I know Casual Fridays are getting out of hand, but when we say 'casual dress' I think you should actually be dressed to count. Unfortunately, this has gone on for forty-five weeks straight with no complaints, so consider this an undocumented, nonactionable verbal warning, Miss Littleboobs.

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Christians want you to know that porn addiction is like being a wounded soldier...self-love is a sign of a wounded soul, which is at least as bad as having your arm ripped off in an instant by an IED, leaving you bleeding in the street as bullets from guerilla AK47s wiz by, preventing help from getting any closer to you as the blood pools around your head. Totally the same thing. Note that one of the biggest issues they say at the beginning is that when Billy got addicted to porn, he stopped going to church. If this is your church's attitude towards soldiers, that the risks they put themselves through is comparable to wanking off with your laptop is in bed, I can see why Billy stopped going to your ignorant church.

Via.

All-natural and green products of the Body Shop are surprisingly devoid of sexual-wellbeing products. The Vermont Pleasures is out to change that! Artisinal lube, a Sherpa dildo, shaft cozies, everything for the modern-day hippie!

Via. See also Birds with Human Penises *

Only a few days left before Christmas - you better have your pornstar decorated by now! Just make sure to water her and watch for dry needles; you want her to make it all the way to Christmas looking as gorgeous as possible.

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What seems to start out as a regular camgirl session reveals a significant gnome infestation. She should really talk to her landlord about it -- if she survived. Everyone knows gnomes are attracted by Hitachi Magic Wands, she should have known better.

Via.

Be glad you didn't eat Thanksgiving dinner at Sheila's house. Sure, it looks like she was having fun, but once you're done with all the buttery sex on the butcherblock, you've got a thawed turkey going bad and no cranberry sauce to speak of. Overall, it'll still be a disappointment.

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And this is why Jayde got kicked out of her "first drum session free" coupon. I think she was trying to get the rest of her drum lessons free, too, but she didn't realize how expensive those drumsticks are, and now she ruined them. Bad move, Jayde.

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DeviantArt's Latex Kittie is an expert in latex bodysuit designs, and below you can see her attempt at an Alien from Alien. Success? I'm not so sure; it looks far less like Gieger, and more like, well, boobs and balloons. Not that there's anything wrong with that; I'm sure the customer interested in this costume isn't the kind that fumes over mixing up Han's blaster from New Hope with the one in Empire Strikes Back. One you commit to being a latex dominatrix xenomorph, your goals are not cinematically driven.

Via.

I almost put this under "fashion", but there's nothing fashionable about pantyhose with a penis reservoir. Really? Like, thousands of other styles of men's undergarments that don't have a penis-pocket, but THESE, yes, here's where we realize it's needed. My guess is this is some 4chan/b3ta prank that got released to the wild; I can't imagine this being comfortable or pleasurable, unless you're a crossdresser who just needs his penis 'out there'. Otherwise, when else do you want to look like a woman with an uncircumcised penis from the waist down? I mean, that only crosses my mind every couple months, not often enough to warrant buying special clothing for it.

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It has been a while, so I thought maybe the fad had passed: no, flowers stuck in women's asses still seems to be a thing. That unconscious desire for men to believe women's asses are akin to a flower is alive and well in the porn world.

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We've seen this before, and I'm surprised OSHA hasn't released a nationwide bulletin about proper care for hammers. That poor young lady in the last set lost both legs due to improper hammer use; I can only imagine what horror will befall this young lady for not reading the instructions first.

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It's no secret that female armor in videogames is obscenely scanty, considering the amount of damage the protagonist usually takes during battle. Below shows just how far this has gone. Modern technology has made rendering characters nearly lifelike -- but just look at the armor this hack-and-slash character was given. I'm not even sure that sword will be of much use, either. Video games are getting too extreme these days.

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"Hey. Hey, Janice? Can I ask you a quick question? It doesn't matter what you answer, I just want to know. Are we regular lesbians, or citrus lesbians? Because I'm not sure what to put in my Facebook profile. I mean, citrus is one thing..."

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Seriously, I spent all that time redoing the basement, building a cool bar from old barn wood, I bought that beer sign online for way more than I should have spent, and finally when I invite friends over the first thing they do is lose the cueball from my new pooltable. Seriously, everyone stop doing what you're doing and help find it. That cueball has to be around here somewhere.

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Every so often, you need to clean out between the cushions of your couch. Just look at how much change I found, along with some naked chick that never went home. It's a treasure trove!

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Like Wednesday, I really gotta stop blogging while hungry. It's not like I'm that picky: I'll eat a penis cake that looks like a penis. I know it's Betty Crocker and not a real penis. It's no big deal to me. But, when I take my penis cake to eat in the park, people get bitchy when you whip it out. This lady has figured out how to eat a penis cake without the police being called, and for that she's a hero.

If my OSHA guy were to stop by this worksite, the shit would hit the fan. The saying goes, "the right tool for the right job", and that hammer is not the kind of tool for wood construction. It's for metalworking, and sticking it up your hoohah is not obeying general safety procedures. That handle is going to get all slippery, and then an accident is going to happen, and somebody's going to get a hammer in the face when that vagina-moistened cross-peen flies out of an unsuspecting HVAC worker's hands. She should have kept on just sticking a banana in there. Oh, yes, there's a banana.

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"OH! Hello, Mr. Thompson...I didn't know you'd be home so early! Dinner will still be another...uhn...half hour or so, because - ahhh - I'm not quite...mmmmm... done dicing the carrots.

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Imagine that interview process. "Yo, dude, you like having sex? Wanna have sex all afternoon? How'd you like to fuck in a huge, loud machine while we take pictures of your insides while you're fucking?"

Who am I kidding, I'd sign up for that in a heartbeat.

Via.

Most guys have tried masturbating with things that aren't really intended to be used as a masturbatory aid, and most of the time it's ill-advised and not all that great. What happens when a bunch of these inventive whackoffs get together online and try and reach a consensus for makeshift masturbators? A combination of hilarity and uncomfortable emergency room visits in the future. Lasagna? Never thought of that one, but then again I don't fuck food.