Computer Porn Use!
Those PornHub guys have done it again: they have laid out the OS battle in terms of porn usage. So, the next time you're shopping for portables, buy an Android phone and an Apple iPad, those are the leaders for watching people fuck while you're away from home. The most interesting chart is the one below: how long do users stick around? Windows, Mac, and Linux users are all within 30 seconds of each other, with Mac users lasting the longest. So, next time you're feeling amorous, check their PC first: those Windows guys might not last as long!
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Bathing Mirela!
Is there ever too many bubbles in a bubble bath? Like, if you sat down nobody could see you?
Nope, never heard of such a thing.
Top Fantasies!
Durex condoms created a survey, asking what American's top sex fantasies were. The results are rather blase: At the movie theater! In the library! In a car! That's probably because those are the only ones that would possibly have more than one person giving the same answer. All the single answers - "in my mom's closet!", "down at the Ben Franklin Store!", "while my violin teacher is watching!" - scored so low that they don't show up on the list, even though 98% of everyone gave something strangely specific. Only the boring people gave answers boring enough to have quantifiable results. Come on, people: be more creative, there should be no statistically relevant sexual fantasies. Be unique, otherwise you're just boring like everyone else.
Free Boobs For Kids!
Companies like giving added-value freebies to their good customers; it produces an affinity for their brand and makes customers feel appreciated. So, when Land's End partnered with Conde Nash to give free magazine subscriptions to their customers, it seemed like a good idea.
So, female customers got women's magazines, and male customers got men's magazines. Magazines like GQ, which often are full of scantily-clad non-nude women.
What Land's End forgot is that many of their customers are high-school students who buy their school uniforms in bulk from Land's End.
Now, as you may imagine, the kind of parents who send their kids to a school where uniforms come from Land's End had a holy hell freakout when their post-pubescent teen boys started getting GQ in the mail.
Wait, is Adam Levine a douche? I have been missing out on all the news lately.
Anyhow, Land's End apologized profusely, so teens are going to have to get their non-nude masturbatory magazines by 'borrowing' the free subscription to Glamour that their sister is still receiving because she had the sense to keep her fucking mouth shut.
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Huge German Penises!
The ASEAN region has put together an infographic representing penis size across the Pacific rim. Largest? Indonesia. Smallest? North Korea.
Now, the link below disparages some of the data sources: how can North Koreans with large penises respond to the survey if they're all in work camps? The study that the data came from may not have used properly-vetted sources, so the infographic might have more to do with statistical rigor than actually putting a yardstick to penises.
Second: Germany ranks quite high, but probably thanks to modern medicine. Germany is top for penis augmentation, so if the average is 5.7 inches and 18% of German penises are enlarged, that would make - bear with me, doing some advanced math here, it has been a while since high school algebra - the normal average penis size in Germany is 3.3 inches, and the 18% of augmented penises average 16.6 inches long. You'd think the doctor would stop at 10 or 11 inches, but, hey, if Germans are anything it's stickers about excellence in product design. Maybe North Korea could up their game by throwing in a few 28-inch penises to game the bell-curve.
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Porn Industry Toronto!
Canada is suffering a lack of homemade porn, and the National Post wonders why don't porn makers move to Toronto? Given the anti-porn status of California's lawmaking, Toronto would love to lure some porn makers away from Las Vegas and the other cities benefitting from porn studios on the move.
One problem, though: unlike the film industry's love for Vancouver, I don't know that the porn industry will find the same benefits. Toronto has long, cold winters, a lack of outdoor swimming pools, and lacks the 'cool' factor of Vegas and the California coast. And the biggest drawback: you gotta film porn where the porn stars are. Chicago has its own porn industry, but if you want to work with talent, you go to the talent, not the reverse (unless you make it worth their while, which means a bigger budget). Everything grows slowly, Toronto, but you'll make it: start cultivating your porn stars now, and someday, some way, you'll become a porn capital yourself!
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Rammstein Dildos!
Rammstein, being, well, Rammstein, released a box set of their album Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da, complete with six rubber penises. Here's a description:
This unique version of Rammstein's sixth studio album, Liebe Ist Fur All Da, comes expansively packaged in a flight case style box. The package contains: the deluxe edition version of the album, six sex toys (numerically corresponding to each member of the band), handcuffs and lubricant.
Sadly, the dildos weren't molded from the bandmembers, but beggars can't be choosers when it comes to a dildo ensemble.
Being a limited edition and all, it's not in "print" anymore, but even Amazon shows it as available from some sellers.
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The Story of Adam and Eve!
If you've browsed the ads in the back of most sex-oriented magazines, you've probably seen an ad for Adam & Eve. I hadn't thought much about the company, but it turns out there's more to the company than just pink dildos and porn DVDs. Adam & Eve has been around since the 70s, and started as a way of distributing birth control, and in the 1980s fought the government crackdown on porn that has helped porn-lovers through today.
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Charley's Boob Reviews!
Charley C. is a foodie who likes to review things on Yelp. There's something different about Charley, though: his photography skills are excellent, although they don't pick up the food very well. It just goes to show that it's not always the food that makes a meal: it's the company that you eat with!
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Identified By Boobs!
Austria was up in arms when a video hit the internet showing a large-breasted woman masturbating in a church. It didn't take too long for the blasphemer to be identified - despite her face not being shown, churchgoers recognized her based on the size and shape of her breasts.
Now, the insinuation is that someone put two and two together, recognizing her unclothed boobs as the ones they've seen in the pews covered by a shirt, but this "Babsi" posts porn on the internet as the user Analbabsi, but, suuuure, Austrians, you recognized her "from Church," yeah, right.
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Porn Star Present!
Say what you will about Chinese employee relations, at least one has an awesome benefit package. A company in China rewarded is Employee of the Year with a night with Japanese pornstar Hatano Yui. One can only guess what happened that night, but if you won a night with a pro chef, you expect to eat well; a night with an astronomer, you expect to see the stars. A night with a pornstar?
I did dig around the internet to try and confirm the story, what with the unspecific "company in China" and that this is the one and only news story reporting it. Unless I hear otherwise, I think it's simply the horny dreamings of a lowly foreign-bureau reporter who drinks out of an "Employee Of The Year" coffee mug.
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Masturbation Terror!
Tim Ferriss, productivity guru extraordinaire, is pushing the acronymnously-named NOBNOM. "Nob-nom" might sound like a cheeky name for fellatio, but it's actually quite the opposite: "no booze, no masturbation" is its goal, and if you follow that plan, you'll be more productive.
Now, I can see how booze can interfere with productivity, but if you're working Mr. Ferriss' four-hour-work-week, you clearly can't afford time for a rum-and-coke and a quick jerk to clear your mind.
All this absurdity - beyond the absurdity that a four-hour-work-week actually requires full-time attention - comes down to the question: why are we so scared of masturbation? It goes back a long way, that the self-abuse that releases sperm is reducing a man's verility. Not, so, says the article above: all this masturbation-hate can be traced back to one self-loathing person in 1712, who published a much-promoted pamphlet about how masturbation is destroying society.
The realization that masturbation isn't so bad isn't a new revelation, though; smart people have been disproving it for many years, like this excellent article from a 1945 "men's health" magazine:
"Therefore it is evident that if one does approve of masturbation, if one feels that a moderate amount of masturbation is not harmful, if one feels that there is good and sufficient reason for it, then there is no evidence that it will seriously injure health."
Basically, as pretty much the rules for every sexual fetish and practice, "if it ain't hurting anybody, go ahead and do it."
So, kids, don't listen to He-Man, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
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Snake Handler!
When I showed her my 'anaconda', she looked disappointed...now I know why. She's a bit too friendly with that snake, if you know what I mean.
Sexual Exercises!
Esquire has the man's guide to improving sex through diet and exercise. It's actually more thorough than the "sexercise" regimens that emphasize sexiness over sexual-improvement, but what do I know, I've got a beer belly. Esquire's plan emphasizes testosterone and flexibility, which are certainly useful points. What I don't get is why they thought Mr. American Psycho would be a good illustration for this article. Here's who I pick whenever I want a sexy picture of exercise:
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SexFit: Penis Odometer!
Sure, women get the kGoal, but what about guys?
Never fear: UK sex-toy company Bondara is developing the SexFit, a cockring that not only vibrates during sex like an average run-of-the-mill cockring, but also has sensors to analyze movement like a FitBit.
Guys, was it two or three thrusts before you came? Who remembers! Your SexFit will, updating the online app so you can share with your friends and compare data. OK, maybe it's not as productive as a FitBit, but it will analyze your thrusting technique and alter its vibrations to sync, which might actually be useful.
Plus, I'm hoping it's Bluetooth compatible, so I can set it as my 'silent ringer'. brmmmmmmmmm "Excuse me, I need to take a call."
Sadly, it's still in development and not available to the public.
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Nudist Party Sheriff!
Dave Olinger of Oak Harbor, Washington, wants the position of Sheriff of Island County. Dave happens to be 87-years-old, mad as heck, and likes to sun himself completely naked. His wife blames Jon Stewart for Dave's new interest in politics, which makes him all right by me. Part of his issue is that the current sheriff advertises himself as a Republican candidate - something rather vile to do for a nonpartisan elected position - so Dave's first intention was to run as the Nudist Party. Trust me, googling "Nudist Party" does not get you information on party affiliation, grassroots initiatives, or political platform FAQs.
Anyhow, Dave wants to keep Whidbey Island safe from political shenanigans for the old, liberal, nudists that call it home. See, just look at the kindly coot, wouldn't you want him as your sheriff?
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More Bang For Your Buck!
The price of a prostitute worldwide is going down, according to this The Economist article, and they start out insinuating that the internet has made more competition, but when it comes down to it they report that economic hardship is more likely the reason. When you get down further, however, you'll see the range of price for given characteristics: if you're an athletic, blonde, long-haired, D-cup hooker, you can demand most any price you like. If anything, this sort of information is likely to further negatively affect the price of prostitution as more pros adopt long, blonde hair and start hitting the gym more often, since the product moves toward demand, which forces prices down, so it all comes down to the fact that, sex as a commodity, isn't so different from orange juice or blue jeans.
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Serilla Getting Clean!
Sometimes bathing is quite complicated; you forget to take off your jewelry, you stand in the bathtub the entire time, your boyfriend is tied to the chair across the room from you (that's not in the photos, but easily assumed). Sexy bathtime is hard work!
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School For Pornstars!
Remember how Canada requires more home-made porn? Well, that's kinda hard unless you have the pornstars to film. Pegas Productions, a Quebecian...Quebecer? Quebecois, I guess -- anyhow, a Q-town Canadian porn studio was short on male stars, so they set up "Male Porn Star School" and manufactured some stars of their own. For $149, candidates where put through basic training on what the porn job entails, beyond "stick your penis here." Because, as the dozens of rejected candidates learned, being a porn actor is a business, you don't just jump in unprepared.
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Janet Admires Dicks!
I've never sent a dick pi--er, OK, you got me, but it was to a willing recipient. Guys that send photos of their junk, unsolicited, thinking it'll make a woman wet, they're kinda skeevy, but judging from the internet's experience that's 94% of men. Janet, here, has taken upon herself to look at 89 dick-pics collected from her friends, which is, like, the first 10 minutes after opening a dating website profile. Watch how Janet's day goes from "Hey, it's sunny and I wonder what wonderful thing I'm going to do today!" to "Dear god, So. Many. Penises. I feel that way with labia/asshole closeups in porn; it started out as mildly unsexy, and after a point it's just like, no, thanks, that's enough of that. It's not disgust or unattractiveness, it's that line where the question "do you really think this is the sexiest thing you could take a picture of?" gets asked.
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15 Orgasms A Day!
There's perils to being a professional sex toy reviewer. First: she experiences 15 orgasms a day. That's the reason there's more female sex-toy reviewers: if I had that many toys to review, I'd be chafed and asleep by 10am. Also note, she lists her two favorite toys, the I-Gino one and the Doxy Wand, so, like they say, watch what the professionals use to get quality.
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