Posts Tagged 'Condoms'

Condom Tips!

Condoms are a must, unless you've been with your partner long enough to be comfortable swapping bodily fluids. I know, the guy's prerogative is to get his sexual fluids all over the place, but that's not OK most of the time. You need to keep that shit contained.

Note I didn't say anything about 'contraception'; don't get it in your head that since she's on the pill or has an IUD, or you've had a vasectomy, that condomless sex is fine by default. It's not even just a 'disease' thing, either. Swapping sex fluids is a special thing, and unless she's told you that you're that special, wrap it up, boys. Sex has levels, and condom sex is perfectly fine.

There's not just four bases, sex is less like baseball, more like a marathon; getting to have sex is the 13.1 marker, and if you get that far, there's still a lot of ground to cover until you reach that holy grail of perfect, mutual sexual satisfaction. Cover that ground gracefully and with the courtesy and safety of using a condom all the time.

The most common tip bandied about is to put a dollop of water-based lube in the tip, and from experience this does work; it's not a huge difference in feel, but as you have sex, the condom does slide around a little bit and the tension pulling on the sensitive skin of the tip isn't as pleasing as letting the rubber slip around a bit on the head.

Don't overdo it though - if you put too much lube on, it'll seep up your shaft and lubricate the whole condom, potentially causing it to fall off during vigorous sex. Accidental condom loss is a bad thing, make sure it doesn't happen.

Although condoms come in lubricated form, there's no reason not to add some water-based lube to the mix; the condoms don't come with a whole lot of lube on them, enough to do the job for some unexpected sexy time, but if you've got lube don't be afraid to use it. Note that water-based lube is critical: the silicone based lubes can damage the condom, causing them to break during sex.

Guys, it's also important for you to know what condoms work best for you. Go ahead and try some out, until you find the ones you like the best. If your previous experience is that condoms make sex worse, it may be that you're picking shitty condoms. For the most part, a generic condom will fit pretty much any penis and do the bare minimum, but there's plenty of condom shapes, sizes, and materials to see what works best for you.

Speaking of materials: stick with the tried-and-true latex condoms. They're the strongest and best tested condom material. There are a variety of non-latex condoms, which have improved in recent years; in my experience they're a little less stretchy than latex condoms, so make that part of your testing, to make sure they fit. Lambskin condoms are frequently recommended for the best feel, but don't use them with a casual partner: they aren't 100% effective against STDs, so why risk it when the synthetic condoms are getting so good. Don't skimp on price for condoms; if you're getting to have carefree sex with someone, why worry about a dollar difference in price? Invest in your pleasure and your health and it'll be a better experience overall.

Well, you're wondering: how do you test condoms? Buy some, and use them to masturbate. You've probably never thought about jacking off with a condom on, or thought it seemed futile, but how else are you going to find one that works?

A positive side-effect of using a condom while masturbating is you'll acclimate yourself to the feeling of condom sex. If the only time you have a condom on is when you're in the middle of intimate relations, of course it's going to feel foreign or unusual. Also, you'll save on your sock laundry because masturbating with a condom on means quicker cleanup, nothing spraying all over the place when you finish.

Some other quick tips that might seem obvious to some, but not everybody's a smart as you:

  • Don't use more than one condom at a time
  • Look at the thing before you put it on, so you have it the right direction and it's not damaged
  • Condoms are single use, don't reuse
  • Spermicides don't actually help much and can irritate sensitive skin, so don't worry about having it
So, there you go: ultimately, the key to condom success is to be aware of how condom sex works, and practice makes perfect. Nothing says "experienced lover" like a guy who doesn't bat an eye on condom use, and you don't want to look like a beginner, so get some condoms and figure it out.

Sports Condoms!

"Yeah, I'll have a couple Dempseys and one of those Ted Williams' ones...for a friend". These sports-branded condoms are up for auction, but it's unlikely they're authorized by the sports legends they're intended to represent. I suppose it's more for plausible deniability -- "no, I bought them for the sports hero on the box, I didn't look at what's inside!" -- than it is to attract buyers, because I think anyone shopping for condoms already has incentive to buy them, regardless of who's on the front.


Condom Slingshot!

I don't know what the #100Ways tag is for, because I'm tweety-illiterate, but whatever it is, this guy is the best at it. Joerg Sprave is a bad Scrabble hand, but a good slingshot maker, and he's taken a whole boxfull of condoms and turned them into weapons of destruction. Best line, said in a deep former Soviet bloc accent: "The winner: the condoms!"

Condom Cookbook!

Oh, Japan, you're so creative. As a way of drawing attention to poor condom usage in Japan, a manga author has put together a book on using condoms. No, not on penises: to quote Twilight Zone - IT'S A COOKBOOK. You might think this is weird, but given some thought, cooking with condoms is just like sex with condoms: put tasty-juicy meat in the condom, don't EAT the condom - throw it away when done, and, um, well, it's about that simple.


Fire And Ice Condoms Bad!

PSA time: the Fire and Ice Trojan Condoms have chemicals on them that'll take off your nail polish. And that's only the half of it: you should probably think twice about letting one of these touch any of your mucous membranes (or the mucous membranes of the people you care about), because the stuff that's supposed to feel all firey and icey are actually pretty harsh and might not be as much fun as you think. The more you know!

Space Condom!

There's a new condom on the street: it's called the Origami condom, and that's not because of any penis-folding. It's a silicone condom, lubricated on the inside for sensation, and it has a big-ol flange on the bottom so to keep your big cock from pushing the whole thing inside her ladyparts. When it's on, it doesn't look too different than a normal condom, but all the promotional photos make it look like a spacedicks thing. The Origami isn't for sale yet -- but it should be in the next year.


Condom Sex: Just as Good!

I've been saying it for years, and now there's a study proving it: sex with a condom is just as satisfying. I've known this for years, because of this logical process: the options generally are "have sex with a condom" or "don't have sex at all". Which one sounds more satisfying, men? The reason that this is a debate is that men and women have included a secondary option, "just have sex anyways without a condom", which does nobody any good, especially people who really should be using condoms anyway. I've had more than one woman who I dated when I was younger who seemed embarrassed and/or ready for an argument when the subject of a condom came up. They were quite relieved that I had no complaint, but I got to fuck, she got to fuck, and everyone was happy. What kind of asshole starts an argument with a women who wants him to stick his dick in her? An asshole, that's who. So, take the article to heart, people: condoms are awesome, because they let you fuck, and stop acting like going bareback is an option in the kind of situation where either person thinks a condom sounds like a good idea. Just wrap it and get on with the fucking, it's all good.

Nitroglycerine Condom!

Here you go, limpy: a condom with an erection-sustaining paste, so that while the condom may reduce a little sensitivity, your cock is gonna stay nice and hard. The active ingredient is trademarked Zanifil, but theactive ingredient is glyceryl trinitrate. Yes, it's motherfucking nitroglycerine. If Mr. Nobel knew that his favorite explosive would be giving women orgasms left and right, the past recipients of the Nobel Prize would be far boobier than they actually have been. Thanks, modern prophylactic science, for making my penis' nickname, "Boom Goes The Dynamite", a little more true with every passing day.

Condom Disgust!

Jesus christ, lady, it's not that bad, is it? There comes a time in everybody's life to learn how to put on a condom, and just because you're a 2nd year college student doesn't make it too late. Just don't make that face when putting a rubber on a real human dick: he can see you. Oh, and pinching a hole in the tip with your fingernails will just get you pregnant, ahmjustsayin'.

Hooker Condom Use Up!

Good news for proponents of safe sex: condom use with prostitutes is at an all-time high. In motherfucking Bangkok, that is. In a town with a reputation for anything-goes sex, 95% of respondents used condoms with prostitutes, 65% with non-hooker strangers, and a third with their regular partners. Worldwide, the average is under 80% - which also mentions Thailand's 100% condom use goal. It's kinda nice when a government steps up to protect it's hardworking citizens from hazards of their jobs.

Movies Need Condoms!

Crushable asks: why doesn't anybody use condoms in movies? The answer is simple: in the movies, somebody can get hit with a frying pan until unconscious and then wake up later; they can fall from great heights without shattering bones; they can jump from moving vehicles without becoming hamburger - so why is it hard to believe they can fuck without consequence? It won't be a big thing to get changed, though: in movies, when somebody gets shot, they immediately fall down dead within a fraction of a second even though there's no blood to be seen. Movie sex should fall into that category: fuck without a condom, you're hit by a bus. While fucking. Immediate consequence, and then death. That'll teach those 16-23 males for whom movies are made something about sex.

Why No Condom?

The National Institutes of Health is working on a new research project to determine the reasons for the failure to use condoms properly. As far as a nation's health goes, this is akin to research on why children don't get immunized - for all the fear and crap over STDs and unwanted pregancies, and considering the condom "failure rate" quoted by anti-sex rhetoric of 15% failure includes incorrect or inconsistent use, I'd say this is a good reason to be spending health-related money. ABC News, however, couldn't find anybody in the health industry to ask about it (other than quote from the NIH's press release), so they questions not one, but two people from politically-motivated watchdog groups. Thanks for the excellent journalism, Walt Disney!

Nonoxynol-9: Bad?

Here's something I did not know: Spermicide and germicide Nonoxynol-9 has the risk of making AIDS worse, because it's not hard-proven to kill the virus, and it's a harsh chemical that may make it easier to infect a woman with AIDS by irritating her nether-bits. Which, strangely, gives a little more credence to the Pope's argument, but not his solution. Now you know - and knowing is half the battle. Usual caveats: condoms and spermicide are better than nothing, so don't be an ass and tell the woman you should go bareback because condoms kill people, because it shows just what stupid fuck you are. Don't do what the Pope wants you do to - that's crazy-talk!

Condoms: Fuck In The Sun!

Hansaplast is trying to get across that their condoms make sex longer, but apparently it doesn't improve your technique; fucking a bikini gal from behind long enough for her to tan around you is probably a sign you need to change up your game; rotate your bikini girl while fucking, and you'll get a more even tan.

Pope: Condoms = AIDS Worse!

The Pope, expert on all things related to sexuality and unbiased science, has declared that condoms don't make AIDS better - it actually makes things worse. Now, actual doctors and scientists have been saying for years that, if you're going to have sex,a condom will always be better than nothing. What Pappy doesn't realize is that people are going to have sex; they don't have Papal resolve when it comes to those urges. Nobody cares that some old guy says God wants them to be abstinent and chaste.

Green Condoms!

Want a green condom? Not those glow-in-the-dark ones your creepy uncle gave you for your 20th birthday: actual ecologically-sound condoms. A British condom manufac turer has looked at the sustainability of production, waste creation, and general environmental impact of condoms, and found that all that fucking you do is hurting the environment (not that the pill is any better) So, next time you wrap your dick for some fun, stop and think a little bit: is that condom really going to make the world a better place?

Big Condom Thief!

You know, those safe-sex organizations give away condoms for free: you don't have to use heavy equipment to break in to their offices to steal them. I suppose, the thief was trying to avoid the embarassment, but the condoms stolen were extra large condoms - a guy like that should walk around wearing a light-up T-Shirt identifying his size-requirements for choosing condoms, and possibly have a choir of angels announce his entrances. The only embarassment this guy probably experienced was discovering just how small he really was when he tried them on. It was probably like slipping a croissant in a bag designed for french bread. (another Fark via)

Bits 'n' Pieces!

Viagra has practical uses, you know -- when prescribed to children with breathing problems, it's ability to dilate blood vessels helps flow through the lungs. Two problems: Viagra has it's blindness-causing risks (when compared to not breathing is worth the risk), and I'd be concerned about embarrassing "tent pitching". Again, compared to 'not breathing'...

Owen Wilson, attending the XXX: 30 Porn-Star Portraits exhibit, met porn star Sean Michaels. Polite small-talk was made, and Owen excused himself. Now, Mr. Michaels has turned to the media to get in touch with Owen, offering a set of "Ass Lickers" DVDs as a sign of friendship. Creepy, no? Sure, it's probably a publicity stunt, but the stalkerish overtones are a bit spooky.

Podcasts are the new venue for erotic stories, sex ed, and pornography -- according to the Wall Street Journal, and when something's big enough to catch their attention, it's worth keeping an eye on.

Male bisexuality is a myth -- so if you've been using it as an excuse to cover up your gayness, well, your cover is blown now, so just give in, buy a rainbow bumper sticker for your Honda, put on a pair of daisy-duke shorts, and blow-comb your hair. You've been wanting to all these years, you know.

AXE body spray has gained fame with a very likely, but unforseen, audience: early-teens. Now, this is wrong on so many levels: first, that the youths believe the TV commercials that say Axe will get them laid in a store changing room. Next, that sex-ed is so taboo that it's not available to young teens who'd be willing have sex with any woman that'll let them. Finally, that they somehow believe that spraying MORE of the stinky crap will make them even more irresistable than the commercials lead them to believe. I suppose, if anything, this will preclude sex ed: no girl would get close enough to an AXE-bathed lad to even approximate sex. (I, for one, believe women stroke their asses with frying pans made from my used bodyspray cans. It's gotta be true - I saw it on TV!)

Jet Set Lara is yet another courtesan with a blog...but, due to the manufactured fiction of others of this genre, there's a bit of disbelief in her writing. She claims 10,000-pounds for a minimum booking ($20,000 for two days?), and an Ivy-league chemical engineering background. Who can pass up a story of a sexy ladygeek getting paid more for two days than a month of full-time at mimimum wage? Her blog is found at

Japan tries to make condoms fun -- you know, because the acts that require use of a condom are unpleasant enough, why should condom wearing be as bad? Oh, I know, they're not as much fun as going without, but with HIV and pregnancy on the rise, Japan is worried. They, of course, blame the lack of condom use in pornography -- when porn stars go without, why should regular joes use 'em? They go on to say that the condom-eschewing masses believe pornography shows the correct way to have sex, because "...Japan does not have full and proper sex education for students." Hmmm....this sounds familiar...wait, what did the US do when HIV and teen pregnancy started to run wild and condom use was deemed "uncool?" Oh, yeah -- develop "abstinence only" sex ed which gives little info about sex and says condoms are useless. When the Obvious is looking the US and Japan in the face, both countries are lucky to have a prudish government that can see past the obvious.

It's almost mesmerizing: a limp female corpse plummets, bouncing off bubbles as she falls. Well, I don't know about the corpse thing, but she doesn't seem to feel much pain. Click on her with your mouse, and you can control her travel; I found flinging her off the right or left edge of the screen was very satisfying.

What's a business to do, when the obvious domain name for their business is already owned by pornographers? Buy it, of course! Sticky Fingers, a barbecue rib chain of restaurants, opted to pay $6,000 for, rather than change the name of their business, or expecting customers to use some sense and not assume that the obvious domain name will always get you what you're looking for. Did the whole "" debacle teach us nothing?

An uninvitied mom found 70 books in the school library that she considers objectional. Judy Blume's Forever is one, as well as books on homosexuality. She has "something against this explicit stuff being pandered to our children"....if, by pandering, means that the books are available to children who seek it out on their own accord and require a book to have explicit, dangerous, ininformed, and reckless sexual fantasies and activities. I'd wager, if these are books the library took even the slightest care in purchasing, that it's better children read these than getting their sex ed from their friends or cable TV.

When the school district, one with the highest teen pregnancy rate in the state, holds a meeting to get community input on sex ed materials, who shows up? No parents, that's for sure. Of course, this will be selectively forgotten when some parent decides to blame sex ed for teaching their kids how to get pregnant. One former student did attend and viewed the prospective curriculum: "I learned all types of birth control," she said. "I'm not ready to have no kids."