Songs About Dicks!

Saweetie knows her type and he's got eight inches in his pants, and I'm surprised just how often this song gets played on the radio -- you'd think a song that explicitly talks about fucking a big dick would raise somebody's eyebrows, but I'm not complaining...this is just one in a long line of songs about dicks that made airplay.

My Ding-A-Ling, Chuck Berry

A favorite of tweens given how blatantly penis- and masturbation-related it is despite its innocent lyrics and cheery tune (plus its sing-along refrain) make this one of the best of the dick reference tunes; it doesn't really have anything to do with size, but is more about proper care and handling of a ding-a-ling.

Big Ten Inch, Aerosmith

Along the same lines of My Ding-A-Ling, Aerosmith also packed some innuendo into a classic rock tune, bragging about how much his girl wants his big-ten-inch....record, although the verse leading up to it doesn't really sound like she's interested in anything that goes on a turntable.

Slide It In, Whitesnake

"It", of course, is his penis. By today's standards lyrics that consist of "you act like you don't want my dick, but I know you do" don't really fly, even though they still get a bit of airplay; however for the early 80s hair-band vibe this was par for the course for announcing sexual prowess. It's about the guy's desire, and the woman will catch up later.

Sledgehammer, Peter Gabriel

I mean, usually Peter Gabriel lyrics are pretty much abstract free verse that there's no point in trying to understand, but sometimes things come together, like everything in Sledgehammer; it's all about pounding, bumping, opening up sweet fruitcakes and feeding the rhythm, it just falls short of explicitly saying 'yeah, we're fucking in this verse'.

Short Dick Man, Gilette

It was years before I heard the uncensored one, since the 'short short man' version got some airplay in the 90s. While the 'short short' version tries a hand at obscuring the truth with overdubs and censorship noise, this version just gives up on any sort of innuendo and just says, nope, short dick men are unacceptable.

Work It, Missy Elliot

We're into the inverse of guys singing about how great their dicks are - society has given women the power to explicitly like sex, too, and Missy Elliot is definitely making that point in this song. If you've got a big [elephant noise], she wants it; I've always hoped there was an uncensored version where she actually says 'cock', but leaving that sound effect in keeps the naughty, irreverent blue humor of the rest of the song intact, and confuses enough people that KitKats used the song to sell how much their candy wanted to suck your dick or something.

Peacock, Katy Perry

I'm sure plenty of dick-pic jerks think this is speaking to them, but all Katy Perry is trying to say is she wants to see your peacock...cock....cock. And why not? When Katy Perry says to whip it out, you do not leave her disappointed. As a song, it's pretty weak sauce, but at least she's getting her point across.

Anaconda, Nicki Minaj

Women want dick, and being able to sing about it without hiding it behind naiive and innocent innuendo is long past, like miss Minaj here, who likes guys whose dick is as big as a tower. Liberally sampling Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back, it not only acts as an homage but also a response that although guys like a nice ass, women with the nice ass can like a dick right back.

(10/30/19: Edited because I fucking forgot Missy Elliot)