Holy crap -- has it been so long since I've done my Obligatory Soapy Pics? It's not like I haven't been looking (because I have), I've just been writing about other stuffs and things besides. So -- here you go --

OBLIGATORY SOAPY PICS!

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

Oh...ummmm..."what else," you ask? Eh, not much....Thanksgiving isn't the most sexually-oriented holiday. There's plenty of Christmas porn, Easter porn, 4th of July porn, Halloween porn...but as of today, there's no Thanksgiving porn at all. When you have a holiday that revolves around eating a hell of a lot of food, watching sweaty men play football, focus on your mom (and other family members), and driving in heavy traffic, there's not much sexy about it. Well, unless you're into those sorts of things. Sweaty traffic incest football may be the perfect fetish for Thanksgiving, but fortunately that's rather rare.

Now, there's the Toxic video with the stewardess thing and the other stuff and the...well, I don't think I've ever watched the whole thing; but I do remember a nearly naked Britney! Here's the whole song, with just nearly-naked Britney. Oh, and it's got all the words. I hope they're not a distration.

Granted, I'm big -- quite big -- but I'm often told size doesn't matter.

Turns out, what really matters is how much you can LIFT with it. The Chinese art of "yin diao gong", or (literally) "genital lifting qigong" is all about picking heavy things up with your dick. Note the emphasis on your dick. Mine's not used for picking anything up, thankyouverymuch. I mean, holy crap! Who thinks this stuff up?!!?

VH1, all this week, has been running a series called Retrosexual: the 80s. Granted, it's VH1, so you'll probably see this same series over...and over....and over......and OVER.....but I'm amused so far.

The favorite one I've seen so far is all about Taboos. All about condoms and masturbation and homosexuality and pornography -- one might want to remind the current Republican administration that all this occured during the reign of the gretest elephant president we've had...GW might want to stop cracking down on obscenity if he wants to be seen in the same light.

I'm also pleased that the commentators on the show are NOT the same as the "We Love The [decade]" crew. There's only a couple obnoxious unfunny comics (I'm pointing at you, Jonny McGovern), but the rest seem to have some actual thoughts on the sexuality of the 80s. As with all the reminiscumentaries that VH1 pops out every coupla hours, the thoughts of the interviewees are edited down to sub-soundbite length and pieced together with an impersonation of actual context. For the sexual content, nobody really sounds drooly about the content...except maybe the aging rappers, who are allowed such shenanigans by nature. And that Amy Sohn - she's kinda cute on her own, isn't she? She wore pigtails to the VH1 shoot...I'm a fool for pigtails. She and the other sexperts are pretty much all modern sexperts...young, female, and new on the scene; two others I cought from the super-fast name flashes on the screen are Logan Levkoff and Anka Radakovich...It's too bad that the 4-word quote snippets they put in the show really don't tell much about these 'experts'...I may have to do more research!

Why am I watching TV instead of paying attention to my lady? Well, she's not getting back into town until this weekend. She's such a get-around lady...too bad I can't always go with, otherwise I'd be much more of a clingy, loser sensitive guy instead of watching sex shows on cable TV!

Oh, and go have a read of the "Behind the Green Door" review I did over at Sex-Kitten...not my greatest work, but the movie is worth a watch.

Do shorter, more frequent posts, work? Try this --

If I ever, EVER say the Ronald McDonald costume is sexy, kick my ass. Seriously.

*watches this video*

Um...strike that last comment. Crayola hair colors, man, gotta love 'em!