Open Source Teledildonics!
The future is here, people: open source sex toys are on the way. It's not just 3d-printed penises: technically-minded people are trying to stimulate your genitals in ways you had never-before predicted. Thanks, Linus Torvalds, for giving technology the kind of can-do attitude that'll encourage people to electrically shock their own genitals in hopes of discovering the sex toys of the future!
Sorry, the picture is unrelated.
Penis Donation!
In Iceland, there's apparently a penis museum, which is also the most thorough penis museum, because it also contains a human penis. As you might guess, there's a story behind that, as a new documentary will show. Apparently, two different men (as opposed to this guy) believe they have the most museum-quality penises in the world, and were each vying to be the one whose penis is exhibited in the museum. Unfortunately, two-penis guy is probably the only one to deserve to be in the museum, but beggars can't be choosers when it comes to penis donations.
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Bra Turns 100!
No parades, no retrospectives full of famous people saying how it changed their lives, no enormous marble statue in the town square, but despite the lack of folderol the bra has turned 100 years old. Patented by a New York socialite in 1914, the technology is second only to space travel and computers when it comes to the amount of technological ingenuity thrown at it. All to keep boobs happy, so thanks, bras!
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Nude Church!
Sure, when I go to church pantsless and flappin' in the wind, the cops get called - but in Virginia you can go to church naked and nobody complains at all. At the White Tail Nudist Resort, they've got a chapel and hold Christian religious services in the nude - or, as you'll see in the video, there's some clothed people, so you won't feel left out if you want church but don't feel like not dressing up. I suppose there's a good message in the trappings of earthy materials, and looking how you were the way God dressed you on the day you were born, but all I can think about is how often the pews get cleaned off.
Playboy Photoshoot!
Photographer Patrick Van Dam loves taking pictures of beautiful mostly-naked women (but who doesn't), and in this photoset he has turned the camera around, documenting the process of performing a Playboy photoshoot in such a way that the naked ladies are a mere accessory to the real work.
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3D Porn!
As with the utter failure of traditional 3D TVs, the attempt to make 3D pornography the Way Of The Future is also a failure, a dismal, regrettable attempt to use futuristic technology to improve the industry. The best quote, which sums it up: "the things that can come at you are the things that a male viewer does not want coming at them." Well, what about the women? All the fun of getting sprayed by sperm without the messy cleanup - what's not to like? But, like non-porn 3D, requring a bunch of high-tech equipment to make it work is the downfall of 3D porn as well. Why would they think a format that requires a special TV would counteract the free porn glut on the internet?
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Valentines Hookers!
Esquire asks the hard-hitting questions: what do escorts do on Valentine's Day? How about they do their jobs, because, um, they're escorts? There's not a whole lot here that would be any different if they asked, "What do escorts do on National Umbrella Day?", but the nicest thing about the interview is how plain it is. No talk of the degradation of women, or sensationalizing the sex, just, yeah, this woman sleeps largely with married guys who pay her for the service, whether it's Valentine's Day or not. Straight-up capitalism at its finest.
Soapy Ambra!
As she slowly washed her body, enjoying the hot water running down her dark skin, her mind wandered back to the guy she fucked the night before. She didn't know his name, or where he was from, but she didn't need to. Her fingers wandered down between her legs, and lingered there a while.
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Kevin Hart Sexts!
Comedian Kevin Hart thinks he knows how to sext. Be blunt, but then back down immediately when asked about it. And if there's one thing women love it's when a man starts out strong but immediately acts like he was pretending, that's totally a turn-on, right ladies?
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MidMod Record Console!
Now this is stylish: a midcentury-modern styled record storage shelf with built-in turntable. I like that sloped shelf underneath - perfect for flipping through albums while keeping them relatively flat. The best thing is, anyone with a modicum of woodworking skills could reproduce this with a few basic tools, like those old 'make your own modern furniture' books from the '50s.
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Prostitution Museum!
Amsterdam's legalized prostitution and red-light district intrigue visitors from all over, but what do you really know about it? Now you can learn more about the history of prostitution in Amsterdam at the Red Light Secrets museum of prostitution. Sorry, you can't actually get a hooker there, but a little eye-opening understanding might go a long way in enjoying yourself.
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Porn Like Dildo!
Cosmo gets it: porn is like a Hitachi Magic Wand for guys. Since Sex in the City it has been chic for women to have a plastic, technologically advanced penis available for their slightest sexual whim, while the idea of a guy masturbating to porn is still seen as 'cheating'. Maturbating is fun, having sex is fun, one doesn't necessarily need to take away from the other, so let's all just relax and let the orgasms flow. Yay!
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Office Faux Pas!
I know Casual Fridays are getting out of hand, but when we say 'casual dress' I think you should actually be dressed to count. Unfortunately, this has gone on for forty-five weeks straight with no complaints, so consider this an undocumented, nonactionable verbal warning, Miss Littleboobs.
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Porn Star 101!
Ever wanted to become a porn star? Sound hot to fuck while people are filming or photographing you? Here's the skinny on becoming a porn performer! In short: being a porn star is a business -- in fact, pretty much everything they've said here applies to all work-for-hire jobs: negotiate contracts, don't do work that wasn't agreed to, pay your taxes, demand to be paid what the work is worth, walk if things look unbalanced against your favor. The STD parts also go for everyone who has sex (i.e.: everyone).
That said, James Deen and Nina Hartley are so fun to watch reading teleprompters they should be working for some 24-hours news channel.
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Kiiroo Teledildonics!
Kiiroo is a social network for sex toys -- if you own the male-oriented "SVir" or the female "OPue", you register the device with Kiiroo, which then lets other people control your device for teledildonic pleasure. As a social network, I expect things to go this way: first, there's not much adoption so not many people go there. Then, it reaches a tipping point where it becomes awesome because everyone you want to be there is hanging out. Finally, it reaches the climax, and you spend all your time with a rubber vagina strapped to your crotch while you spend your time clearing your inbox from Candy Crush Saga requests, messages from spammers, and fifty posts of meme graphics taken from last week's Reddit. I can already sit at my desk with a rubber vagina strapped to my cock, it's just a matter of timing to get Kiiroo just right.
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Superbowl Porn Watching!
The numbers are in: porn traffic increased dramatically in Denver during the Superbowl on Sunday. Porn consumption dropped precipitously in both metro areas at the beginning, with Seattle turning to porn instead of Bruno Mars during halftime, but once it was pretty clear recovery was impossible for Denver, poor Broncos fans turned to their PCs for a little empty pleasure to offset the crushing defeat.
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Masturbation Is War!
Christians want you to know that porn addiction is like being a wounded soldier...self-love is a sign of a wounded soul, which is at least as bad as having your arm ripped off in an instant by an IED, leaving you bleeding in the street as bullets from guerilla AK47s wiz by, preventing help from getting any closer to you as the blood pools around your head. Totally the same thing. Note that one of the biggest issues they say at the beginning is that when Billy got addicted to porn, he stopped going to church. If this is your church's attitude towards soldiers, that the risks they put themselves through is comparable to wanking off with your laptop is in bed, I can see why Billy stopped going to your ignorant church.
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