Chantelle spends about half her time undressing (it must be very complex), but once she starts to relax in the tub, warm suds slipping across her sweet breasts, stressful memories of the difficult degarmenting just slip away:

Out for a bike ride, a Florida man got a sexy surprise: robbery by a gang of women with nothing but suspender straps to cover their nipples. It sounds like he just barely escaped the horrorshow ultra-violence, because the Warriors had just barely made it home.

Ladies' nights are not discriminatory against men, according to a New York judge who tossed out the case of a man who believes men, as a whole, are being discriminated by being provided a place where hot, single women can get drunk for cheap. Such a horrible, horrible place for men to be; too bad, the law has declared the status quo will remain, because (and the court acknowledges this), "male customers actually might benefit from ladies' nights because so many women attend." God bless America and her sexist bars!

We saw just their breasts a couple weeks ago, which was kinda unfair, so here's the rest of Brittany and Kristy -- different photos, different bathtime, same hot, soapy tits. Nothing to complain about there!

If you want to get laid, go find the sleaziest college you can. If you want to get laid safely and without your dick falling off, Stanford is the place to go. The college's support of the student body by making prophylactics, contraception, and STD testing more accessible than their counterparts, means you might have less risky sex if you track down one of those nerdy Stanford gals.

For those of you who don't have as amazing a penis as I have, you might need a little help. The newest snake-oil is called "horny goat weed", because all three of those words are exactly what a guy wants to associate with his dick. Me, I got my "horny goat weed"...in my pants!

Down in Australia, 'ranga' is, apparently, a derrogatory term for redheads (thanks to, what else, comedy TV), so people were obviously offended when a local zoo offered free admission for 'rangas', meaning redheads get in for free. Oh, how the redheads are abused, being compared to a common ape. Don't people realize that redheads are the sexiest form of life ever?! How insulting to God's greatest creature.

Singapore is hosting a Formula One Grand Prix, which of course brings big spenders into the area, much to the enjoyment of escorts, who are seeing a business boom. Businessmen are spending thousands for the company of young ladies who "don't look like an escort", but, hopefully, perform all the duties of one.

Oh, Mya, those breasts look so dirty -- while I'd love to sit here and watch you wash yourself, it'd be a disservice to your amazing tits to refuse to help lathering them up:

Nearly fifty years later, photographer Bert Stern might get back his "Last Sitting" Marilyn Monroe photos. Taken on assignment for Vogue, Stern lent them to Eros magazine (a fine publication, if I do say myself), but never got them back. After years of tracking down the originals, he found them in the possession of two New York guys. The guys asked for a bunch of money for their return, which, inevitably, resulted in lawyers getting involved. There's lots of issues here (wouldn't they belong to Vogue? Does the Visual Artists Rights Act mean anything? Any documentation on how Eros was supposed to return them?) but greed is, of course, the driving force behind the conflict! .

Now, I can understand supporting your favorite team, but I've never been a fan of wearing a jersey for a team you don't play on, especially with your fat gut trying to keep out from under a shirt with the name of an athletic, toned and strong guy across your shoulders. Fake player jerseys are still all over the place, as this website will attest. Readers send in random jerseys they meet during their days, attributing them to the player's name, and often without seeing the face of the actual wearer.

I'm a fan of the K1000, but Olympus made a lot of great cameras. They recently revealed a prototype that hails back to their early years of the entry-level camera market, with brushed aluminum and leatherette overlays, seen here:

Nobody lets bars have any fun. An Australian bar is offering free drinks for a flash, and a free tab if you leave your panties at the bar. What's so wrong with that? I mean, other than encouraging public drunkenness...because people who want to get really, really drunk need encouragement. Something I'd like to know more about is at the end of the story: The same hotel drew criticism in June when it employed a shirtless dwarf to pour shots of liquor down the throats of patrons. Now that's a crowd-pleaser!

Men, look for natural roots peeking through: women who dye their hair tend to be looser in bed. Not only that, but they feel more confident in general, and overall do it for attention, especially from strangers. No wonder all the gals at the bar quite clearly "don't match the drapes" if you know what I mean.

Men with traditional values have deeper pockets, according to a new study released yesterday. In fact, unless you have deep pockets, there's no chance in hell of being married to a housewife in today's economy. On average, they make $8500 more than those of us who feel wives have skills and advantages in the workforce. On the other hand: the guy might make $8500 more than the guy who "lets" his wife work, but my bet is that a working wife brings in a bit more than that for her efforts.

It's a given, apparently: if you're a hot woman and you're very close to your hot female twin, you've got a career in pornography and escorting. These two young entrepeneurs wisely used their assets to build a career few people can enter: the Sexy Twin Market.

It's an easy mistake -- you show up for work, but forgot to get dressed first. It's a nightmare most of us have had since our gradeschool days, but for one young lady in Illinois, clothes-free was how she spent the first part of her evening as a bartender. As for the second half of the evening, she spent it in jail for indecent exposure. Sadly, there are no photos of the event, so I can't say if she was genuinely indecent -- there are more than a couple bartenders I know who I think would be perfectly decent to see naked. Oh, wait, these guys have her booking pho--DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN! Oh, well, no wonder the cops wanted her to get dressed. She's younger than me, and looks my mom's age. Maybe this'll encourage the bar to hire someone a bit more lovely for the nude-bartender-in-a-non-nude-bar job.

Some guy named James Gunn, who's supposedly tha shit in film shorts today, has a new deal, with Spike TV, to produce PG Porn: real actors, real pornstars, together! doing suggestive yet chaste things to each other. I predict 3 watchable episodes, which is more than any internet-originating shorts-series has ever done.

A writer, quite obviously gunning for some literary award, asked escorts out on real dates, like bowling and minigolf. Mistake #1: not paying the escort their regular rate, then acting like the escort obviously is only in it for the sex or that there's something creepy about a sexless escort gig. He gets straightened out by one of the escorts that did take him up on the date: It's an escort's job, and they're getting paid for their time; try asking a lawyer for cheaper hours because it's an easy and fun job. As for the creepy part: of course they thought it was creepy; they weren't going to work for cheap when the guy gets off on "reporter-and-escort-minigolfing" role-play. Al! so, miraculously, the only three escorts that take him up on the offer consist of a young-and-in-it-for-the-money, an older-and-fallen-on-hard-times, and a pro-with-her-head-on-straight-and-business-sense. A veritable microcosm of hooker TV-character stereotypes! The article is a Pulitzer-winner for sure.

It's always wise to bathe with a friend when your breasts are so fucking huge. I mean, if you're not careful, you're liable to injure yourself. Make sure somebody (like me, or a lesbian friend) is hold on to them, just to be sure they don't slip out and break anything. It's a safety thing, really.

Studies have shown that couples who sleep in separate beds have better sleep than those who sleep together. This, to those of us who are children of the hedonistic 70s and 80s, seems to be completely, so to speak, "wack". The numbers, however, prove it: a noisy, lumpy neighbor who keeps rolling around and steals the covers is actually a detriment to quality sleep. Well, when you put it that way, it makes sense.

New studies show that funny looking guys still think they have a chance with hot gals. The article points out the #1 factor for the difference: guys are more interested in hot looks than women. Women, on the other hand, want a guy who'll be fun to hang out when the fucking is over, which opens up the field to all sorts of not-so-attractive guys. Also, famous funny-looking guys have their successes held up as examples of how anybody can find a hot babe: look at Steve Buscemi. That guy fucks supermodels all day long.

That's something the U.S. just doesn't get enough of: live, naked women showing up in public as advertisements. Clogau Gold painted a beautiful young lady all in gold, and sent her out into the streets as a comparison to the beauty of their jewelry. Debeer's Diamonds: shadows. Kay's Jewelry: long-married housewives getting things from their husbands. Clogau Gold: naked ladies. I think we know who wins this immunity challenge.

Here's something EVERYBODY needs to worry about: When you have a blood clot in your thigh and a hole in your heart that could make the clot pass randomly into an artery that leads to the brain, DON'T have sex before experiencing a stroke caused by that random connection of clot-hearthole-brain-event. If you do, the only thing anybody will know is that you just had sex, not that you lived every day with a serious medical condition that could have killed you at any time. Just thought you should know.

Competitors in Amsterdam have proven that pole-dancing is as athletic as any other gymnastics, only the 'parallel bars' are actually a single bar mounted vertically. Oh, and unlike the Olympics, you don't have to be ashamed of that erection you get while watching.

In a survey of Australian prostitutes, Sydney is still the best: hookers in Sydney, undeterred by being considered criminals, go for medical care far more often than their counterparts in other large Aussie cities. Melbourne has also decriminalized, but excerts far more control in terms of registration and oversight, which discourages prostitutes from getting medical services for their profession.

Serenity must've taken a cue from Seinfeld in that Microsoft commercial: bathe in your clothes, when you're done, you're ready to go. She slowly undresses as she washes herself, which is more fun to watch than anything else:

Atlantic City's Borgata Hotel caters to a guest's every need -- including a "sex kit" containing condoms and other intimate aids, and have become their most-purchased 'room service' item. One might expect this at a Sybaris, but at regular hotels, they do understad their clientele...any place that has a bed should have condoms nearby. Serta Outlet Store on Hwy 83 North, I'm pointing at you.

Nude disco dancing may have been the rage in Studio 54, but the Hindus and the Maoists both frown on the practice in Nepal. Many 'nude discos' have been closed and many have been arrested for dropping their clothes and doing the hustle in the high altitudes of Nepal, potentially making 80,000 unemployed, but saving so, so many nipples from frostbite.

In a move shocking to world superpowers, the Pope's "handlers" allowed him to slip from their grip and ingest a small amount of water from the fountain of Lourdes, a spring from which holy water pours directly from the ground. The holy water added a significant amount of Jesus energy to the aging pope, causing what so many tried to prevent: the ability for the Pope to travel through time. In other news, new evidence has just appeared, as if from a dream, that proves Martin Luther, King Henry VIII, and Joseph Stalin were never born. More details later.

When defacing gravestones, make sure you don't sign your name. Sure, 'tagging' will probably slip under the radar if it's on a railroad car or brick wall, but defacing peoples' final resting places will get you turned in just for being a huge ass. "Roach" here wasn't bright enough to figure out that level of respect on his own.

Beating out Beatleses and Roling Stoneses, Chubby Checker's The Twist is the number-oneiest of number one songs ever . When you see that Smooth by Rob Thomas and Santana is nudging shoulders with the Macarena in the top five, you might want to send those numbers back to the statisticians who came up with the freaky list. Nothing against Chubby Checkers, I mean, he rocks, but that list is about as random as a 20-something hipster's MP3 player on shuffle.

Oh, Laurie -- why don't you relax in the bubble bath more? You turn on the sprayer too, too soon, washing away the bubbly soapiness. At least there's two good pictures of you lying in the lather:

...or so says I, but this article at The Atlantic takes a more judicious look at whether pornography is a form of adultery, including whether porn has an affect on sexual violence or other crimes. Overall, the article's tone sympathizes with what I know: porn is an outlet, doesn't cause any harm on its own, and the man's ability to have a relationship is greater weight on how his pornography affects his life.

Bears are having a tough time -- they seem to be in bicyclists' way all the time. Back in June, a guy heading downhill on a bike hit a bear at about 45mph, and just today another bear got hit by a bicyclist on his way to school. I could blame high gas prices, resulting in more quiet bicycles and fewer noisy cars to scare off bears, or I could blame global warming for causing bears to move closer to human habitats, or I could just blame bicyclists for not looking where they're fucking going. There are bears around, people!

I haven't liked those new Microsoft-Gates-Seinfeld ads, although Gracie like 'em. Turns out, there's an explanation why: the commercials are a thinly-veiled promotion of kinky sex. Foot fetish, leather fetish, wet-tshirt, churros - churros! - all add up to Bill Gates being a naughty, naughty boy.

A new book recommends a church confessional as one of the 101 places to have sex before you die. For obvious reasons, churches don't like the suggestion of confessional-fucking on their property. I highly doubt anyone will every actually accomplish thist lofty objective, but according to the Catholic League's Bill Donohoue, "The kind of people who would have sex in the confessional would also have sex in a graveyard. And I don't mean with each other." Ah, the quick association of the slightest perversion with the deepest perversion. "People who have oral sex are gonna fuck their dogs eventually!" "Lock up your ten-year-old girls, that guy likes to be spanked!" "Gays, gays everywhere -- prepare to be fucked in the nose!" The only way the fair Catholic League president could prove his statement would be to poll the people who have had sex in a church and question their necrophiliac predilections. I volunteer him to do the questioning. He may not realize that, to a lot of people, his "church" is just a big public building, and people just like to fuck each other anywhere they have a enclosed, quiet place, whether it's a confessional, store changing room, or public bathroom. Or, wherever there's a sexy latex-nun:



Oh no -- I think she's hot, now the Catholic League knows I'm a horse-fucker!