Porn Women Like!

The excellent Billion Wicked Thoughts has given us yet another tidbit of interesting info: women enjoy the same sort of porn that men like; feminist porn, while not bad, isn't necessarily what porn-liking women are interested in. Note that the percent of porn-liking women is small, so I offer a slightly different interpretation: the people advocating feminist porn as "porn women like" aren't trying to influence porn-loving women; they're trying to figure out what the other 80% like. The study above pretty much shows that feminist porn isn't it -- but that's not a tragedy, every industry is trying to expand into underserved markets and their products sometimes flop. Keep trying, pornographers: eventually you're going to hit on what those non-porn-watching women like. Unfortunately, it'll probably be Twilight.

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Men's Bodies: Gross!

The Guardian brings up an interesting point: when everyone freaked out over the nearly-nude half-thong, was it really about disgust over the naked male body? For as often as the 'nude male art model' trope has been used, where an attractive naked man is surrounded by a circle of leering women, is seen as a joke on the sexual proclivities of women, rather than the discomfort of seeing a man naked - I mean, would Magic Mike have seen any success if the male body was seen as shameful or to be avoided?

No, but not in the way the article is trying to make it a general issue. OK, those half-thongs are stupid and ugly, mostly because the asymmetry is offputting and regular thongs get similar jeers. The problem isn't male nudity: the problem is men and nudity.

I think the problem the Guardian writer - who is, incidentally, a woman - is noting is more an issue with male discomfort in seeing another man naked. Men feel a primordial threat in seeing a naked attractive man nearby; he's going to usurp your manly place in the order of things, or possibly use that manliness against you to assert dominance. Since there's a pecking order, you put down the other guy to assert your own dominance, you point out the unattractiveness, the ugliness, to bolster yourself. Men, particularly those trying to put on an extra-super-straight exterior, are uncomfortable with seeing a man naked because of the threat against his own sexual power. And that's stupid, really, porn is full of naked guys that embody the wishes of the watcher; the urge is to be the guy who's fucking women, not to be the guy standing on the side while the sexy, attractive naked guy does the fucking. Seeing the naked male form stirs worries of the latter, which is something guys need to get over, the pissing contest hasn't worked since caveman days.

But, on the other hand, just look at this guy:


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Lower Sperm Count!

MTV wants to warn...wait, MTV? Really? OK, well -- MTV wants to warn you that everything good in your life reduces your sperm count. Really, if I add up everything on the list that I do, I total a 214% reduction in sperm, which I suppose means I'm technically reducing the sperm count of every man within a 50-foot radius. But, I'm not trying to get anybody pregnant, so all the more TV and bacon for me!

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Dr. Kennedy Summers!

Kennedy Summers is just doing adult photos to pay her way to college...well, more than that: she's on her way to being a Doctor, and being Playmate of the Year 2014 might pay for a book or two. The link I put below is two non-porn-stars commenting on what they think about an adult model being a doctor and whether people will take her seriously. First: this isn't like becoming a Fox News commentator; becoming a doctor requires a fuckton of studying and passing tests, if she does the work and becomes a doctor, who cares what she did in college? It's not like being a talking head on TV, giving innane canned responses to dumb questions - that clearly takes no training at all.



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Teddy Love!

Teddy Love is more than just a teddy bear: with a ten-speed motor housed in its body, he's a love machine. His nose and tongue double as a vibrator, so when you need a little release, just shove the teddy's face between your legs and let the orgasms flow over you as you stare into his empty, black eyes. Sure, it sounds creepy (plus his outstretched tongue seems rather rude), but, hey, it's always good to have options. When you're done, he'll definitely still snuggle with you.

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2 Minutes Or Less!

Kinsey said 3/4 of men ejaculate within two minutes, but this guy says it's only about 45%, while most women need 5 - 7 minutes to really get going. While this doesn't necessarily mean that premature ejaculation is in play it still means that there's in incongruity between the two halves regarding how long sex should last.

As the article above said, going too long isn't that great, either: vaginas aren't designed for marathon pounding, so don't think that longer is better either.

So, the goal is that 5 to 7 minute range -- and it's about control, not 'on' or 'off'. Here's some things to try:

Kegels: Men have them too - and, like women, they have an important part in sex. It's easy, and you can make a game of it - simply flex your muscles down there while peeing to try and stop the stream. See how long you can do it (I mean, don't close it off then go back to work, that's crazy), but being able to manipulate your kegels can help slow things down.

Condoms: They reduce sensitivity a bit, and that bit may be enough to last long enough. Plus, it makes post-sex cleanup a lot easier. And don't buy the cheap ones at Walgreens; invest in some nice ones online.

Positions: Positions where your back muscles are holding you up can delay orgasm a bit; try standing, doggy, or on her side. Also, put her on top and in control; not thrusting may delay things as well.

More foreplay: If you simply can't get past two minutes, get her riled up first: mouth, tongue, and toys are all good ways to rev her engine before you take the plunge.

Orgasm denial: simply stop and take a break when the orgasm starts to rise. This may be a bit frustrating, especially for her since she's trying to come too, but make it part of the game and it might be more fun than you think.

Desensitizing creams: They even make condoms with this built-in, but I'd discourage these unless you've got no other option. You don't have control over how strong they are or how long they last, and if you get it inside her she might not appreciate the desensitization, so experiment with them first before making it part of the main course.

Of course, if you can only last seconds, talk to your doctor, there may be more of an issue than a lack of simultaneous orgasms. Plus, talk to your partner, and make this a cooperative event - like sex is supposed to be.


Taste the Rainbow -- OH YEAH TASTE IT



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Car Exhaust Speakers!

Looking like a statue of a running octopus, iXoost is a speaker made from a racecard exhaust header. Why? Because fuck you, that's why. Not only that, it's an iPod dock, because if there's one thing you want to do with thousands of dollars of speakers is make it primarily compatible with a meh-level audio source. But, when the objective is to look good, I guess this is a step up from Bose, so I'm sure there's an audience for these out there.

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Quality Vinyl!

Vinyl is still making an amazing comeback, but if you've got the time here's an excellent read on how there's more to a quality vinyl album than the medium. It's mostly for musicians wanting to release on vinyl, but I still found it interesting, if only to remind me that the audio that gets cut into the vinyl is ultimately the most important part of the record.

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Girth Does It!

When it comes to one-night stands, girth is what does it for the ladies. They tested this by showing women a variety of dildos that "...ranged in size from 4 inches long and 2.5 inches in circumference to 8.5 inches long and 7 inches in circumference." Just for reference, that's 1/4" of an inch thick to 2-1/4" thick -- for comparison, a Coke can is about 2-1/2" diameter and 5" tall, so the "big" end of the scale is about the equivalent of two beercans stacked on top of each other. Eh, maybe they couldn't find the model of my penis and that's the next biggest dildo they could find.

Anyhow, the study found that, while women would prefer the Coke-can diameter, just one is plenty, thankuvrymuch: they'd rather be stretched, putting pressure on the clitoris and g-spot, than have their cervix pummeled by someone too long. The study also found that women overestimated the size of penises they'd seen, so stop worrying about size, guys; she's adding inches completely in her head.


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Wanking A Roomful!

I haven't seen Mike Judge's show, Silicon Valley, but apparently there was a joke about jacking off an entire room of people in it. In line with the geeky context of the show, Judge had really-real scientists, who apparently need more work if they found time for this, to optimize the mathematical prospect of undertaking such a goal.

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Haptic Boob-Touching!

Scientists have developed a method for synthetic touching, and the example they use is so that people can touch breasts at a distance. For remote detection of breast lumps, of course! What other reason could people have to create a way for people to imagine they're touching real boobs over the internet? Now all they need to do is make a machine that lets a real breast feel like it's being touched. It's always nice when real science overlaps with sex toys; everyone wins.

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Hungry = Sexy!

A new study has discovered that the hungrier a guy is, the more attracted he is to a larger woman. I'm sure there's an empirical method for determining this, and I'm hoping they have figured out a logarithmic scale, a bell curve of sorts, so if I'm feeling like "well, I had a late lunch, but I'm craving sweets now" will somehow translate to the weight of the woman I'm attracted to right at that moment.

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Erotic Pocketwatch!

When you're spending all your days looking through a magnifying glass at tiny gears and springs, your mind must wander. Fine watchmakers can create fancy artistic movements, but really creative watchmakers hide erotic automatons inside. It's pretty run-of-the-mill, just a guy boning a woman, but I have a device in my pocket that tells time and lets me watch guys fuck women, I call mine an Android phone, but mine won't work if I can't get signal.



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Religious Cheaters!

First of all, ignore the incorrect, salacious headline -- they'd have you believe Evangelical Christians cheat more than anyone else, but they messed up their math. What the actual study shows is that there are more Evangelicals in America, and a correspondingly larger portion of Evangelicals using AshleyMadison to cheat.

This is far less about religious hypocrisy, and more about the lack of hypocrisy in being a human. The fact that religion doesn't have a large mathematically-proven influence in who is interested in cheating on their spouse is proof that sex isn't about sin and salvation: sexual behavior is innate, and simply part of being human.

Now, I'm not advocating cheating - only assholes would cheat on someone they love, and conversely only assholes stick with someone they don't love in order to get sex on the side - but everyone's known someone who cheated. It's pretty clear that the sex drive knows no logic nor fairness, and neither religion nor morals can change that. Learn how not to be an ass when it comes to sex, but get it out of your head that your religion has anything to do with it.


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(Note: Evangelicals do lose their virginity earlier according to this study)



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Maroon Panties In The Bath!

With those huge breasts blocking the view, I can totally understand why this young lady can't see she's still wearing her panties.

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How To Eat Pussy!

Hey, inexperienced dudes (and women of such persuasion) - here's how to go down on your female lover. You mean it's not just "poke everything with your tongue"? No wonder I get pushed away so often. Anyhow, you're welcome.

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i-Kandi Help Wanted!

The Irish swinger's club I-Kandi put an ad in the 'help wanted' section, hoping to bring on one part-timer. A hundred applications later, they're overwhelmed with who to hire. Either Limerick is just the hub for the sex-club industry, like putting a 'web developer' ad up in Silicon Valley, or it just sounds like the best job since the 'jizz mopper' position opened up at the nudie movie theater." Yes, 'cleaning' is one of the duties, but the rest sound very managerial in nature, so opposed to flipping burgers it's probably a step up for Limerickians.

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Soldiers Beware!

Horny soldiers catching diseases from prostitutes was such a big deal that they had to make posters about it. You'd think that the lady lounging around with the words "VENEREAL DISEASE" on her lapel would be enough of a clue, but when you're talking about young hayseeds from the country, they're not quite that quick. She even looks so casual about it: "man, I'm bored. If only there was some guy I could infect, then I could kill some time until dinner. I wonder what G.I. Joe is doing right now..."

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