The ASEAN region has put together an infographic representing penis size across the Pacific rim. Largest? Indonesia. Smallest? North Korea.

Now, the link below disparages some of the data sources: how can North Koreans with large penises respond to the survey if they're all in work camps? The study that the data came from may not have used properly-vetted sources, so the infographic might have more to do with statistical rigor than actually putting a yardstick to penises.

Second: Germany ranks quite high, but probably thanks to modern medicine. Germany is top for penis augmentation, so if the average is 5.7 inches and 18% of German penises are enlarged, that would make - bear with me, doing some advanced math here, it has been a while since high school algebra - the normal average penis size in Germany is 3.3 inches, and the 18% of augmented penises average 16.6 inches long. You'd think the doctor would stop at 10 or 11 inches, but, hey, if Germans are anything it's stickers about excellence in product design. Maybe North Korea could up their game by throwing in a few 28-inch penises to game the bell-curve.

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When it comes to one-night stands, girth is what does it for the ladies. They tested this by showing women a variety of dildos that "...ranged in size from 4 inches long and 2.5 inches in circumference to 8.5 inches long and 7 inches in circumference." Just for reference, that's 1/4" of an inch thick to 2-1/4" thick -- for comparison, a Coke can is about 2-1/2" diameter and 5" tall, so the "big" end of the scale is about the equivalent of two beercans stacked on top of each other. Eh, maybe they couldn't find the model of my penis and that's the next biggest dildo they could find.

Anyhow, the study found that, while women would prefer the Coke-can diameter, just one is plenty, thankuvrymuch: they'd rather be stretched, putting pressure on the clitoris and g-spot, than have their cervix pummeled by someone too long. The study also found that women overestimated the size of penises they'd seen, so stop worrying about size, guys; she's adding inches completely in her head.

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This just in: North Dakota men have the largest penises in the U.S.! Not that it means anything, but when you think about it, if you're gonna live in a desolate arctic wasteland where your career options are rancher, farmer, oil rig roustabout, coal miner, or any other deadliest jobs of the 1880s, you've got something massive dangling between your legs.

South Dakota would have come in at second place, but in tiny Rhode Island they have that one guy, which threw the averages way off.

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Here's some news, guys: your penis anxiety is all in your head. OK, yeah, women do say penis size matters in bed, but the study shows that men are far more freaked out about it than is relevant to extracurricular activities. Yeah, I'm huge as hell, but now I know I need to stop worrying about it. Ah, that is a big weight off my shoulders.

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New York City, long known for the descreteness of its residents, held a contest to find the tiniest penis in town. You didn't have to BE from Brooklyn, you just had to show up and enter yourself in the tiny penis competition, which should get you an award right there. Some guy called Nick "The Delivery Man" Gilronan won, so you can be happy to know at least you don't have a Gilronian-sized penis.

You know the old adage, that shoe size translates to penis size? Well, some enterprising soul made an app that automatically does the conversion for you. It's not available in the Apple store, nor is it in the Android store, apparently it only exists for Palm, which is why big-money like Apple and Google didn't get sued, but the struggling HP and its 2010 acquisition Palm company are the ones being sued by the original Chubby Checker, the musician. I can totally understand: if there's one thing musicians hate, they absolutely abhor being associated with big penises. Oh, I know, this is about trademark and dilution of brand and blah blerg flhhkk, but my guess is the esteemed Mr. Checker checked his shoesize and found out an unfortunate truth about himself. Or, maybe he found the app is horribly miscalculating on the undersized end of the scale and he was the only person in a place to remedy the failure. And really, who besides 12-year-old boys looking for a reason to pick on other kids are going to play with an app that converts show size to penis size, and, do any of them own a fucking Palm device? Where can you even get one, besides a garage sale?

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WOOHOO! Yet more proof my crotch is more powerful than most men's. A new study shows that big cocks are often better in bed than their smaller counterparts. One caveat, though: the big cocks were rated as better by women who - surprise - prefer cocks in general, so while it doesn't mean a huge penis necessarily improves sex, it just means that if your lover wants a cock, it better be a big fucking cock.

I'm behind the curve a bit, as this is the first time I've heard about this documentary My Penis And Everyone Else's, from 2007. It documents one British gentleman's struggle with having a tiny penis, and how the world around us deals with penises in general. For as obsessed as culture is with how women look, penis self-image tends to be ignored or banished into one of two extremes: bigger is better, or size doesn't matter. The guy in the documentary shows that it's a bit more complicated than just that simple dichotomy. Go watch the entire documentary here.

Disinfo has plotted out average penis size numbers on a map, so that we northern-Europeans can feel bad that we weren't born in more Equatorial climates. It seems that the tropical regions grow everything bigger, including cocks. Well, except for the further east you go; sorry Asian countries. The color ranges are calculated in centimeters, with the top maxing out at about seven inches, and I'm already over the top, so no worries here. Motherfucking averages, how do they work? They work in my goddamned favor, thank you very much. Via.