Posts Tagged 'Wtf'

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When it's winter here in North America, it's summer in Denmark, so you know what that means? naked women fishing! They call it fiskepige, which means fish girl, which means girl is "pige" in denmarkian, and that's something you don't call American ladies. Just more examples of why Denmark is the opposite of America, and why we call it the 'land down under'. Anyhow, I do not recommend any woman go fishing while naked, fish fins are very pointy and will cause unpleasant soft tissue damage. Keep fish away from genitals at all costs.

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For Your Health!

When I was a kid, National Lampoon was awesome because it was full of naked boobs but nobody thought of it as porn. In France, apparently every magazine is awesome like that. Below is a fake ad from the French magazine Hara Kiri showing proper use of potatoes for female hygine. Mmmmm, potatoes.


Making Breakfast!

"Oh, good morning my lover. I bet you wonder why I am holding a power drill. You, unfortunately, interrupted my preparations for...for....breakfast. Yes, I was preparing breakfast. This would be a meal for you to consume in bed. Do you not believe me? WHY DO YOU NOT BELIEVE ME?!?!???"

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Panda Gangbang!

You know, sometimes you fuck a panda, and sometimes a panda fucks you. It's the way of the world. Two pandas, well, to each his own, I guess, I'm not into that. What brings a woman to entertain a gangbang of a half-dozen pandas, well, the best you can do is watch it, over and over again, until you figure it out.

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Nun Nipples!

Seriously, if they'd design the habits to not open in that boob-friendly way, this wouldn't be such a problem. The original is by Dutch artist Rene Eijsink and is on display in Berlin, at least according to the YouTube video in the link. 'Dutch artist in Berlin' is probably all the explanation you need for why the nun's boobs are tied together by a chain crucifix, and I suppose you're just lucky that the artist didn't get any more 'creative'.

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Glitter Farter!

In going through Christmas-themed galleries, I discovered the strangeness you see below. It seems that Christmas isn't immune from the flower-farter syndrome, but adapted for the season. Anna, below, has begun farting glitter from her clitter due to her excitement that Santa's on his way. Merry Chrismas everyone!

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Erector Set Bra!

That bra gets my Erector Set going, if you know what I mean. And, no, that's not just something a wierd photograhper decided to include: if you look closely at the photo, taken from the fashion magazine Schon!, that they actually credit a fashion designer source. Secondly, she doesn't have anything requiring any support anyways, let alone anything that needs galvanized pipe strap to hold it up.

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Too Much Sausage!

Hey, lady, while you're trying to eat two sausages at once, your hams fell out of your coat. And I think your problem is that you're using the wrong utensil altogether. I know you're drunk as a skunk, but treat those sausages with decency, why don't you?


Vampire Myths!

TresSugar wants you to take a quiz that asks, "Vampire Myths: Real or Fake?. Answer: fake, because vampires aren't fucking real. Just because Montague Summers put out a book full of greek and latin quotations about vampires doesn't mean there's any scholarly truth to the stories. Scared heathens made up the stories based on whatever they were thinking at the time. Maybe somebody DID put an apple in the vampire's mouth to kill them - oral traditions are notoriously difficult to archive, so what you get are the rare stories that made it into bound matter or as a meme or methodology for a greater, broader form of storytelling. That's right, I got all literary on your ass, TresSugar. You deserve it, for making a 6-question test take 13 clicks.

Yeti Cocksucker!

I'm sure there's times that people have been out skiing, on a nice sunny spring morning, the snow is fresh and the hills are nicely groomed, and you're feeling alright, and then this yeti shows up. And you're like, 'hey, Yeti, it's a nice day, isn't it?" and the yeti is all "SUCK MY COCK GOD DAMN IT", and since it's such a nice day you decide, hey, I'll suck that Yeti's cock. Makes you wish you were a yeti sometimes, doesn't it.

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Nightmare Masturbator!

Rounding out the concept of nightmare masturbators (previously), here's one right out of a Lovecraftian hell-hole. This repulsive, anomalous, blubbery, numbing globe...this webbed, wan rheum...this four-way masturbator looks like a shoggoth appendage, full of teeth everywhich way you'd hope to stick your dick into it. Even though it is clearly teethless, I'd fear for the total annihilation of any sanity that I hope to retain after depositing my seed into such an unimaginable, polypous ichor. It's not just a three-way pussy; unholy scientific experimentation has developed this into an object with pussies from various ages, simultaneously existing as maiden, mother and crone. The asshole stays the same throughout life, apparently, or else we'd have a Lovecraftian thing with not only three pussies, but three anuses as well. I'm beginning to lose touch with reality just imagining such a zymotic blasphemy of a gelatinous vulva. Found at Sex-Kitten, of course.

PS: I'm not smart enough to do the Lovecraft shit on my own - I got it from here.

Iron Man!

Ah, to be Iron Man: flying around the world, beating up terrorists, making millions off your military contracts, and hanging out with porn stars. It's good to be a superhero!

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Froot Loops!

OK, whoever blew his load on Sadie's back should check his glucose levels; his sugars are so high he came froot loops.

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Tit Cookie Service!

"Excuse me, sir, if you're done I can take your plate...and may I direct my attention to our dessert tits for examples of our fine baked goods, if you wish to order dessert."

"No, I'm good, thanks."

Then I notice the "Get a free dessert if I don't offer you the tit cookies" pin on her smock. Free boobie cookies, yeah, but I've seen better boob-served cookies at other restaurants. These fads take off and then everybody's serving shit on tits in diners and McDonalds and whatnot.

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Life Insurance Titties!

See, Europe, this is why you're so awesome. Over here in the United States, we have small talking geckos, the ever-so-sexy Progressive Flo, and, er, the ever-so-sexy Allstate Mayhem. You, now, you take your stuffy monolithic insurance companies like Allianz, and then you paint their logo all over some naked women. This is why your society is so much more advanced than the Americas. Titties can sell anything, including insurance. When I'm hearing the pitch for stop-loss hospital coverage for my self-insured small business, I totally want to be looking at fine Euro boobs while it happens.


Big Russian Hat!

The hat says, "We have ways of making you talk, tovarish - Pavel, get the battery cables!" but the tits say, "the Cold War is over, tovarish, let's get warm." I grew up in a time of Russian fear, but I can't help but want to hold her close; if the USSR had figured this out decades ago, they would have had a powerful weapon of mass distraction -- U.S. snipers would be too busy whacking off to see all those bright red hats against the white snow.

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Playing Cowboys and Indians!

Yes, the Indian and the Cowboy below are gonna do all the nasty, nasty things you're expecting, which isn't my problem. As somebody who grew up on or near an indian reservation, I've been raised that both of these stereotypes have racist undertones that make me queasy. The "indian" however, is so fucking cute that I'll only cry a little while masturbating to their dirty, dirty lesbian sex.

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Bunga-Bunga Party!

I don't really understand what one is, but all evidence points to it being the most awesome thing in the universe. Bunga Bunga parties, are, apparently, orgies of such a decadent scale that they make Caligula looks like a Betty Boop cartoon. According to numerous sources on the internet, Italian leader Silvio Berlusconi "learned" them from Muammar Qaddafi, as though orgies were something that didn't come naturally to world leaders. Slate, the fucking wet blanket, say bunga bunga is anal rape, but who needs to listen to those fuckers? The fact that a lothario like Berlusconi likes it, and it likely involved a bunch of naked women, means I can't imagine any reason to turn down a round of bunga-bunga if the opportunity arises.

Previous Owner Liked Black Cock!

This 1,800 square foot rambler comes with a new furnace, storm windows, a fenced-in yard with patio, and a well-equipped master bathroom for the discriminating cock lover:

(see link for somewhat of an explanation)

Nicki Minaj!

Now, if you look really closely, you'll see that Nicki Minaj is actually wearing some very subtle facepaint. You'll have to stare long and hard, because it can be hard to see with all the distracting details in the rest of the photo:

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These will appear in something called V Magazine, but I warn you, they're actually lizards underneath their skin and the lady from Lost knows the secret!

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