Posts Tagged 'News'

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Why did the picture go to jail?

More from the Tweety -- which is currently full of images because the Red-Blooded Thing Galleries went crazy publishing everything in the queue yesterday afternoon. It's back on track now.

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Why Do Chicken Coops Only Have Two Doors?

Weekly highlights from my Tweety account:

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What has one head, one foot and four legs?

Still twittering about -- follow me and see what arrives this week!

Here's highlights of what you may have missed:

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What's New!

In case you haven't noticed, I've been Tweeting instead of blogging -- go follow me if you miss me. Here's some high points:

Dancing Genitals!

Sweden is a lot more liberal than the U.S., and it manifests itself in so many cute ways. For example, while Sesame Street might sing about body parts like toes and fingers and tongues, a children's program in Sweden might sing about penises and vaginas. Note there's no real sexual content in the song, it's more about how everybody has one or the other and we pee out of them, which if you think about it is kinda weird that Americans and other conservative countries think that should be hidden from young children for some reason. Just look at most of the complaints: many people claim it shouldn't be seen by young children, but few explain why.



Last year, the Riksforbundet For Sexuell Upplysning -- I believe that means "Sexual Applying For Rick's Bucket" -- came to the realization that nobody in Sweden had ever talked about female masturbation before, so there wasn't a word for it. So, now they're voting on what word to use when talking about ladies diddling themselves. The best candidates so far are "klittra", "pulla" and "selfa," thus eliminating three future product names at IKEA. Some of the words appear to come from website visitors, but you should know that Sweden already has a gender-neutral word for masturbation, called "onani", which, incidentally, is also not an IKEA product. This contest is for a female-specific term for masturbation, and if that helps Swedes find the little man in the boat, all the more power to them.


Fantasies Are Normal!

Intrepid researchers asked 1,500 adults what their sexy fantasies are - and it turns out they're all statistically normal. Kids and animals, very unusual of course, golden showers a little less so, but everything else counts as something that turns most humans on. So, that fantasy about watching a woman eat a banana while you rub your dick with ice cream? 98% of men have that fantasy every day according to this study. Well, I think that's the number, it only makes sense.

New Penises!

Scientists at the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine have done what was once thought impossible: cut off a rabbit's penis, grow them a new one, attach the new one, and get the rabbit laid. Well, that's how science works, right? They can't jump right to humans, that'd be tough to find volunteers. However, now that it works for bunnies, they can move on to people and make whole what was once broken. They appear to be only able to grow the penis itself at this time, from what I can gather, and not the entire genitalia, otherwise we'd be too close to producing an Edward Penishands for my comfort.


The Most Dirty Books!

It's Banned Books Week here in the U.S., where underpant superheroes and hog warts are somehow destroying society. For a bit of reflection on how far we've come, though, here's an article from The New Republic in the 1930s, an interview with the book censor himself. Of course he found them titillating, but the children! He's protecting children from smut! The more things change, the more they stay the same - although today 'banned books week' is in a sense about how far we've come, because the books aren't being stopped at the border anymore, intercepted in the mails, it's the individual shelves in a school or library where the battle rages on.

Pic via.

Porn Star Textbook!

A textbook has been withdrawn from circulation because what appears to be cheap stock photography was probably much more expensive than that: one "teacher" is actually a screenshot from cosplay pornography. No, it's not the girl with pigtails, but that was my first guess, too. The woman at the bottom is Mana Aoki, who, as far as can be determined, has never taught mathematics in a professional setting.


Swiss Titties!

Boy, workplaces in Switzerland are really, really laid back: a Swiss federal secretary spent downtime during her workday tweeting nude and explicit photos from her desk. Her defense is that what she does on break is her own business, but the governmental inquest might not be so flippant about it. Here's some examples of her posts, and she apparently deleted her original Twitter account, but reportedly this is her new one, and her porn vids are still online. Sure, Switzerland has a liberal workplace, but if you gotta make ends meet with your government job by doing porn on the side, those little multi-tool pocketknives must not be entirely worth living there.


Top Fantasies!

Durex condoms created a survey, asking what American's top sex fantasies were. The results are rather blase: At the movie theater! In the library! In a car! That's probably because those are the only ones that would possibly have more than one person giving the same answer. All the single answers - "in my mom's closet!", "down at the Ben Franklin Store!", "while my violin teacher is watching!" - scored so low that they don't show up on the list, even though 98% of everyone gave something strangely specific. Only the boring people gave answers boring enough to have quantifiable results. Come on, people: be more creative, there should be no statistically relevant sexual fantasies. Be unique, otherwise you're just boring like everyone else.


Huge German Penises!

The ASEAN region has put together an infographic representing penis size across the Pacific rim. Largest? Indonesia. Smallest? North Korea.

Now, the link below disparages some of the data sources: how can North Koreans with large penises respond to the survey if they're all in work camps? The study that the data came from may not have used properly-vetted sources, so the infographic might have more to do with statistical rigor than actually putting a yardstick to penises.

Second: Germany ranks quite high, but probably thanks to modern medicine. Germany is top for penis augmentation, so if the average is 5.7 inches and 18% of German penises are enlarged, that would make - bear with me, doing some advanced math here, it has been a while since high school algebra - the normal average penis size in Germany is 3.3 inches, and the 18% of augmented penises average 16.6 inches long. You'd think the doctor would stop at 10 or 11 inches, but, hey, if Germans are anything it's stickers about excellence in product design. Maybe North Korea could up their game by throwing in a few 28-inch penises to game the bell-curve.


Masturbation Terror!

Tim Ferriss, productivity guru extraordinaire, is pushing the acronymnously-named NOBNOM. "Nob-nom" might sound like a cheeky name for fellatio, but it's actually quite the opposite: "no booze, no masturbation" is its goal, and if you follow that plan, you'll be more productive.

Now, I can see how booze can interfere with productivity, but if you're working Mr. Ferriss' four-hour-work-week, you clearly can't afford time for a rum-and-coke and a quick jerk to clear your mind.

All this absurdity - beyond the absurdity that a four-hour-work-week actually requires full-time attention - comes down to the question: why are we so scared of masturbation? It goes back a long way, that the self-abuse that releases sperm is reducing a man's verility. Not, so, says the article above: all this masturbation-hate can be traced back to one self-loathing person in 1712, who published a much-promoted pamphlet about how masturbation is destroying society.

The realization that masturbation isn't so bad isn't a new revelation, though; smart people have been disproving it for many years, like this excellent article from a 1945 "men's health" magazine:

"Therefore it is evident that if one does approve of masturbation, if one feels that a moderate amount of masturbation is not harmful, if one feels that there is good and sufficient reason for it, then there is no evidence that it will seriously injure health."

Basically, as pretty much the rules for every sexual fetish and practice, "if it ain't hurting anybody, go ahead and do it."

So, kids, don't listen to He-Man, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.


Hobby Lobby Contraception!

Hey, ladies: you know, there's still ways to get contraception from Hobby Lobby: you just have to get creative with it. WoodRocket shows you how.

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Lower Sperm Count!

MTV wants to warn...wait, MTV? Really? OK, well -- MTV wants to warn you that everything good in your life reduces your sperm count. Really, if I add up everything on the list that I do, I total a 214% reduction in sperm, which I suppose means I'm technically reducing the sperm count of every man within a 50-foot radius. But, I'm not trying to get anybody pregnant, so all the more TV and bacon for me!

Image via.

Wanking A Roomful!

I haven't seen Mike Judge's show, Silicon Valley, but apparently there was a joke about jacking off an entire room of people in it. In line with the geeky context of the show, Judge had really-real scientists, who apparently need more work if they found time for this, to optimize the mathematical prospect of undertaking such a goal.


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