Posts Tagged 'Religion'

God Loves Sex!

A Pennsylvania church has bought a billboard to advertise their congregation by announcing God loves sex! Of course he does -- he wants you to have sex with your wife, your wives, your slaves, your dead brother's wives, anyone else willing and able, or even unwilling in the case of slaves and prisoners of war, and, heck, if you're righteous and too drunk to know what's happening, sex with daughters isn't too bad, either.

But this non-denominational church is looking at it through the lens of the Song of Solomon, which is quite interesting, seeing most churches prefer to read it as an allegory, with limited sexual connotation, and a church reading it as straight-up erotica is a nice change. It's my favorite book of the bible, you know.

Of course, other churches have a problem with this. I'm not sure why since, being a Christian sermon, it is unlikely to change the common rote rules about sex that Evangelical Christianity has wrought upon humanity for the past century, so the problem seems to be that this is a "SEX - now that I've got your attention" moment, a grab for attention, which apparently it has worked, so God works in not-so-mysterious-ways sometimes. Hopefully the sermon isn't as sexy as The Notebook, because church parking lots already have enough sinful sex going on.


Identified By Boobs!

Austria was up in arms when a video hit the internet showing a large-breasted woman masturbating in a church. It didn't take too long for the blasphemer to be identified - despite her face not being shown, churchgoers recognized her based on the size and shape of her breasts.

Now, the insinuation is that someone put two and two together, recognizing her unclothed boobs as the ones they've seen in the pews covered by a shirt, but this "Babsi" posts porn on the internet as the user Analbabsi, but, suuuure, Austrians, you recognized her "from Church," yeah, right.


Religious Cheaters!

First of all, ignore the incorrect, salacious headline -- they'd have you believe Evangelical Christians cheat more than anyone else, but they messed up their math. What the actual study shows is that there are more Evangelicals in America, and a correspondingly larger portion of Evangelicals using AshleyMadison to cheat.

This is far less about religious hypocrisy, and more about the lack of hypocrisy in being a human. The fact that religion doesn't have a large mathematically-proven influence in who is interested in cheating on their spouse is proof that sex isn't about sin and salvation: sexual behavior is innate, and simply part of being human.

Now, I'm not advocating cheating - only assholes would cheat on someone they love, and conversely only assholes stick with someone they don't love in order to get sex on the side - but everyone's known someone who cheated. It's pretty clear that the sex drive knows no logic nor fairness, and neither religion nor morals can change that. Learn how not to be an ass when it comes to sex, but get it out of your head that your religion has anything to do with it.


(Note: Evangelicals do lose their virginity earlier according to this study)

Porn Killing Religion!

Porn has finally found a practical application for making the world a better place! A fully-certified, licensed and bonded internet blogger has decided that, since the Internet usage has gone up a million-fold since 1990, and the internet has porn, therefore through the transitive property, the downward slide of church participation over that same time period is porn's fault. The math works out, people!

Well, for one, the increase in internet usage can only be a huge percentage, because the WWW didn't even exist before 1989. You might as well say the steady decline of the VCR and the tape cassette is the reason for the loss of religious faith today.

Next, conservatives blaming pornography for society's ills has been around a long, long time. Just watch that video, and ask yourself: if that were re-filmed, word-for-word, changing 'magazine' for 'website', would it surprise you today? The same rhetoric has been around since the 19th century -- If The Onion were published and shipped through the mail in its current form in the 1920s, they'd have been arrested for sending obscene matter through the mails. The presence of this material in easy reach today is a symptom of lessening moral confusion than it is the cause of it.

The problem is, you can't trust surveys about religious belief - people report how they wish they behaved. The fact that the self-reported religious belief is going down is simply that people are less afraid of seeming less religious.

The article I linked does make this connection, though, before going off the rails into correlation issues. The internet allows for communication and the spreading of free information, which allows people the opportunity to step outside the rigid restrictions of their close environment. This gives people an outlet where they can actually express their lack of religious feelings, rather than feeling pressure from all the people who are lying on religiousness surveys.

Sorry, pornography: I wish I could say you killed religion, but it turns out you're the symptom, not the cause. Just keep dressing this lady like a nun, and then undressing her like a nun, and then I won't complain.


Nude Church!

Sure, when I go to church pantsless and flappin' in the wind, the cops get called - but in Virginia you can go to church naked and nobody complains at all. At the White Tail Nudist Resort, they've got a chapel and hold Christian religious services in the nude - or, as you'll see in the video, there's some clothed people, so you won't feel left out if you want church but don't feel like not dressing up. I suppose there's a good message in the trappings of earthy materials, and looking how you were the way God dressed you on the day you were born, but all I can think about is how often the pews get cleaned off.

Masturbation Is War!

Christians want you to know that porn addiction is like being a wounded soldier...self-love is a sign of a wounded soul, which is at least as bad as having your arm ripped off in an instant by an IED, leaving you bleeding in the street as bullets from guerilla AK47s wiz by, preventing help from getting any closer to you as the blood pools around your head. Totally the same thing. Note that one of the biggest issues they say at the beginning is that when Billy got addicted to porn, he stopped going to church. If this is your church's attitude towards soldiers, that the risks they put themselves through is comparable to wanking off with your laptop is in bed, I can see why Billy stopped going to your ignorant church.


Church Porn!

Weltbild is one of the biggest publishers in Europe, and is partly owned by a number of German Catholic diocese. But -- Fox News is on the case: Weltbild publishes perfectly legal erotic and porn, thus making the Catholic Church one of the biggest pornographers in Europe. I knew that new Pope was awesome! However, apparently this is a problem for head-up-their-ass Conservatives who think that promoting Onanism by publishing such smut is the wrong direction for the Catholic Church. Whatever, jerks; this pornography is the work of God, who do you think you are to challenge it? Yeah, doesn't feel so good when someone else is telling that to you, huh?

Picture via.

Buddhists Get Laid!

Who has the most premarital sex? Buddhists and 'other', do, much to nobody's surprise. The twist is this says "most likely to report", which means the degree to which there is a stigma of talking about it, and not about the actual fucking. Keep in mind, "buddhist" and "other" are what young college kids to do rebel, and generally have religious aspects of fucking and less barrier to premarital boots-knocking, which reduces the surprise about "none" and "missing" - the stigma isn't purely a religious one, it's about the society you're in, so if you can comfortably claim buddhist so you can fuck the hippie chicks in your Anthropology classes, hey, good for you, man, the stigma is less over there.

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Femen Protest Pope

Now that Pope Palpatine XIXVIIXX is resigning from his position at the Vatican, the Femen protestors stopped by to announce their pleasure regarding the event, and, I can only assume, have put down their names on the list of people willing to volunteer to be the next pope. The event is remarkable (aside for the naked boobies on hallowed ground) for the photo below, which adds hilarity to the insanity. This guy's gotta be on Ellen sometime next week, or her production assistants are missing a golden opportunity.


Porn For Bibles!

The University of Texas - San Antonio has one of the bestest campus clubs ever: The Atheist Group is offering to trade bibles for porn. No, the other way around: anyone bringing them a Bible would exchange it for some awesome pornography. The point - one I can't exactly argue against - is that the messages of the religious books have about as much positive impact on society as porn does. Now, there's a lot of levels to this: if you want to say the Bible is as bad as porn, well, I don't think porn is bad at all. If you want to say the Bible is as safe and innocuous as porn, then you're saying Bibles are OK. Now, if you're trading a bad thing for a good thing, I suppose...see, there's a moral dilemma in this - if only there was a book around that told me how to look into my soul and do the right thing. The article says that they weren't sure how many people took the atheists up on their offer, but my guess is they got a bunch of beat-up Gideon's Bibles that somebody stole from the hotel down the street. Now there's a racket for the atheists: leaving porn in hotel rooms instead of bibles. I bet *I* know which one's more appreciated by hotel customers!

Folsom Street Fair: Perverts!

The Folsom Street Fair, "the world's largest leather event", will be taking to the streets this September, subjecting the world to a culture of happy, self-aware people who tend to do things that the average person would find scary. As sort of a 'poke' at the average, nuclear family, Folsom's advertising for this year features an average, nuclear family...made up of an interracial conglomeration of hotties and beefcake, each decked out in a different genre of fetishwear.
Oh, boy, do the "Family Values" nerds not like being poked: It's homosexual! People are nude in public and nobody's stopping them! Perversion is perverse! "San Francisco also features a homosexual organization whose members dress up as nuns." Dear God, what is happening in the world?!? It is completely unacceptable that one of the more sex-friendy (with limitations, of course) religions, Catholicism, would be mocked by a sexual minority - hell, Catholicism should be embraced by the sexual subculture for recognizing sex is supposed to be fun. Christian evangelical politicos? They definitely need to be mocked. You see, it is completely impossible for a family to include both a black woman and a U.S. Marine and a guy with tattoo sleeves. Stifling religious control is required to imitate those social icons which represent the truth of American culture: imaginary families invented for television during the censorship of the Code years. When these religious types attend a leather fetish event, they do not deserve to be offended so. Remember, everyone: family values are designed to exclude and punish those with differing worldviews than this imaginary construct of an appropriate family: without guilt, how else would people know that getting kinky at an approved, sanctioned kink event was wrong?

Priest: I Had Sex!

Father Cutié, or as I prefer to call him, "Daddy Cutie", has been sticking his dick where the Pope wishes it wouldn't go. The charismatic priest, who had been photographed "frolicking" on the beach with an attractive woman, has admitted that he has been fucking her, too. It's not a casual relationship, and he may one day marry the woman, but that pesky vow of celibacy has gotten him removed from his duties. Hey, Cutie: there's non-Catholic religious leaders who can fuck all they want - don't let the Pope fool you, because it's all the same god. Like I've said before: don't fool yourself that you can slip one by on your church; find one that fits you better. I haven't been following Cutie that much, but he seems to embody the more tolerant aspects of Catholicism; I hope he gives some of that to an Evangelical branch, they need something to water down the crazy.

Mormons: Sexy Calendars Hurt!

All sorts of groups are printing naughty calendars, titillating ways to make money, and people pony up for them. Mormons, however, don't look so kindly on the practice: they have excommunicated Chad Hardy, telling him he can't graduate from Brigham Young University for 'behavior', for photographing a beefcake Mormon calendar with such amusing subjects as "Captain Moroni." Foul, the Mormon church cries, it's bad publicity, you're hurting the church! Er, I think Mormons make enough bad publicity on their own, but it's easy to punish one guy with a business than to challenge splinter sects. While he won't get his degree any time soon, business is booming: media attention to his exommunication has created demand for his calendars.

No Frank Sex Talk At School!

Oh, dear, where do I start: Let's say you're a church. Now, let's say somebody's up in arms about frank sexual discussion in a school. Wait - what if these two groups were on opposite sides?!? It totally messed up the paradigm: a Baptist church may have to be kicked out of a school auditorium, because their sexually-themed religious sermons are too much for a gradeschool to tolerate. I'd like to feel schadenfreude over a church getting the butt of the sex-unfriendly policies of schools, but that would overrule my enjoyment of promotion of enjoyable sex between couples - and I'm of the opinion that churches should be allowed to rent school space like anybody else; and, lastly, sex isn't nasty in general, and nobody was being forced to go to church. There's just so much conflicting information, my brain might shut do-

Statue Tits Anger Clergy!

I read about this a few days back, but nobody had a good picture - until now. An innocuous antique shoppe has a statue outside, holding up a sign, but a local priest has a problem with the statue's erection-provoking cleavage. The pirate chick statue isn't nude, or particularly naughty compared to the beach, but there's enough skin to make a priest uncomfortable, which has encouraged the church to take out its rage on the little old ladies running the antique shoppe. Remember, antique shoppe grannies are the most insidious of pornographers.

Faith-Based Sex: Evil!

Wait, these exist? Neighbors think the Phoenix Goddess Temple is a "sex-temple", a title usually held by those strip-clubs with unadvertised champagne-room 'specials' that are so, so wonderful, or the curtained 'back-room' at the bookstore which sells not only naughty magazines but videos, too. Sex temples? They're all over the freakin' place, so why is the Goddess Temple singled out? "The temple has drawn police attention because its tenets connect spirituality and sexuality and it employs sexual healers and teaches its members about tantric sexual techniques." Dear GOD, the horror: people learning how to enjoy themselves sexually in an open and religiou! s way? That's fucking absurd. Sex is supposed to be seedy, hidden, and dirty: doesn't the Phoenix Goddess Temple understand that their open and faith-based sex is an abomination? (via)

Vatican: Men, Women Sin!

Evoking some deadly sins, the Vatican is accusing of women being proud, and men being lustful -- based on confessions, which I suppose has more to do with what the sinner wants to admit, especially seeing that (according to the article) a third of Catholics think confession to be unnecessary. So, of the two-thirds that choose to go to confession and relay their sins, the gals love themselves, the guys love poon. Thanks, Catholicism, for straightening that out for us!

Christian Sex Toys!

Business is good for the Christian sex-toy store. Their tone is friendly, their website is clean and nudity-free, and it seems that they haven't gotten any/many complaints from the religious-sex-complainers. They carry a lot of what Sex~Kitten does, but it goes to show that it's all in how it is presented...items bought from a sinful shop are sinful, items bought in a Christian shop are holy.

Despite scriptural condemnation of an act, a business operating under the name of God is allowed to continue? Jesus would be proud. Being a non-Christian and all, I'm not condemning the business -- gosh, open more toy stores, people! -- but I find their religious slant questionable. It seems more to please customers than to please God, which is dubious when selling products designed to satisfy sexual lust.