Abstinence Pledge: FAIL!

Who knew? Over and over again, we hear that abstinence pledges don't work. Well, they don't work to stop kids from having sex, but, really, that's not what they're for. Remember, conservative and religious activities are not to accomplish the stated goal, but to make the person feel better about their lives - remember, the evangelical-conservative position is "play the role, but if you screw up we'll take care of you". Celibacy pledges are to make the parents and children feel they're "playing the part" - going through the motions to look and act like everyone says they should. Does i! t stop anybody from having sex? Hell no, but that is rarely the goal. Nothing happens to the kids if they get knocked up or catch a disease; their family either blames somebody else, or covers it up, because the outward view should appear as though all children are celibate - I mean, they're wearing the freakin' ring. The big argument for celibacy promises is that explicit sexual education and access to condoms doesn't stop kids having sex, either. Well, I have news for you, conservative-evangelicals: Not a god-damned thing is going to stop your kids from having sex - when a kid decides to have sex, no promise, no ring, no condom, no education is going to stop them. Deep down, you already knew that, so stop pretending you've figured out the magical incantation to 'fix'the world according your moral view. Your morals are broken, not the world around you.

Australia: Don't Take Tits!

Australia, known for its beautiful beaches and dedication to beer, are up in arms: conservatives are trying to get topless beaches banned. Current laws ban "nude" sunbathing, but doesn't explicitly say "ban anything that might accidentally give a religious person a boner." We all know that the only place a religious person is supposed to get an erection is during the sins they participate in private, such as mensroom-gay-sex and masturbating-to-your-wife's-Cosmo, and they couldn't possibly accept that nude people can be seen without sexually lustful gazes. Lust is the only thing Conservatives can't control, it seems.

Snowman: Deadly Laser!

Hallmark, a place where deadly products are often found, has recalled snowman snowglobes, because they can snowrefract snowlight and start a snowfire in your snowhouse. No, these weren't cheap things: they sold for around a hundred bucks each. Whether they were made in China is yet to be seen.

People In Ads: Thinking

The Frisky, usually annoying, gets their wit on by figuring out what people are thinking in fashion ads. SHEâÂÂ

Art Curator: Hot!

Sometimes I really wonder if there is anything remotely real about profiles like this. For example, Kiera Jones, a 22-year-old hottie, claims to be an art curator, as she is pictured touching a piece of art. I guess I should remember that art chicks are a healthy combination of horny, attractive, and bat-shit crazy, making them ideal subject of a lad mag spread.

Penthouse IPO

Penthouse, the venerable purveyor of naughtier content than Playboy, but classier than Hustler, is trying to raise money by launching an IPO. They aren't officially "Penthouse" anymore, though, which proves where the real money is. Since 2007, they've been known as FriendFinder Networks, some of the most annoying advertisers online. If the IPO helped the magazine and content producers, great: but if it's helping AdultFriendFinder continue to intrusively tell me hot chicks in my town want to chat with me, well, fuck'em.

Beer Googles: Lasting!

Ugly guys, you've got a chance: a group testing the "beer goggles" phenomenon found that women have the effect more permanently than men: frequent drinkers retain the beer-google effect even while sober. Now, if only they'd be sexier, it would be a perfect deal.

Eartha Kitt Passes Away

Poor Eartha: she passed away today at age 81. For a gal that purred naturally no matter what she said, she was a perfect candidate to play Catwoman on TV, but she was also well-known for standing up for the rights of women and blacks during the fifties and sixties. Passing away on Christmas is only fitting for a gal whose version of "Santa Baby" was a super-classic.


Merry Christmas, Y'all - put on your best Christmas outfit and go visit Grandma and Grandpa!

Bathroom Sex = Arrest?

A couple having a tiff over whether or not someone had sex in the ladies' restroom (and, come on, who hasn't had that fight?) at a wittily-named restaurant resulted in an arrest...but not who you think it might. The cops hauled away a lawyer, who happened to be in the restaurant/bar, waiting for his car to be brought around by his valet. I'm guessing it's a good idea he wasn't driving himself - the guy got involved, claiming to be the fighting peoples' lawyer, refusing to butt out, and eventually having to be wrestled to the ground by four cops (causing his amusing bandage). We can only assume the bathroom-fornicators worked things out without any legal representation.

Carmen Electra Swimsuit

I really don't understand this - I believe the position Ms. Electra is sitting in is the only position one can sit in that swimsuit. Move even the slightest, and you've got things poppin' out everywhere. It's a good thing she's just getting her picture taken:

Car Dude Gifts

Shame on you - it's the 23rd, and you haven't bought anything for your uncle Butch, who runs the gas station down by the offramp. Never fear - Trendhunter has some crazy car-related gifts that Butch will appreciate. My favorite are these *hint*.

Porn = Internet Technology!

At this time of year, we should all be thankful for those things that bring us so much happiness throughout the rest of the year: internet porn. Porn is the reason we have an internet like it is today: streaming media, live chat, proper billing and CRM methods...and spam, malware, and pop-unders. Oh, well, Santa needs something for his naughty list, you know.

Best Diets for Men

If you're like me and asked for pants for Christmas, one size up from the pants you asked for last year, you need to get yourself on a diet, fatty! Just a Guy Thing has the best diets for men, saying high fiber and low carb diets are most successful. Oh, and decreasing caloric intake may have something to do with it, so this doesn't mean passing on rolls and mashed potatoes in order to double-up on glazed ham this Thursday, Mr. Waistline.

Rahkee's Bubbly Bath

Rakhee is an exotic young lady, but even such a fine Indian gal needs to wash up on a regular basis:

Christmas Sex Warning!

While the holidays are often one filled with joy, don't let that joy get to you: all the happiness and alcohol can encourage you to have reckless sex. Please, wait until the Baby Jesus is a bit older before having your stupid, careless unprotected sex.

Sneeze = Fantasies!

Watch out, ladies: if a guy you're with is sneezing a lot, he might have naughty thoughts on the mind. A new study has connected thoughts of sex with sneezing, possibly due to the unconscious body changes associated with arousal, making hayfever season the sexiest time of the year.

Ron Jeremy: Attacked!

Ron Jeremy, a hero to fuzzy Jews everywhere, was pepper sprayed by a paparazzi while eating in a restaurant today. Jeremy responded by whipping out his 4-foot-long dick and beating the paparazzi to death with it, in hopes that predatory photographers will get the message: Ron Jeremy's dick doesn't fuck around.

Swingers: Not Police Business

When running a swinger's event, you need to make sure you have plenty for everybody to do, but don't make it too extravagant, or you might attract police attention. Obscenity and public indecency are what a couple of swingin' folks are charged with after playing a game which involves trying to get strangers to pose for naughty pictures, and had people engaging in sexual acts in the bar...the bar was closed, but, well, being a licensed liquor-serving establishment they are apparently "public" even when closed. The swingers at the event claim the police were overzealous, arresting people for private acts.


Road Garlic!

A small Iowa community got an excellent wintry donation: a load of free road salt. Problem: the salt had already been mixed with garlic and other flavorings. A food manufacturer, for whatever reason, could not sell the salt as food, but the road crews could put it to better use than the landfill would. To cut the smell, it was mixed with regular road salt, but it still causes hungry, hungry snowplow crews.

Vancouver Brothel: 2010

Prostitutes in Vancouver are planning on having the brothel ready in time for the Olympics - the only problem is that, while prostitution is legal, running a brothel is not. They've got a bit of an uphill climb in the process, so for the time being their operating as a "consulting" business, which at least keeps them legal for now. When the brothel does open, I'm going to keep track of the day: this one time, I stopped in at an Applebee's on the day they opened, and I got a free meal. That was so awesome.

Natacha Gachnang

Formula One has always been sexy, with it's lithe, big-assed cars and exotic locales, but now there's a new reason to masturbate while watching Le Mans on ESPN. Natacha Gachnang, a lovely Swiss miss, is making her mark on the Formula n circuit, coming in closer to first with every new year that she drives - but there's something about her that appeals to the male viewers of the races, so let's see if you can tell what it is:

Nude Models On Strike

Parisian nude models - sadly, the kind that pose for art courses, not the kind I post here - are protesting: French labor laws are restricting their ability to make a living wage and receive tips, so they've bared it all to show their stuff in public. They're protesting ten euros an hour? With the current low value of the dollar, that's gotta be like, $50 an hour, right? Anyhow, they're a highly specialized worker, and believe they deserve more pay, because who else can they get to sit naked in front of a bunch of freakin' atrt students without getting some bucks stuck in their G-string?

Stink like Burger King

Burger King has crossed the line into fashion scents, competing with the likes of Axe, by creating a flame-broiled body spray called "Flame". Because it is expected to only encourage attacks by man-eating tigers and lions, you should probably not wear it while on safari. I also question its attractiveness to women; associating sexual desire with hunger is a very old metaphor, so it might just work. I haven't seen it in any stores, but it appears to be available in the U.S.; their flash-based website didn't work for me, though.

Kids On Album Covers

As you've probably heard, Scorpion's Virgin Killer album cover got Wikipedia into some hot European trouble, but it's not the only sexy pre-teen album cover: Anorak has 19 others for you to look at.

Elle's Little Soapy Breasts

Ah, Elle, don't look so pissed; my intentions are completely pure. I'm fan of conserving water, so I'm going to share the bath with you, completely for environmental reasons. Sound good to you? I think you'll enjoy yourself:

BWE: Make Playboy Better

We all know Playboy is circling the drain. And it's a damn shame, but Best Week Ever has a plan - they've developed exactly what Playboy needs to do in order to recover their former glory. Much of it has to do with imitating Hustler, but, well, you gotta follow your audience's needs!

Penis Sniffing = Smackdown

When your gal wants to sniff your penis, it might be a wierd fetish; when it is because she thinks you're cheating, well, beating the crap out of her is only going to make things worse for you. Because, believe you me, she doesn't really want to smell anything on that dick of yours.

Men: Losers!

Sorry, men: we suck. Women get all the advantages: better pay, the ability to have children out of wedlock and be supported by the government, more education, at least according to a new book and this article from the Daily Mail. Don't worry, women, we won't let it go to your heads: Men will continue to be just as insulting, crude, and dismissive as we always have, because being a college educated single woman on relief raising a child on your own is an absolutely awesome life!

OK, sarcasm over: guys, this book is stupid, regardless how many true statistics they show, because the basic premise is flawed. This "Us vs Them" attitude towards women, that somehow men are confused about their roles and are falling apart because of it, is a crock of shit. Feminism isn't castrating us guys, it is the childish attitude that guys are in charge and women are taking over that is damaging men's place in the world. If guys would have the balls to treat the rest of the world with respect and honor, like a fairytale medieval knight instead of some asshole Disney-park-ride pirate, the world would be more civilized. The bad-boy attitude that gets the chicks doesn't even have to go away - nothing about feminism removes that - but you can't rely on it as some identity-maker. Getting a chip on your shoulder that because women are self-sufficient only shows just how dumb men have gotten on our own. Women still need men as companions and friend! s and lovers and helpers, they just don't need the caveman money-earning, open-the-pickle-jar-please crap that treats men like tools. Don't be a tool. Be a man, and stop pretending that women are preventing it. You're the problem if you can't behave like a real man.

Wanking in Milwaukee

It really does make sense: if you've spent many historic afternoons masturbating to porn in a public place, you figure is must be OK, right? Um, well, the security guards at the Milwaukee Art Museum have something else to say about it. But, come on: when it's such high-class art-museum masturbation, it really barely even counts as obscene!

Speed: Doesn't Kill

According to the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration, speed isn't a big killer on U.S. highways. The biggest cause of accidents: not paying attention. So, keeping speed limits low while letting people talk on the phone while driving seems to be working, right, people? I'm not advocating higher speed limits (it's more important to conserve gas than anything), and we have to keep kids in car seats and wear our seat belts, but when it's so obviously clear that distractions hurt people, something should be done about it.

Madonna: Un-Catholic!

Madonna, often seen wearing shapeless Amish dresses during her performances, has run afoul of a Pinochet-loving Catholic Cardinal. "Her shameful behavior provokes a wild and lustful enthusiasm," he said, "Thoughts of lust, impure thoughts, impure acts, are an offense to God and a dirty stain on our heart." The cardinal then continued with the mass honoring former dictator Augusto Pinochet, celebrating the former military leader's decade of torturing citizens and causing dissidents to "disappear." But, Madonna, well, the Catholic Church needs to have standards of behavior, you know...

Faking Orgasms

Sorry, guys: if your partner is short or beautiful (and, hopefully, it's a combination of the two), she's probably just putting on a show in bed. Most women of those varieties fake an orgasm more often than the average middle-sized, homely girl. That's not to say she doesn't enjoy the sex, it's just that she wants you to feel good, or she's signaling you to finish...oh, and she might not like you all that much, but, well, you're fucking a beautiful short woman, so you've got nothing to complain about.

Sittin' In The Fridge

Here's what happens when there's too much marihuana at a porn shoot. "OK, here's, no, really, here's what, got it, here's what we'll do next: Melisa, empty out the fridge; now, eat a banana while smearing white shit all over your chest. God, I want a banana." Yes, too, too much pot.

Porn: Worse Than Bad Cop

A porn producer has gotten a 33-month prison sentence (that's 2-1/2 years, folks) for being unrepentant in his smut-selling. However, a crooked cop who would arrest people and extort money from them to go free, won't see any jail time, because he's very, very sorry for what he did. Porn - which, by all accounts, is legal most places - gets a worse deal for defending his business, while a crooked cop - 100% illegal everyplace - who admits wrongdoing and apologizes gets a slap on the wrist? Thank you, Department of Justice, for showing the world what's worse in American eyes: when visiting our great nation, don't buy any porn, and bribe your cops we! ll!

Big Tits: Not Bad!

Turns out that everybody's in agreement: women with big tits aren't medically ill or disabled. Well, everybody except those who actually have uncomfortably-large breasts. The argument was that a woman with huge breasts should have the right to get them reduced, but the courts ruled that insurance only has to pay if they're deformed. Because, apparently, breasts so large they need their own seat on an airplane aren't deformed.

MTV: Want Porn Addicts

Are you a porn addict with no shame? MTV wants to talk to you! The ominous part of this is that they want people willing to "seek help", which tells me Dr. Drew is involved somehow. Since it's the show "True Life", your episode will be archived alongside such hard-hitting subjects as "I'm a battle rapper" and "surviving high school". Anyhow, it's nonpaying, so you just get the satisfaction of announcing your addiction on television, and being given pop-psych answers while the most embarrassing things are edited together ! for entertainment value. Sounds like fun! Via.

Women: Internet > Sex

Poor, poor boyfriends of bloggers: your women prefer to be online than have sex with you. Well, for two weeks anyways - the survey doesn't assume that the respondents are crazy, just obsessed with the internet. Luckily, the world we live in today allows people to both have sex and be on the internet - living in The Future is awesome!

Bettie Page Passes Away

Sadly, the lovely pin-up Bettie Page has passed away. She experienced a heart attack earlier this week, and had been in intensive care since. She was 85.

Virgin Mary in Playboy

Playboy, usually not one to stir up religious controvery, has portrayed the Virgin Mary on the front of their new issue. This, unfortunately, makes people acknowledge the fact that Jesus' mom was totally nude underneath her robes! That is so amazingly hot. While it's remarkable that Playboy has done it, I wouldn't be surprised to find that Hustler has already done an even naughtier "Son of God" spread. We expect that from Hustler, but Playboy? I thought they were classier than that.

X Marks The Spot

Aw, man - I need to upgrade my browser or something. All I'm getting are "X"es where the good stuff should be. Or maybe she changed some URLs and forgot to update her nipple files. Anyhow, this is definite proof that X marks the spot when it comes to hot gothy chicks:

Waxing: Less!

Women, struck by the financial downturn, are finding that they can't make trips for their beauty treatments as often as before. The result: hairier pussies. Not that I'm complaining: while every model on this website seems to shave everything, a completely-bare crotch just looks like a twelve-year-old, and I am sooo not turned on by that, and thus I need some hair down there. Somewhere in the middle is nice; that 1/2-inch wide strip just doesn't look that great either.


Germans have such a beautiful and lyrical language - oh, wait, I was thinking about the Polish. No, the German language are the Legos of linguistics; sure, you can build anything, but it's going to be blocky and knobby around the edges. A German dictionary publisher has put together their Best Words of 2008 list, and the one at the top is "gammelfleischparty," or "spoiled meat party", a slang term for a party full of people over thirty. Apparently, that kind of party doesn't sound cool unless you're over thirty as well. What ever happened to just adding 'izzle' to the first letter of a word? Kids these days don't understand just how easy it is. As for the Gammelfleischparty, I expect them to ! come to political control of the German Parliment by 2015...then they'll all be sorry.

5% Sex Addicts!

5% of Americans are addicted to sex, says "the latest estimates", which means some statistician pulled the data out of their asses. If true, however, look at the place you work, and consider the twenty people there. If you can't point out one sex-addict, then it must be you. Sorry, dude. Now you know why you masturbate so much.

Younger Sisters: Sluts!

We've learned that sisters of homosexual men are quick to drop their panties, but that data may be a bit skewed by this new bit of information. New research from Australia shows that any younger sister is more likely to lose their virginity early, which pretty much means that a first-born, only-daughter is probably not going to give your dick the time of day, fellas. Now, the youngest sister in a family which produced 5 gay sons previously, well, her name is probably "Kamerynn" and gets the best tips down at the topless bar.

Strip Club Discounts!

Poor, poor strippers: Michigan strip clubs, hit so hard by the economic downturn in the auto industry, have resorted to dollar-store-pricing for their dances. See, folks - this is why the Big 3 automakers need a bailout. Won't somebody please think of the pole-dancing chicks with big tits?

Breasts Discovered!

Last week we learned that Ralph's order of 130,000 inflatable breasts went missing, and there were talks of everything from boobie pirates to inflated breast flotillas washing up on shore. Turns out, it was a paperwork mix-up: the wrong shipping container was delivered, leaving the rubber breasts waiting to be picked up at the pier.

Polliana Getting Clean

Polliana doesn't seem to understand the bathtub well. While she's got a hot, steamy bubble bath at her disposal, she tends to just sit on the edge. While I enjoy the view, I think I may have to slip and and show her just how I think her bathtime should be handled:

Women: Sluttier!

Marie Claire, a bastion of analytical thought (but doesn't cite any survey's source), says women have more sexual partners, on average, than men. Women averaged 9 partners, versus men's 7, and more women averaged 10 partners or more than men. What men want to know is: where are these women, and how can I meet one?!??

Day Without Gay?

D'OH! I picked up partial shifts on Saturday and Sunday last weekend, which means I get a day off during the week. I picked Wednesday, December 10th, but that, unfortunately, coincides with the Day Without Gay. The DWG is a protest of anti-gay laws that prevent loving couples from getting married, but all I want is a day off to watch the Military Channel and drink wine coolers. Now, my coworkers are going to think I'm all edgy and political. I just can't win.

Post-Sex Important!

What you do right after sex is very important to your woman, says a new survey from Japan. It says that 44% want more foreplay, 38% want more postplay, and a third rate their partner as 'selfish', all of which mean, "dammit, just because you're dick is done doesn't mean I'm satisfied!" So, guys, going back to your internet porn right after sex might seem like fun, but she needs a bit more from you before you act like the event was a success.

Batman's Tumbler Ticketed!

Uh, oh - Commissioner Gordon is going to hear about this! Actor Aaron Eckhart, who played Harvey Dent in the movie, was apparently driving the car around London to promote the DVD release. Then, (I suspect) he managed to get wasted and forgot where he parked his car, so he took a cab home until it was bright enough for him to wander London, thinking to himself, "wait - is that my Batmobile down there? No, keep going..." Sadly, the metermaids got to the car before him.
More pics here (scroll down on the right column), and all via Fark.

Musclecar Graveyard

Out in the middle of a Rhode Island forest is the fabled musclecard graveyard, a horrible and cursed land where old hot rods went to rust in piece. It's actually several broad acres (which means it almost entirely covers the state of Rhode Island) of an unregistered and unpermitted dump, so the state has said, clean it up or face the consequences. The current owner is now trying to get rid of it all, so bring a trailer if you need a half-rusted Mach 1 body.

Nude Calendars: Hard!

Dr Pamela Turton-Turner, taking on the greatest job in the universe, has spent time studying charity nude calendars. Now, I'm a fan of that naughty genre of charitable calendars, but Turton-Turner has discovered some important things: first, don't show too much nudeness, and secondly, put some humor into it. Too many nipples, and nobody will respect you (although that is a statement that has weight far beyond the nude calendar world). Best part of the article: 105 photos from nude calendars - Australian news is printed on awesome!

Kiss = DEAF!

Be careful if your boyfriend is named "Hoover" or "Electrolux" - a young lady had her eardrum ruptured during an extra-passionate kiss. Her lover, whose lung rival those of most superheroes, sucked so hard on her face that the eardrum was sucked inward and tore. I don't know that I've ever sucked in that hard during a kiss, which leads me to the accusation "you're doing it wrong." The gay porn community, however, is apparently talking to the lad about a very lucrative career.

Bettie Page In The Bath

While we hope Ms. Page has a speedy recovery, here's something to enjoy from her golden days: Bettie Page, being bathed by her fellow harem girls:

Bettie Page Heart Attack

Bettie Page, the 85-year-old former pinup, has suffered a heart attack and is in critical condition. Hopefully she pulls through.

Be A Nude Model?

Once upon a time, all those every nudie magazine advertised itself as an artist's aid, whether for painters in need of human forms, photographers in need of tips, or horny guys a way to excuse their predilections as 'art appreciation'. The artistic excuse for looking at nude models didn't end with Penthouse or Hustler - being a nude model is still a valuable (and profitable) part of the art world.

Porn Piracy Online!?!

You've turned off Limewire to avoid the RIAA, you keep away from Torrents to keep the MPAA off your back, but you probably didn't expect this: people sharing hardcore porn online have gotten cease-and-desist letters, and are being sued for violating pornographer's copyrights. Not only does the DCMA get you caught, but now everybody's going to know that "Cum Butt Virgins 57" is your favorite download.

Sandy and a Friend in the Bath

Oh, Sandy: she loves to take a bath so much (see also) that she brought a friend with! And, believe me, they had some fun - but you'll have to see it for yourself:

LeCoultre Camera!

Once upon a time, cameras were finely-tuned mechanical marvels, and that was just to take a picture. When watchmaker Jaeger LeCoultre makes a camera, however, they added the bells and whistles. Now that's an awesome camera:
via - although don't trust any photos that show a bunch of swiss-army-tool like popouts: it's a photoshop from the link in the image.

Mssing Panties? Call Cops!

Police in Boulder, CO, would like you to know that they have your underwear - see, here's a picture - and you should call them to claim it. Be prepared to provide proof that it's your underwear, because they may be ready to arrest you as another naughty panty-obsessed freak like the guy who stole them in the first place if you're just trying to get some stranger's panties for your own sick, twisted fantasies. So, the police are hoping you can provide photos of yourself, in varying positions and locales, wearing said underwear. Heck, on second thought, it could b! e in any underwear, just to prove that you've worn underwear in the past. Lots of pictures, please. Thank you for your cooperation.

Virginity Loss Flowchart

If you're geeky and really like flowcharts - first, get a fucking life and get laid for once, dammit! Then, go have a look at this flowchart regarding the loss of one's virginity. Note, of course, that getting her drunk figures heavily in the only non-illegal option to losing your virginity, which really goes to show how hard it is for a woman to want to have sex with you. Loser.

Canadians: Muffins, Not Sex

A study of sexual satisfaction in Canada has turned up an odd statistic: their women would enjoy a caramel roll more than sex. I must admit, though - I've been to Canada, and their caramel rolls are fucking excellent.

Art Chicks: Slutty!

As you might have expected, the amount of sex a person has really does relate to their major. Science nerds: not much sex at all. Art school chicks: fuck anything that moves. Don't get too excited, though: the data was collected during a study of chlamydia awareness, and those same art-school sluts were less aware of STDs than their counterparts. They may do more of it, but they're doing it wrong. Use caution if some chick wants to come up to her apartment to look at her 'etchings' - it could be a chlamydia trick!

Garbageman: Best Job Ever

Well, when you're a garbageman, you're always keeping your eyes open for something cool in the trash to keep. This guy's amazing find: 10,000 pounds in shredded money (the British money, not in weight). The police did their checking and found no wrongdoing, and nobody has reported any money stolen, so Mr. Eagle-eye Garbageman can keep the shreddings. If he wants to use any of the money, he will, of course, spend a lot of money on Scotch tape.


Back in the day, lego knights had swords and bows and arrows and such, allowing for your little hand-built toys to try and kill each other; the space figures had parts that could be assembled into weapons, too. But, overall, Lego is rather pacifist with their products...that is, until BrickArms came along. Producing a custom Lego arsenal, proprietor Will Chapman sells the MOST AWESOME LEGO STUFF EVER. Dude. Little tiny Lego grenades? That so kicks the ass of anything ever made in the history of history. Chapman, however, has raised the ire of the Mus! lim community for making a terrorist minifig:

I doubt it is glorifying terrorism, like the Islamists say - I bet it's more so that the good-guy Legos have somebody to blow up. You can't have the good guys blowing each other up, can you?

How To Talk To Girls

If you want to learn how to talk to girls, go to the expert: Alec Greven spends his days talking to girls, and has compiled his list of best tips for getting close to a fine young lady into a new book called "How to Talk to Girls". Oh, and the dude is only nine years old. Even at nine, he's got it all figured out: "Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil." Dude, so profound. There's guys in their twenties that haven't figured that out yet. But it just goes to show: not much separates grown-u! p boys and girls from the third-graders.

Texting Saves Lives

A remote doctor came across a man whose arm was mostly bitten off by a hippopotamus. Unable to do the amputation solo, the doctor turned to a reliable source: a doctor in London, via SMS text messaging. The amputation was a success, the doctor's celphone bill went up by about $500, and the hippos remain undisturbed. Verizon's new "Dead Zone" commercial will now consist of a young swimmer being warned that he shouldn't go in the river, due to the danger of hippos. "We're Good!" says the bespeckled Verizon mascot and their legion of cellular phone technicians, who are then ripped to shreds by angry hippopotamuses. Not that's entertainment!

Victorians = SLUTS

Think today's teens are out of control when it comes to drugs, alcohol, and reckless sex? The prudish Victorians encouraged sexless lives, moderation and proper behavior, and what did it get them? Kids who went off to college, got drunk off their asses, hired prostitutes and fucked anything that was remotely willing. Hmmm, how'd that work out for them? Those kids grew up and became - the horror - Edwardian progressives.

9 Ways Away From Stupid

Alternet, usually a good place to look for leftist rhetoric, has put together a list of nine solutions to our conservative society. Most of their troubles are laid at the feet of the Religious Right - which is probably true - but the sympathy of the undecided are the hearts and minds you need to convince. Anyhow, #6 makes obscenity less restrictive, #7 is decriminalization of prostitution and other "commercial sex" venues, and #8, better policies on sex offenders, all of which will allow people to be sexual without being afraid of punishment, regardless if religion is still a major part of people's personal lives. Missing from the list: reducing anti-BDSM laws,! and rules accomodating the needs of transgendered people.

Ladies: Porn Queens!

Whaaaa?!?? Women are able to produce porn? I thought only brutal, sleazy men with Mafia connections were allowed to make porn. Er, at least that's what TV and religious leaders taught me. According to MSNBC, there's more women producing adult entertainment than ever before, which kinda makes it hard to say that porn is all about female suppression. Bonus: Joy King on the life of a porn magnate.

Porn In Life

High On Sex has, as we all do, put 'pornography' into a Google Image Search - but when they combined it with Google's acquisition of Life magazine's image reproduction rights, you get some interesting views of the porn film industry, circa 1970s.


DUDE - check out the awesome paint-by-number on this wall! It has to be like 3' x 4', and I'll bet her little brother painted it. Now that's talent.

Awesome Frames

My current glasses are the near-invisible kind, but I've been told that the lenses can't be any thicker. If my eyes continue to deteriorate and I have to get some new glasses, these are the style of frames I'll be getting. Malcolm X wore them, my grandpa wore them, and the cheerleader's fake-dad on Heroes wears them. What's more badass than those three dudes? The ones below are on the high end of the market, but have a nice style to them, balancing the weight of the black with the lightness of the wire under-rim, from Dita Legends:

Rubber Boobies Gone!

Australian lad mag Ralph had a grand plan: the January issue of the magazine would contain a pair of inflatable breasts. That plan may be sidelined: the breasts are missing - all 130,000 of them. Ralph ordered the inflatables from a Chinese manufacturer, but when the cargo container arrived, no boobies were to be found. Police have been alerted to watch for anyone having more than a couple thousand pairs of inflatable boobs for personal use.

Hooker Raffle!

Now that's ingenious capitalism at work! A couple of guys hosted a party, in which all the attendees put $10 in the pot. The prize: fucking a hooker. While it doesn't appeal to me as a fun party game, apparently the guys had enough friends who were tired of $10 crack-whore blowjobs and willing to risk it all for a chance to diddle a high-priced sex worker. Unfortunately, the police ran across their creative plan, and it turns out that the people involved had real jobs as well - and we all know that the public can't handle the idea that real people are involved in such amusements. The prostitute herself even had a job working with c! hildren, the horror! So, because these were white-collar adults who may have spoken to a child recently, instead unemployed drug-users, the courts intend to throw the book at them; one guy may end up fired for "inappropriate computer use". Stick with the $10 crack whores, buddy; anything better might draw attention.

KelyAn Getting Bubbly

Poor KelyAn: short on consonants, hair fried by bleaching, and obviously fake tits. The world is hard on her, but nothing helps her relax like a hot bath:

History of Girlie Mags

Time magazine, source of hard-hitting news, has compiled a Reader's Digest history of lad mags. So brief, in fact, that it pretty much only talks about Playboy...surprise, surprise: they're shilling for a new Hef biography.

Free Sex: #1!

According to a study of what people do in their spare time, now that $400 lobster lunches and buying gold-plated cellular telephones is becoming less achievable. #1 top answer is on the board, Richard Dawson says of 100 people surveyed, 37 people said "having sex" is their best inexpensive pasttime. High-priced escorts? You're in trouble - apparently somebody has figured out how to get laid for free.

Americans Falling Behind!

Americans are trailing our European peers in money, political progressiveness, and now we're falling behind in sexual promiscuity. Dear god, people, what are you doing wrong?!? Are we going to let those godless, insurance-having continental peoples be #1 at everything? The story does give you ideas for where to plan your next international vacation: Brits are the best at promiscuity, with Germans and the Dutch trailing behind slightly.


While the position resembles giving birth (no, please, don't send me any birthing porn), this young sexy lady is actually having all the hairs on her cooch removed by a professional. Professional cooch-baldener, not professional "worlds oldest profession" professional. It was "sexy" enough for them to put together an entire freakin' gallery of the event:

World AIDS Day

It's World AIDS Day today, marking the 20th anniversary of the awareness-raising event. The traditional gift for a 20th anniversary is china, but China is surprisingly low when it comes to AIDS patients, compared to its population. While isolationism has probably done the most for it, their government has been making a concerted effort to control the spread. In more progressive countries, we expect people to not be idiots: don't be an idiot, use a condom, don't make things worse, you moron.