Sexy Saffron had a dilemma: husband lost his job, money was dwindling -- so they decide to make porn. However, it's tough to process payments for porn, especially if you want to keep all the money instead of paying fees. Answer? Bitcoin that smut! Since Bitcoin is a decentralized payment processing system, anyone can accept or send payments, provided you actually have some bitcoins to spend. Last year this time, bitcoins were unstable as a ruble on stilts, but it's been consistently around $300 - $400 per coin for months now even though it has had a steady decline, so maybe this'll be the way of porn future: move bitcoin away from the gun-and-drugs market on Tor, and to something respectable and wholesome like fetish porn.

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Canada is suffering a lack of homemade porn, and the National Post wonders why don't porn makers move to Toronto? Given the anti-porn status of California's lawmaking, Toronto would love to lure some porn makers away from Las Vegas and the other cities benefitting from porn studios on the move.

One problem, though: unlike the film industry's love for Vancouver, I don't know that the porn industry will find the same benefits. Toronto has long, cold winters, a lack of outdoor swimming pools, and lacks the 'cool' factor of Vegas and the California coast. And the biggest drawback: you gotta film porn where the porn stars are. Chicago has its own porn industry, but if you want to work with talent, you go to the talent, not the reverse (unless you make it worth their while, which means a bigger budget). Everything grows slowly, Toronto, but you'll make it: start cultivating your porn stars now, and someday, some way, you'll become a porn capital yourself!

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If you've browsed the ads in the back of most sex-oriented magazines, you've probably seen an ad for Adam & Eve. I hadn't thought much about the company, but it turns out there's more to the company than just pink dildos and porn DVDs. Adam & Eve has been around since the 70s, and started as a way of distributing birth control, and in the 1980s fought the government crackdown on porn that has helped porn-lovers through today.

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Wes Anderson is known for grittily twee movies, of which I have seen almost none, but even without being intimately familiar with his body of work I understand the affection reflected in the film below. Too little nudity for my taste, but it doesn't take long to watch.

People get their panties in a bind about GTA's "Hot Coffee" patch or nude mods for Skyrim, or even overtly-porny Japanese video games, but they're nothing new: there was a big market in pornographic Atari games in the eighties, in all their low-res glory. You might think they're lame, but back in those days, if you didn't have Atari porn, you were watching the scrambled Cinemax channel hoping to catch a glimpse of boobs: these games were miles better, if you could trick your parents into buying them for you.

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The numbers are in: porn traffic increased dramatically in Denver during the Superbowl on Sunday. Porn consumption dropped precipitously in both metro areas at the beginning, with Seattle turning to porn instead of Bruno Mars during halftime, but once it was pretty clear recovery was impossible for Denver, poor Broncos fans turned to their PCs for a little empty pleasure to offset the crushing defeat.

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One of the culprits behind all those porn parodies flooding the adult video market did an AMA at Reddit, and disclosed his secrets. Namely, he's a screenwriter trying to make entertaining art. HOW DARE HE, doesn't he understand that this is PORN?!? There's no room for creativity and originality in porn. But, apparently he's the guy behind the American Horror Story parody "American Whore Story", which apparently has witches doing sex magic, so at least he'll be remembered for something.

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It makes perfect fucking sense: you don't limit your advertising to just people who are already consuming a product. A billboard for McDonald's right next to a Burger King might not be a horrible idea, but try putting one along the freeway exit, where hungry people looking for fast food are actually at. That's the theory Eat24 went with -- but rather than billboards, they went to where hungry people on the internet are: porn sites. More businesses need to get with the program, and forget about all the puritanical bullshit. Porn consumers aren't obsessed freaks who only shop for porn and nothing else -- they're the people who buy XBoxes and Fords and iPods and tickets to sports games and movie theatres. And -- and this is the most important part -- advertising on adult sites is fucking cheap, per impression, compared to mainstream websites. Do that math, business, and realize that there's a whole world waiting to see your ad. We're tired as hell of "local MILFs waiting for you" and one crazy trick your doctor won't tell you.

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Some guy has finally found who is to blame for all the nasty, nasty porn on the internet: it's Apple. Specifically, it's Apple's internet-connected devices, which provide access to all that, mmmmm, nasty nasty porn, oooh, that's available on the internet. It's the same reason I sued Ford for my beer-belly, because they made it oh-so-easy to head down to the drive-thru liquor store rather than walking there. The bastards, making me fat and making this dude's dick all chafed. This is what happens when you let corporations run free.

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Religious types have called for an online boycott of pornography, and they're calling it the One Million Men Porn Free movement.

I tried, oh, God above, I tried to stand with my fellow man and not look at pornography, but then I realized I wasn't a fucking religious nutcase and got over myself.

As has been proven, over and over, Christians partake in a whole lot of porn. Just in terms of population percentage -- it's not like American is 80% atheist who need to clean up their act. And places where the numbers of loud Christians are highest have the highest porn usage, too. It's obvious that fear of God does little to prevent porn enjoyment.

So, what this whole movement is about is this: you, Christians! Yeah, you guys, wanking to the internet - you're making Jesus sad! So, they've made a public announcement that good Christians should step up and agree to not look at porn.

Um, because if there's one thing good Christians do now is admit that they're watching porn, huh? Why do they think that these one million men are going to not keep doing what they're doing already and just give lip service to giving up on masturbating and porn?

So, keep at it, frustrated religious leaders who fear they've lost control of their follower's penises. No worries; the porn industry has been doing awesome for decades thanks to your follower's poor self control. Getting men to claim they're giving up porn isn't going to help, because they're still doing what they've always done: they tell you the porn is gone, when it's still shoved between the mattress for a little self-abuse when Jesus isn't looking.

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After MiKandi released their porn app for Google Glass, the powers-that-be at Google quietly rewrote their TOS to exclude adult content from Google Glass applications. For being the "cool" kid, Google is being just as lame as Apple when it comes to adult content. C'mon, Google, don't be that guy.

Anyhow, MiKandi now has to trash all their hard work and come up with an app with fewer boobs. Like it's even worth the effort. If you can't carry around douchey electronics and watch porn in public, I don't know why I'd even buy technology at all.

A study in the Netherlands has discovered that porn doesn't make people have sex. It's almost like people have weird, wild, and kinky sex because they like it and are biologically designed to fuck. All lies: my church told me that people have to be tricked into having sex before marriage. It's so sad that facts have to get in the way of moral outrage. So, all you's out there who are worried that porn is messing you up: don't worry, you're no more messed up than porn-watchers in Amsterdam.

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So, it turns out that porn isn't all just fucking and lube. Stoya wants people to understand that porn is full of paperwork and red tape before any of the fucking happens. The good news is, that's what keeps pornstars safe and disease low; the bad news is...well, it means it takes a while for the fucking to start during the porn video, but we don't see that, so I guess that's not so bad.

Time to set up the DVD player, gentlemen: a new movie is coming out called Harmless, and here's the synopsis. "It's the story about a husband and father and his battle with a box of porn that is found in the closet." Now, I've battled with boxes of porn before, and their vulnerabilities are limited, but I think I could take out a whole box of porn in less than the length of a feature film. The guy in the synopsis is a Christian, of course, so we can't expect him to be able to put up much of a fight, least of all against porn of all things. Christian obsession over pornography proves just how deadly a pair of boobs can truly be, I guess I'm just acclimated -- like The Dread Pirate Roberts of pornography or something. The trailer and poster apprently are trying to say that women with their hair combed over their faces randomly appear when you watch too much porn, and it hasn't happened to me yet, so my porn consumption must still be within acceptable parapsychological tolerances.

So, let's say you're a high school teacher, but you want to make a little money on the side by doing porn. Do you conceal your real-life vocation, or do you use school computers and play up your teacherhood to sell your pornographic websites? It should be no surprise that #2 got a Stockton, Calif. teacher caught for doing just that...with a little help from a police officer. No, the other way around: she got website help from the police officer, she hasn't been arrested for anything. She is suspended from her job, of course, but when you market your websites talking about how your real-world teen male students think you're sexy, you're just asking to be taken down a notch.

Leave it to Hong Kong. They've put all of the best parts of the Asian film market into one feature film: action, adventure, 3D techniques, historical drama, and a man with a donkey's penis attached to his groin. Apparently, if Wikipedia is to be trusted, it's an adaptation of an old story, making Chinese folk tales the awesomest in the world. The opening of 3D Sex and Zen beat the highest film opening ever: Avatar, which should remind people that the only way to beat giant blue catpeople is with a giant donkey cock. Yes, I totally expect Google results to come in for "beat giant catpeople donkey cock", which totally makes the world a better place. Official site is here, and there's lots of YouTube stuff, too.

Everything's 3D these days - Toy Story, Avatar, Nicholas Cage, and even online pornography. A couple months ago Maxim did a 3d photospread, but it just made my eyes hurt; I can't imagine blue-red anaglyph video would be any better. Hell, after a while my eyes can't focus on regular porn anyway, how is this going to be any better? All you're asking for is a two-foot long penis thrusting out of your TV at you, and that's an LSD flashback I'd like to avoid.

Japan, long admired for having a higher quality cellphone system than here in the U.S., is running into a little problem: Customers are downloading pornography in such quantities that it is bringing the cellular network to a standstill. On one hand, Ha ha, your phone network isn't as awesome as you thought! On the other hand: you can get that much porn on the phone network? Fuck, that is more awesome than I thought.

Ever wanted a good, close look at somebody while they masturbated to pornography? Me neither. However, art knows no boundaries, so using a interrotron, a filmmaker has documented what the average person's face looks like while watching porn, interspersed with them talking about their attitudes about pornography. Using a teleprompter, porn is displayed in front of the camera, thus forcing the subject to stare creepily into the camera, like that weird-looking weatherman you met at the bar that one night. You can watch it here.

Porn was largely illegal in Soviet Russia, but they did have something to tide themselves over: horny artists with nude models at their "disposal", so to speak. The paintings are far from the pinup or pornstar vein, but when you're home from a long day waiting for food or avoiding arrest for subversive thoughts, your dick will take whatever it can get.