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 You may not know this, but way back in the early days of the internet I wrote erotica at various places, primarily EroticStories.com, but other places, too, and even some long-lost blogs that I don't even remember the URL for. Anyhow, Gracie has been talking about getting into the erotica business again, so I'm going through my old files to see if there's anything to publish to test the waters. Crashland was originally held back to submit to erotica digests, but I never got around to it. This magical electronic world of ours lets people self-publish ebooks with nary any trouble, so Crashland is now available at Smashwords and on Amazon. I'm even inkling to do some new writing, too, so I'll keep you posted.
What? Oh, what's the story about? It's a sci-fi story of an interstellar delivery person who crashlands her ship on an unfamiliar planet, and goes in search of help. She finds the person she was sent to meet, who turns out to be one of the most powerful men on the planet, and romance grows while she waits for rescue.
 What, it's Christmas and you haven't gotten your fuckbuddy gal a gift yet? I highly recommend glass sex toys. They look like art more than a dildo, but they're a surprising amount of fun. They almost feel dangerous, even though it's highly unlikely to ever break or otherwise damage her goods. They even hold heat if you do it right (but be careful, of course). Partner Sexclectic has this basic one available, or shop around for something fancier.
 I think I've mentioned it here before, but Cosmo has reminded me that guys can and should do kegels too, but rather than clicking Cosmo's stupid slideshow, go to the only slightly less annoying WebMD instructions on practicing your kegels. WebMD points out their incontinence-remedying benefit, but they're good for orgasm control and just general health down-there. It's actually sort of a game to practice while you're peeing, like you've got anything better to do. Rather than just peeing, do morse code, then stop and hold it a bit. I can hold it long enough to walk in a little circle in front of the urinal. Seriously. Don't worry about marathon kegel control just yet: if you can't even stop yourself while peeing, that's not a good sign to begin with. Start small, and your penis will love you for many more reasons than pee games.
You know, there are times when I look at that foot-long vibrant purple fake penis in the window of the local adult bookstore and I think, "why aren't there more realistic fake penises in this big wild world?" The New York Toy Collective has teamed up with a 3d printing upstart to produce anatomically correct plastic penises scanned directly from the real thing. My first reaction, just looking at the picture? My god, they're tiny. Eh, but who am I to judge, somebody paid a couple hundred bucks for that little plastic cock, so they must not be complaining.
Via.
 Scientists have devoted their lives to cataloging everything from animals to elements, and thank GOD somebody has finally decided to devote the efforts of an army of unpaid grad students to developing the Chart of Known Fetishes. Sure, Rule 34 exists to tell us there's always porn, and ten minutes at 4Chan proves the corrollary. But, maybe you need your mind expanded, so go look at the rather unsexy diagram and see if anything makes your naughty bits waggle just a little: you've discovered a new fetish!
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 Since the early 1980s Sony has been the flagship portable audio manufacturer with their "Walkman" line of tape cassette players. Sadly, in a few months they will stop producing all portable tape players, so get your Walkmans...Walkmen? Walksman? Get 'em now, because they're not going to be around much longer, unless you want to buy cheap knock-offs like the rest of us always had to do.
 Why does nobody tell me when there's a new bikini-themed sport? I've long been a fan of the Lingerie Bowl, and who can forget the venerable art of mud wrestling, but their cold-weather compatriots have formed into the Bikini Hockey League (site is currently down). I found out about this heavenly sport because they're filming a horrible reality show to show off just why they want to punch each other in the rink. So far it appears to be just a handful of hot chicks on rollerblades who got kicked out of their local rollerderby for having too huge boobs. But, this is how things start: if a media campaign showing half-naked women and a badly-done reality show don't get this fascinating sport off the ground, I don't know what will.
 Her piercing eyes said, "come closer, you're much too far away for me to suck your cock." Those eyes know just what I want to hear.
More from this gallery >>
 Guys, guys, guys: don't do this. Apparently nonthreatening male musicians are dressing like toddlers and going out in public in onesies. It's one step down from looking like some tracksuit Italian mobster, but without the kickass gold-framed cataract-surgery sunglasses. Infantilizing your masculinity is doing you no favors, and the fact that eternally-eleven-years-old Justin Bieber hasn't worn-
OH JESUS CHRIST BIEBER WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Fuck it all, guys, women aren't interested in children. If they ever babysat, been an older sister, or are mothers themselves, the muscle-memory of unzipping a onesie means there's a poopy diaper inside, and nobody wants that.
That said, though, women in onesies are fucking hot. This lady doesn't agree with me, but even she sees that onesies make a guy look like a pussy. Get some real fucking clothes, dude.
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Do you know how hard it is to shop for a guy who lives and breathes 80s heavy metal? There are only so many hair products and studded collars you can give them. Well, here's your lucky day! Slayer has issued an officially-licensed christmas sweater, full of skulls and evil. Bad news: as of posting, they're sold out. But, maybe Heavy Metal Santa you and they'll have more by Xmas morning.
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 eBay seller ladiesonfilm is selling a huge archive of original negatives of porn magazine photography. How he got it, I can only wish I knew, and I'll be rightly pissed if it turns out these are fakes. However, the variety of poses, particularly unappealing and toss-off poses, would lead me to believe that ladiesonfilm fell into a huge archive of a porn photographer's negatives, and is now sharing with the world. Awesome.
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Harvard, the place conservatives say creates antichrists, is doing one better for the student body: the school has approved a kink club, which gives the club the same rights as any on-campus organization, such as the ability to organize pep rallies and have a float in the homecoming parade. I don't know, I didn't go to a big fancy college like Harvard. Anyways, they admit that BDSM is a big component, but any sort of kink is welcome, so expect two semesters before the whole place is full of Bronies. It's bound to happen. But good for you, Harvard, for admitting that the adults inside your hallowed ivory tower like fucking in all sorts of crazy ways. Kudos to you.
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