Sex always drives the leading edge of technology, so it should be no surprise that one of the cutting-edge videogames was Softporn, a text-adventure for your penis. It was designed by a computer programmer, but bought and distributed by one of the biggest adventure-style game developers at the time. That sexy, topless woman on the right? One of the greatest minds in puzzle-adventure games. Later, Sierra used more advanced computer technology, added graphics and animation, and rebranded Softporn as Leisure Suit Larry.

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When you're spending all your days looking through a magnifying glass at tiny gears and springs, your mind must wander. Fine watchmakers can create fancy artistic movements, but really creative watchmakers hide erotic automatons inside. It's pretty run-of-the-mill, just a guy boning a woman, but I have a device in my pocket that tells time and lets me watch guys fuck women, I call mine an Android phone, but mine won't work if I can't get signal.

It's that time of year, people: pay your taxes, lest you end up like erotica writer Zane, who is short over a third of a million dollars on her taxes at the moment. Damn, if I sold that much erotica that I'd owe that much in state taxes, pat me on the back, because that means I made it. Who knows if that tax due is 100% accurate, though, who knows where the state got their data, but even at half that just goes to show how much money there is in erotca today.

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You know this is B.C., because this art is positively sinful. Tablets depicting Mesopotamian doggystyle have been discovered, and "there's a scholarly debate over what purpose the erotic art served." No, fuckers, there's not much to debate about this. The purpose for these, despite any thin veil of religious or artistic respectability, is that people like looking at depictions of sexual acts.

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Aside from the crushing financial collapse there, not being able to speak the language, and a lack of a passport, it seems that Eastern Europe is the place I'm supposed to be. A theatre in Poland is promoting an erotic film festival, and they've designed cheeky posters to promote it. Now you know why Tarzan screamed every time he swung through the jungle.

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William Nicholson, one of the contenders for the worst sex-writer in the world, laments that if there's a "Bad Sex Award", why not also offer a "Good Sex Award"? I'm all for that, although the Bad Sex contenders are more fun to read in mixed company. The Good Sex Award would definitely open up the erotica world to everyone, and it's highly unlikely Cosmo would ever win it, so it's got that going for it.

Another "new" book of erotica from your's-truly. It's actually three previously-published stories that I had put up at EroticStories.com a decade ago (fuck, I'm getting old), and I've edited them and polished them into something worth publishing. In one story, a single mom hooks up with a teacher; in the next, two single parents find love; and in the last, a single dad connects with his babysitter. Each is a quick, short naughty read: you can buy/download Parental Relations from Amazon and Smashwords, along with many, many other ebook websites.

The Frisky asks: what piece of literature made you want to masturbate to fruition? For me, it was the Joy of Sex, which came out while I was a fresh-faced 13-year-old who found this odd encyclopedia of sex terms, an Urban Dictionary for the seventies so to speak, completely arousing, even though the hairy guy in the pictures was a bit offputting. How'd I get my hands on it? Babysitting periodically for a single-mother who worked at the hospital with my mom; it wasn't really all that hidden, and I was a snooper. Yeah, it's hardly literature in the context The Frisky was looking for, but everything else I read was comic books or pulpy scifi, and all lacked much more than the barest hint of sexual expression.

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Next in my series of 10,000-word erotica e-book novellas comes Heidi Goes To School, a taste of youthful exuberance. Heidi grew up in a very liberal household...in the middle of the Montana wilderness. She could drink, smoke, swear, and otherwise do all the things most kids did to rebel. The only thing missing was the opposite sex, so once she hit the road, on her way to school, there were a few things she wanted to cross off her list. As with the others (1, 2), Heidi Goes To School is available on Amazon and Smashwords, and other fine ebooksellers everywhere.

After 21 years of successful writing, Jessica Blair has retired - because somebody discovered she's actually an octegenerian World War II vet from England. Bill Spence didn't only publish as Jessica, but it might be more surprising that the guy from Great Britain also wrote Westerns; I'd bet he's more familiar with romance than the Wild West, so the pen name doesn't mean much. If he can pretend he knows about cattle drives and sixguns, I think he's more than qualified to write about sexytime and put a lady's name on it. That's how fiction works, doesn't it?

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Here's another for you: in my attempt to get back into erotica writing, here's another novella for you. Greg surprised his family by bringing his ex-girlfriend home for Christmas -- with a wedding ring on her finger. Greg's got a chip on his shoulder, though: Mike was a football star, made a million as an internet entrepeneur, and now is a VP with a Porche. If Greg wasn't such a dick, Katie might stick with him...but when she met Mike, all bets were off. Christmas With Katie is available on Amazon and Smashwords, for your fine reading pleasure.