Porn Spam Review

Boy, give your email address to a porn site, you get spam back x-fold! Nice thing is, now I have a lot to review for you nice people!

This week: Top Ten Orgasms! The email subject line was: "Let's Make Some Noise!" The content was a single image with top orgasms #3 to #10. #4 and #3 are rather explicit, but the rest are mostly just women with their eyes closed and mouths open. I suppose, given the content of the website, I could assume they're having an orgasm, but the rest of me thinks they may have just been photographed mid-sneeze. #4 and #3 have explanations of why they ranked in the top 25% of all orgams, ranging from "When she cums ,her whole body starts shaking spasmodically" to "She mostly uses her hands to pleasure herself while viciously biting on a vibrating dildo."; I seem to remember a blonde joke about dildos and chipped teeth...but I digress.

The site itself is horrid with pop-ups -- they all regenerate when closed. Were it not for my obligation to review the site, I'd probably have left immediately. The top ten here are completely different -- they judges must have awarded a whole new bath of orgasms since I recieved my email! These pictures are much more subdued: yes, breasts, but no images of 'pink,' or any actual contact -- there's one image implying a woman recieving oral sex, but there's no direct contact shown. Overall, it meets an R rating, and is similar to the overseas limitations on porn. There's not much to get off on, other than what must have gone on to cause the orgasms pictured. What they want is for you to click on anything...

There, you get directed to a signup page, asking for your bank info. The site does offer a 'free trial', if you give them your credit card (no doubt on the expectation that you will be charged, unless you meet their cancellation requirements in three days). The support link goes to wegcash.com". They bill via billingservices.com, a service we've seen before on other porn sites. The info page sends the data to a site called "easyaccessnow.com," a site that has no content but the signup process for porn sites.

Overall: A very generic porn site. The teaser doesn't indicate you'd see anything other than women having sex and achieving orgasm, something you can find for free all over the internet. The pick a top ten - but how do you rank it? What they seem to think ranks high (convulsions, chewing dildos) borders on hilarious to me, and not likely to turn me on. The payment process seems singular, and US-driven, using an outside payment processor. Why come back? I don't know, other than to jump through hoops and cancel the free test-drive.

Spam Email Review

Here's one for you:

ReturnPath: (Brian@mail2triallawyer.com)
From: "Liliana Garcia" (Wilda@strawberriesandcream.co.uk)
Reply-To: "Liliana Garcia" (Wilda@the-styx.com)
To: crlf@redbloodedthing.com
Subject: interest hollywood stars in the raw
Date: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 07:09:26 +0200

Hottest celebs of hollywood caught on camera in the raw. see your favorite celeb exposed on thousands of videos and pictures. See all your favorite stars caught being naughty

I wouldn't normally have reviewed this email -- but after the THIRD porn spam email that's not selling anything (no links, no titles, no websites), I had to bring this stupidity to everyone's attention. They weren't even sneaky enough to put their websites into their email addresses -- the three emails listed in the header are all 'vanity' addresses hosted by an email farm. I've seen ones for prescriptions, loans, etc -- spammers get stupider and stupider as time goes on. They can't even piss people off right.

The email intrigues me, tho -- I'd like to see my favorite public (pubic?) figures getting naughty. Thousands of videos, you say? In the raw, you say? I'd love to come see these movies and pictures, maybe even pay money for them! What's that? You're not going to tell me where it is? I am so sad.

Porn Spam Review

Here's the email I got:

Subject: sexually explicit: Tight & Tiny Cunts Split by Thick Hard Cocks!! whims
From:"Golddiamonds" (georgiapelifortier@videotron.ca)

-- - --- -- - - - --- - - - - -
See Tight & Tiny Cunts Split by Thick Hard Cocks
CLICK HERE FOR FULL INSTANT ACCESS
http://www.applecircletree.com/rx7/ab/index.htm

Hours of the Most Incredible Pussy-Ripping Videos
GET FULL DOWNLOAD ACCESS NOW
http://www.applecircletree.com/rx7/ab/index.htm

The Most Extreme Cocks Stuffed Deep in Tight Holes
CLICK HERE FOR FULL INSTANT ACCESS
http://www.applecircletree.com/rx7/ab/index.htm

First thing I discover: This isn't a 'applecircletree.com' website. It's a redirect to "All Big Cocks". Popups aren't so bad on loading...but, man, talk about Photoshopping!

Depending on the perspective, the men's penises have been enlarged and edited to appear about as big around as his thigh. Were there actually men walking around like this, there'd be special stores just for monster-penised men, like a "Big and Tall" shop. "Fit Your Cock In Your Pants" shops would be open worldwide, adding 1/3 of the fabric to each pair of pants just to accomodate the enormous penis inside. Unless -- maybe these men already exist, and their penises are even more inflatable than the average man. Ladies, can you imagine seeing an average looking cock inflate to flotation-device size as it became aroused? I suppose not -- were that true, sexy women would be accustomed to exploding trousers all around them as they slinked their way through public places. "Hey, Frank, look at that sweet ass!" *KABOOM* Corduroy death counts would be much higher than they already are.

IT does say "full unlimited access NOW", so I click, and it asks me for nationality and email address. Since I'm handy with a server, I created a bogus email account specifically for the purpose of getting this login id. Uh oh! Upon giving them my info, I'm sent to a page asking for credit card info... I go check my email to see if they've sent me anything yet. No deal.

At the bottom of the page, they have a "No credit card?" link. It took me to 'chargemelater.com.' It's deal -- for $30, you can use their service and get free access...but you have to call a 1-800 number first. Then, they bill you for the service you recieved. I tried to go back to "All Big Cocks" (don't we all want to go back there?) and I got a pop-up for NCC 900, saying I can get access if I dial a 1-900 number and use the code I get over the phone. This one costs $34.95 and is hosted by egwn.net -- don't worry, nothing pornographic there, just the 'Adminspotting' coda. Interestingly, however, NCC 900 doesn't seem to exist, according to Google. Also, there's no field content in the form to indicate where I'm from, where I'm going, or what site I'm trying to access. From a security standpoint, you're going to call a 1-900 number, get billed, but there's nothing in the form to tell where you're trying to go.

The site does have popups -- two entrance, and two exit ones. They're pretty innocuous, but frustrating enough for those of us who dislike popups.

On the main page, I'm looking for something to click -- and I found the site's 2257 compliance page. 2257 is shorthand for the child porn laws that say you must document the ages of the people in the pics. Interesting thing is: if you don't take your own pictures, you need to list the source of the pictures for proof. All Big Cocks has a HUGE list of photo sources -- if you ever wanted to start your own porn website, this Big Cock 2257 list is a who's who of photographers to buy images from. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's the case with most porn sites.

The other places to click are for webmasters (like the one who sent me the spam), a 'contact' area, and the members link. If you try to go into the member's area without a password, they helpfully give you links to their other payment processing companies: billingsupport.com, ccbill.com, PSOBill, and wtsbank.com.

The 'free' site had no real content, other than parts of their splash page (mostly laughably enlarged phalluses). While the site didn't have much to offer, it was well designed to make it easy to recieve payment from customers. Overall, I saw a little big-cock fucking in some small 'teaser' photos, but rather than learning about cocks as big around as a loaf of bread, I learned a lot about the web-porn business.

I've never been much of a stripclub guy, never saw the appeal. Naked enhanced women wiggle around, and you're not allowed to touch them? Sounds like torture, not fun. I've been to strip clubs, and been bored more than anything. Partly makes me feel like less of a man, because I can't get into it.

'Norm' (not his real name) gives me a bit more insight into it. He's not some leering, sleazy guy looking to get off with a stranger. He's well-groomed, professional, and a family man. Plus, he spends around a grand every year on VIP passes for his favorite stripclubs. the SFGate interviewed this Norm, and gives us some insight into how Norm handles himself, respectably while still partaking in a vice, partaking in something many communities are striving to do away with. He enjoys himself by becoming emotionally invested in the dancers, a class of employee who usually exists to be impersonal with their clients, a body without a mind. Norm knows the dancers, and has a good time about it.

We all love a good sex news story, right? Especially one that's not too dirty for the kids. A couple weeks ago, I found this one at NCBuy:

A saucy billboard ad in the metropolitan Pittsburgh area is causing citizens to wince, some with pain and some with pleasure.

The billboard ad shows a picture of a dominatrix from the chest down and the caption "Do a Little Brand Spanking" and was put up by The Fitting Group, an advertising agency that specializes in branding products.

Salacious, isn't it? I had to actually go to The Fitting Group's website to find a copy of the billboard image -- here you go:

Me, I saw that on the billboard? I'd laugh -- but I'm not most people, too. Supposedly, Fitting has a related brochure that recommends self-discovery with "a little ouch and a lot of aha!" On one hand, domination is a desire in the marketplace, and marketing firms are trying to sell that. Take the increasingly mainstream dom subculture, toss that in -- viola, right? I hope it works out for them; So many ad/marketing firms have generic & blah ways of selling themselves. This one uses a little sex (something advertisers admit sells a product) and makes their self-advertisments unique.

So, unique post aside -- OBLIGATORY SOAPY PIX!

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