If you think pornstars spend their days surrounded by adoring men, feeding her peeled grapes and massaging her feet, praying that they will be chosen for her next hedonistic romp -- you'd be wrong. Buzzfeed talked to several pornstar actresses and found that - surprise - it's very businesslike and not hedonistic at all. It's almost like one of the biggest money-making industries populated by performers and actors isn't real, and is exaggerated for the enjoyment of the viewing public. Shocked, I'm shocked I tell you.

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Boy, workplaces in Switzerland are really, really laid back: a Swiss federal secretary spent downtime during her workday tweeting nude and explicit photos from her desk. Her defense is that what she does on break is her own business, but the governmental inquest might not be so flippant about it. Here's some examples of her posts, and she apparently deleted her original Twitter account, but reportedly this is her new one, and her porn vids are still online. Sure, Switzerland has a liberal workplace, but if you gotta make ends meet with your government job by doing porn on the side, those little multi-tool pocketknives must not be entirely worth living there.

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Say what you will about Chinese employee relations, at least one has an awesome benefit package. A company in China rewarded is Employee of the Year with a night with Japanese pornstar Hatano Yui. One can only guess what happened that night, but if you won a night with a pro chef, you expect to eat well; a night with an astronomer, you expect to see the stars. A night with a pornstar?

I did dig around the internet to try and confirm the story, what with the unspecific "company in China" and that this is the one and only news story reporting it. Unless I hear otherwise, I think it's simply the horny dreamings of a lowly foreign-bureau reporter who drinks out of an "Employee Of The Year" coffee mug.

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Society trains little girls to hope to be princesses and mothers, STEM education hopes they'll be engineers and engineers (the math kind and the train kind), but sometimes little girls want to grow up to be porn stars. Asa Akira is one of the latter: in her memoir Insatiable: Porn - a Love Story, Asa tells how she went from a good home and happy family to being a porn star. No, that's no spiral downward: if we know anything, it's that porn stars are generally well-rounded, and Asa Akira proves that in her book.

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Ever wanted to become a porn star? Sound hot to fuck while people are filming or photographing you? Here's the skinny on becoming a porn performer! In short: being a porn star is a business -- in fact, pretty much everything they've said here applies to all work-for-hire jobs: negotiate contracts, don't do work that wasn't agreed to, pay your taxes, demand to be paid what the work is worth, walk if things look unbalanced against your favor. The STD parts also go for everyone who has sex (i.e.: everyone).

That said, James Deen and Nina Hartley are so fun to watch reading teleprompters they should be working for some 24-hours news channel.

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Glad to hear you're doing better, Ron, but yesterday it looked pretty bleak. Ron Jeremy, king of fucking for a living, had a heart aneurysm, which required some emergency surgery and some time in the ICU. Apparently, fucking thousands of nubile young women does have a negative health impact. We're all sending out best wishes, Mr. Jeremy, hope you get better soon.

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Dave Cummings is a 69-year-old American porn star, and the greatest asset our fine young nation has to offer the world! I mean, think about it: when you're 69, you're going to be lucky you can even use an erection properly, let alone stick it into some big-titted porn star. Former military man, devoted father, working well into his retirement years: he's everything that constitutes a hero of this great United States of America! Unfortunately, Japan has a 70-something porn star, but they're always ahead of us in everything sexual. Damn you, Japan!

Let's say, you're a marketer, and you want to get your logo in front of the eyes of people who rarely leave the house, spend all their time staring at a computer screen. How do you get their attention? tattoo your logo on the tits of a porn star. This, my friends, is genius! The company sells virtual currency for online games, which means, that, yes, in terms of visual surfaces, porno tits occupy, like, 45% of the viewer's day, with the other 55% in the game itself anyway. Better than some poor loser's forehead - that just breeds pity and sorrow; porn star boobs make things awesomer.

Here's how Ron Jeremy describes a new movie he's in: "If aliens could see the Earth the first thing they'd notice is satellites. What's the biggest thing on satellite? Porn. What's the biggest thing in porn? Me. The aliens infiltrate my penis and it severs from my body during a sex scene and runs along the floor and starts a killing spree.." Um, sounds like a freakin' classic, dude. Still, it's always nice to hear Ron Jeremy talk about his life and business - they guy is always so grounded and approachable; it's no wonder women like to see him in porn. He's the guy they all want to date: friendly, funny, and with a huge dick.

So, let's say you want to film a porno, to get a little scratch for tuition. Um, well, when the tuition goes to a Christian school, you might want to rethink your choice of career. Dude, like with Miss California - don't you fucking realize that Christians are the ones who disapprove of your life? Getting nude, being gay, performing in porn: those are all things that Christians say are against their moral fibre. If you think any or all of those are fine, you shouldn't be enrolling at a school which specifically says some or all of those are against their moral expectations. People send their kids to private religious schools because of their Conservative bent. You want to get naked, you want to fuck strangers for money, excellent - but stop pretending you're some good Christian, recognize yourself for what you are. Christian Conservatives get way too much support from stupid people who don't know any better. Mr. Gay Christian: keep doing your porns, go to a public university, and your life will be happier if you be Christian in your own porn-loving, boy-fucking way. Fuck the Christian establishment.

Ah, social conservatives: you never realize just how much of your happiness is provided by loose morals and social progressivism. Case in point: Miss California Carrie Prejean, who had said, during her question-and-answer, that she thinks marriage is only for men and women, and later that she would do her best to protect "traditional marriage" (from what, we do not know), has been discovered to have posed topless for a photographer. Ms. Prejean, don't you understand that those sorts of photos are considered pornography by your fellow conservatives? She believes that it's a 'gay conspiracy' to discredit her, without realizing the real source: the rules against nude photos, as outlined in her contract, are established by social conservatives who want to promote the veneer of proper respectibility that comes with being a Miss Someplace. Me, I know a Miss California has no real influence on the world, and I got no problem with women posing nude, so she's really off base if she thinks progressives or liberals are manipulating her history. Her history is unaccaptable by social and moral conservative standards, and if those are the rules she lives by, she needs to pay the piper - hell, Prejean didn't even tell anybody about the photos when she should have. If there's one thing Conservatives know, is you can't have things both ways, Ms. Prejean. "Oh, you homosexuals, you don't live up to my expectations of what is proper in society, so I want to take away your ability to get married - but - no, my partial-nudity is getting my Miss California title taken away?!? What gives you the right?!!" When I step up to the counter, I'll order a large Schadenfreude, with a side of Ironic Justice, please! I wonder if, when her title is taken away, California will reposess the breasts they bought for her. Strip her of her title, her value, her new-and-improved body, oh Conservative powers: make her an example of how you build up a shiny, pretty exterior, only to destroy it when it shows any flaw under your unreasonable expectations.

A stewardess' after-hours job has gotten some attention: she has been moonlighting as a porn star named Edita Bente, in between offering people pillows and peanuts at 30,000 feet. The awesomest part of the story: her job is safe, because the airlines have the common sense to recognize that a person's free-time is unrelated to their job. Intelligence wins!

Boy, as if you needed to know anything more about the tiniest details of your favorite pornstars, somebody's kludged together a way to follow all porn-star Twitters at once. The domain is "P, or N, start weet", which I think is some reference the P/NP problem, and the sound guinea-pigs make. Awfully brainy domain for a website devoted to self-paparraziing erotic film stars. (via)

Style.com talks to several guys who are each married to a "porn star" (with a grain of salt, though; every actor who's ever been in porn is called a "star"), and chit-chats about what it's like to be married to the object of lust for men around the world. The answer: not much different from regular marriages, as long as you don't freak out over her career choice...plus you get to fuck a porn star. I call that a 'win' in everyone's book.