Posts Tagged 'Wtf'

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Flower Farter Nine!

Lady, you're facing the wrong way -- look at all the other plants. Your butt-sunflower needs to face towards the sun if it's ever going to develop those sweet, sweet sunflower seeds!

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Easter Bunny Blowjob!

You know, the Easter Bunny has a crappy job. Unlike Santa, who gets to go home to a warm dinner and nookie with Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny has the same routine - stop at every child's house, leaving gifts - but gets to go back to his cheap studio apartment and his goldfish. That is, unless he stops at a house with a friendly MILF ready to help him blow off a little steam...

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It Doesn't Go There!

Ah, the end of the year list: some are better than others, but when they're simultaneously cautionary and hilarious, you can't lose. This list from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits should make you think twice before sticking things where they aught not to go. For example: "INSERTED A LONG BALLOON IN PENIS TO HAVE GIRLFRIEND BLOW UP FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION AND IT BROKE"...."it" broke....I hope that means the balloon broke, and not the penis. Either way, ballooning the urethra doesn't sound like a good time to me, but, hey, everyone's gotta do their own thing.

Pic via.

Naked Ghosts!

AAAH, it's Halloween and the dead are rising from their graves and...wait, is THAT what ghosts look like under the sheets? Hell, bring a bunch over to my place, haunt me all night if you want!


Condom Slingshot!

I don't know what the #100Ways tag is for, because I'm tweety-illiterate, but whatever it is, this guy is the best at it. Joerg Sprave is a bad Scrabble hand, but a good slingshot maker, and he's taken a whole boxfull of condoms and turned them into weapons of destruction. Best line, said in a deep former Soviet bloc accent: "The winner: the condoms!"

Condom Cookbook!

Oh, Japan, you're so creative. As a way of drawing attention to poor condom usage in Japan, a manga author has put together a book on using condoms. No, not on penises: to quote Twilight Zone - IT'S A COOKBOOK. You might think this is weird, but given some thought, cooking with condoms is just like sex with condoms: put tasty-juicy meat in the condom, don't EAT the condom - throw it away when done, and, um, well, it's about that simple.


Cosmo Positions IRL!

I've been commenting on the viability of Cosmo's sex positions for years, and somebody finally decided to put their health at risk and actually attempt these dangerous acrobatic techniques. I hope they were at least certified in yoga, so that their inevitible disclocations and bone-breaks didn't cause too much permanent damage.

Snake Handler!

When I showed her my 'anaconda', she looked I know why. She's a bit too friendly with that snake, if you know what I mean.

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Treasure Chests!

An intrepid redditor was snooping around his grandmother's house, and found this horrifyingly arousing calendar. Just so you know, photoshopping breasts on things isn't new, although back in the day you needed an airbrush to make these sorts of alterations to otherwise attractive ladies. The link below is to the 1971 edition; here's 1969's strange boobs. They were apparently related to a book by two guys named Mel Norman and Arthur Benwood - you can see the book here.


Weird Al Parody!

Woodrocket's on fire this week -- they have now released a Weird Al "UHF"-themed porn a parody of a parodist's feature film? It's almost so meta it burns. Anyhow, be prepared for weird boners, looking at boobs attached to someone with an 80s-era porn 'stache. I will note, however, that the sexy 'Stanley Spadowski' parody babe is the second time Michael Richards has been depicted in porn -- the first was Seinfeld XXX. That only makes this all weirder.


Plunger Blow Job!

You'd think, by the time it passed her lips, she'd have realized that something wasn't quite right about that dude's cock. Maybe she's just really far-sighted and can't see anything directly underneath her nose, but the taste should have been a clue. Any which way, if the dude can hide his entire package in that plunger, she'll have more fun with the plunger anyhow.


Ventriloquist Porn!

Veronica Chaos was a stripper with a desire to make something more for herself. She looked at the camgirl world, and found herself as a little fish in a big pond...until she applied her ventriloquism skills, and now she fucks puppets on cam for fun and profit. See, people, this is why my porn career hasn't taken off: a sorry lack of vaudeville talents.


A Grand Old Flag!

I'm not sure this is an appropriate way to display the flag, but it's right-side up, nobody's burning it and it isn't touching the ground, so I don't see any flaws....

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Penis Electricity!

Just how much electricity can the penis tolerate? Apparently being struck by lightning in the penis has no lasting effects, but scientists still decided to study penis-zapping because the superhero-sounding technology "electrosurgery" is common enough in penis repairs that finally they decided to see just what shocking a penis does to it. Someone should have just asked the electrostim people, they've probably got a lot of, albeit anecdotal, case data on electrifying penises.

Sex Driving!

It turns out that 11% of people admit to having sex while driving. Most of that sounds like basic fooling around, but this couple must've been doing something awfully distracting since they were cuising at 55mph, turned down a dead-end dirt road, and went airborne for 30 feet over a canal, all while half naked and canoodling in the driver's seat. Man, if texting while driving is bad, this is so much worse -- they need to put up PSA billboards to discourage sexdriving now, too!



That green thing? It's an apple, and I'm not sure what Nicole is planning on doing, but if she's making applesauce she better get started - after that apple, she needs to do about 10 more to boobpress if we're going to have enough for porkchops tonight!


How Many Dildos!

Phone sex is like erotica, in that you can create totally unrealistic fantasies that would make sex a lot less sexy if you tried it. Like this guy's fantasy of just shoving dildo after dildo into a woman's rectum. Humans aren't rubber duckies, a shapely shell with an empty volume inside - unless that's your kink, which is OK by me.


Vagina Names!

Take notice, reality stars, twelve-year-olds, and erotica writers: stop using these names for vaginas. I was surprised when va-jay-jay took off, because I didn't know anyone who actually watched Gray's Anatomy, but apparently it has stuck. The article is rather thin, certainly optimised for SEO and little else, but it's lovely to see so many in one place - and the video at the end actually is pretty good.

Note: many of the terms seem to be describing the vulva, not the vagina. They weren't being pedantic enough.

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