Alyssa's Bubbly Afternoon!

Alyssa has everything she needs to get clean: a tub, bubble bath, a glass dildo, some soap--wait, what was that last one? I don't know a glass dildo helps get things clean, but I don't know enough to dispute it.

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Election Year Blow-Up Dolls!

There's a million ways people predict who's going to be president -- exit polls, social media buzz, hashtags, blind luck...but if you look at the sex toy industry, it looks like we've got a Hillary vs Trump election this year.

Trump, of course, is ready-made to be transformed into a plastic bag full of hot air; sales of the Trump sex doll are actually going to help support refugees, so it's not just a fun toy, but a way to help those disadvantaged by people with the same political leanings as Mr. Trump:

Sadly, the Trump blow-up doll was made by an artist called "Saint Hoax", so if it were real (there's no way to buy them at the moment, and all traces have been removed from St Hoax's Instagram), there's no way to buy them now. They seemed to be orafice-less, and at the very least had a tiny, tiny penis that didn't show up in photographs, which I'll let you take inference of.

Hillary has long been the subject of sexist, misogynist "satire" toys, like the nut-crackers that have been around for decades, so there's plenty of precedence leading up to the Hillary Clinton sex doll.

These first came out for the 2008 election and the fact that I can't find a single photo of this blow-up doll inflated and ready-to-use is probably a good sign that nobody has ever bought one, or at least the bachelor-party gift-recipient merely smiled politely while their friends guffawed and then tossed it in a closet. The company also makes a wind-up masturbating Hillary, designed by someone who has never seen a naked woman before.

Also from Pipedream is the Barack Obama sex doll, which, also, has never been photographed outside of its original packaging:

Note that their tagline is "He Fucked the Economy, Now You CAN Fuck Him Back!" which would indicate there's an ass orifice, but no word on if there's a big, black swinging cock like we all know Obama hides in his slacks.

Back to Trump: early in his campaign, he (unsurprisingly) pissed somebody off enough to make them design and build a Trump butt-plug

The reason given on the page is, "I usually make butt plugs to insult dictators, homophobes and politicians. When I heard Donald Trump's remarks about Mexicans and Latinos from South America I was especially angry."

For the most part, blow-up dolls and other sex toys that look like real people are designed specifically because people want to fuck 'em. Can't get the real Bonnie Rotten? Here's a blowup doll screenprinted with her face and tattoos, almost just as good.

These political blow-up dolls are a different animal altogether: these are effigies, like the straw-filled mannequins hung in middle-eastern squares, with Bush or Obama faces on them, and burned for the cheering masses. The Obama doll above explicitly says it: this guy fucked you over, so now you can fuck him back.

There's nothing sexy about pretending to rape somebody you hate: the Trump, Hillary, and Obama sex dolls aren't genitalia-accurate because that's not the point. The point is anger towards the person, taken out on a inflatable effigy of them. It says something about the culture that makes the effigy: Uniformly across the world effigies are burned, Mexico creates pinatas to beat the crap out of, and America designs effigies you can fuck into submission.

So, the Trump and Hillary dolls may not be an indicator of who's going to win, but instead identifies who everyone's the most afraid of. Jeb! may not have been a great candidate, but he's not so bad that people want to pound his ass or pop him with a needle.

Pretty much everyone who posted about the Trump and Clinton sex dolls recently seem to have missed the point: these aren't interesting, sexy toys to get your rocks off. These are about fear and retaliation. Don't give into that sort of behavior; there's nothing funny about devolving into swinging around your penis to show you're in charge, whether the recipient is plastic or not.

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