Naked Ghosts!
AAAH, it's Halloween and the dead are rising from their graves and...wait, is THAT what ghosts look like under the sheets? Hell, bring a bunch over to my place, haunt me all night if you want!
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FleshCash!
Because FleshLight has a lot of money to throw around, the dating-tips tweety Simple Pickup -- which seems to only focus on skeevy pickup lines -- has been given $10,000, which they're hiding around LA hidden inside fleshlights. So, West-Coasters, if you find a FleshLight lying in the street, just shove your fingers in there and pull out what's inside! If you're lucky, it'll be money -- if not, well...you might need to get some shots, but fortune favors the bold, don't let it discourage you!
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Playmates Then And Now!
New York magazine has called up a bunch of Playboy Playmates for a photoshoot, but it's not the group you'd expect. These are the playmates of your dad's closet -- remember, behind his dress shoes, under a pile of shirts that didn't fit anymore -- from the 1950s to 1970s. All had moved on to professions and families, but their touch of fame, frozen in time in the pages of Playboy, tie them back to those pre-internet days of seductive beauty. Note that the one was was deemed 'too cute' back in the day is still adorable...and works as a "doggie day care counselor"?!? It just goes to show that the changes caused by the passage of time are tiny, compared to the person inside.
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Conservatives Still Love Porn!
This sounds familiar...yes, back in 2009, but re-emphasized in a new study. Conservative regions just can't get enough porn - most porn searches come from red states, despite conservative attempts to reign in and destroy the porn industry and sexual freedom in general. They do make a good point, though: those with a more progressive libido might only have the internet as an outlet for their predilections, while people living elsewhere can, you know, just go have weird sex without threat of arrest or abuse.
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Eine Kleine Boobmusik!
Just a little boobmusic, so to speak: Sara X channels Terry Crews and pops her pecs -- but not just willy-nilly, higgldey-piggledy, she puts a bit of class into it by pec popping to Amadeus. Unfortunately, she doesn't perform for all four movements, but that's forgiveable -- wouldn't want her to pull a muscle and be on the bench for the rest of the season.
Butt Plug Xmas Tree!
"No...heh heh .... it's a CHRISTMAS TREE! Really! Don't you see it - this is modernism reductionist symbo--blah blah fuckin big words, just trust me its full of the fucking Christmas spirit." That's how it would go if I tried to pull this bullshit off, but artist Paul McCarthy managed to get the city of Paris to allow him to put a five-story buttplug in the middle of town.
"Oh, it's just a coincidence!" you cry, thinking this couldn't have possibly happened intentionally. Well, take a gander at this: Paul McCarthy loves Christmas so much a couple years ago he made a Santa statue holding a sex toy. Combining the shocking/disgusting with soft lines and cultural touchtones seems to be his schtick.
If I sound outraged, this is why: Santa holding a sex toy: there's a degree of artistic creativity in that. An acre of poop is something you create organically, not from a life model. Just a five-story buttplug like manufacturers produce by the thousands? Making it green doesn't count as expressive interpretation. Had McCarthy put in the bare minimum of effort and put a fucking star on top I'd have given him the benefit of the doubt. What we've got here is a purely lazy artist.
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Lola's Clean Feet!
You're going to have to dip those toes in the bath if you want 'em clean. I mean, it's all well and good that your knees are soapy and clean, but the rest of you needs similar attention - soap it all up, I'll be patient.
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Mission Secrets!
The Mission District of San Francisco is seeing gentrification, which touches everywhere - including the porn stores. Mission Secrets is the new name for the porn store on Mission St in San Francisco, up from "Mission News", which made it sound like a newsstand, but with more penises. The transition to Mission Secrets is to make the shop seem less sleazy and gross, and more like a boutique people can appreciate. This is definitely a good move, although according to the article linked above, they made the outside look pretty without evicting the creepy locals first. The first step really should be getting Google employees and hipsters to masturbate in the peepshow rooms, then do improvements that increase property value.
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Kaylee Pond!
My honeyboops Gracie has a new girl-crush: she's a redhead, she's got big boobs, and she's nerdy, so for some reason Gracie thinks I'll like her too. Kaylee Pond is that new genre of camgirl where they're smart and funny and not just "ooh baby, do you like this?" Well, I'm sure there's some of that, but it usually follows her dressing up like a Star Wars character or something. Plus, she likes baths, so I can't complain there, either. Go check out her cam page, but apparently she's on the tumbly and tweety too.
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Bra Cam!
Nestle Fitness - which is apparently some kind of breakfast food, and not a chocolate-chip health-club -- put a button-camera on a woman's clevage and counted how many times people (and babies, and dogs, apparently) took a gander at the woman's cleavage. It's breast-health month, of course, so the commercial is encouraging you to check out your own breasts using your hands and fingers; I think if they made a commercial where strangers used fingers to check out a woman's breasts, it would have a very different tone to it.
Pigtails In The Bath!
Here, let me get that: there's no way you're going to be able to wash your hair when you've got pigtails in. Sit up, let me slide in behind you, I'll undo your hair, start washing at the top, and work my way down...
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New Penises!
Scientists at the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine have done what was once thought impossible: cut off a rabbit's penis, grow them a new one, attach the new one, and get the rabbit laid. Well, that's how science works, right? They can't jump right to humans, that'd be tough to find volunteers. However, now that it works for bunnies, they can move on to people and make whole what was once broken. They appear to be only able to grow the penis itself at this time, from what I can gather, and not the entire genitalia, otherwise we'd be too close to producing an Edward Penishands for my comfort.
Condom Slingshot!
I don't know what the #100Ways tag is for, because I'm tweety-illiterate, but whatever it is, this guy is the best at it. Joerg Sprave is a bad Scrabble hand, but a good slingshot maker, and he's taken a whole boxfull of condoms and turned them into weapons of destruction. Best line, said in a deep former Soviet bloc accent: "The winner: the condoms!"
The Handie!
Is masturbating with a plain-old hand not good enough? The Handie is here to help! Although most of the photos show it as a disembodied hand, the Handie is more than that: it's a rubber glove, ribbed for your pleasure, with a built-in vibe and lube repository, so you can whack off with the highest level of technology possible. They have a leftie version on the way, too, so if you want you can just get your female partner one of each! I'm not sure what the 'loops' at the bottom do, but I'm afraid to ask.
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Pubic Hair!
Artist Rhiannon Shneiderman wants you to consider pubic hairstyles, juxtapozing it against all the ways men can style their facial hair. If only pubic hair was stylable, aside from shaving it - two pigtails to hold on to, now that would be how I'd style my pubic hair. Or, weave it into a sleeve for my penis during the cold months - it'd look something like this:
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The Unfappening!
"The Fappening" is the amateurish name of the unauthorized release of nude photos of celebrities stolen from their phones or cloud services. I won't link to it here; it's a serious violation of privacy. Aiming to fix this is The Unfappening, which is taking those released nudes and photoshopping them into SFW and non-nude images, to help protect these women's privacy. How effective (or necessary) is yet to be seen, but some are pretty darn creative:
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Pornhub Records!
PornHub, the king of adult tube sites, is branching out into other media by establishing its own record label called Pornhub Records. It would appear that Pornhub Records isn't about releasing pornographic records, but instead focusing on NV-17-level music for its customers, sort of a culture-filling product. They don't have any albums out yet, although there's apparently a contest to write their theme song. My tip: go the Gilligan's Island route and start with the structure of the song "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and go from there: it's a guaranteed winner.
