Saw this on Gracie's site, it evoked a chuckle...It's like how the best barber in town has the worst haircut. There's some things that just can't happen.

You know, the Easter Bunny has a crappy job. Unlike Santa, who gets to go home to a warm dinner and nookie with Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny has the same routine - stop at every child's house, leaving gifts - but gets to go back to his cheap studio apartment and his goldfish. That is, unless he stops at a house with a friendly MILF ready to help him blow off a little steam...

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Sorry if the headline got you excited: no, there's no Lego blowjob. Not anymore. The lawyers decided that Christy Mack's offer of a blowjob for the best lego creation was a bad idea. Last week, she innocently tweeted that she likes Legos, and she likes giving blowjobs, so why not put the two together? Legal liability, that's who, according to the lawyers. So, you're more than welcome to keep building things out of Legos, just don't expect a pornstar to suck your dick for it.

Via.

Ladies, do you find giving a blowjob boring, ineffective, and unpleasant? Here's how to turn that around. Blowjob expert Joanna Van Vleck can show you how to give a blowjob that is better for you than him. Apparently, part of the process is called Orgasmic Meditation, where one person "gently strokes the other partner's clitoris for 15 minutes." Jesus Christ, if I stroked any woman's clitoris for fifteen minutes, I'm pretty sure she'd be pretty worked up by the time the egg-timer dinged. Cosmo, surprisingly, wasn't overly positive about it, but sucking cock isn't for everyone I guess.

I'm sure there's times that people have been out skiing, on a nice sunny spring morning, the snow is fresh and the hills are nicely groomed, and you're feeling alright, and then this yeti shows up. And you're like, 'hey, Yeti, it's a nice day, isn't it?" and the yeti is all "SUCK MY COCK GOD DAMN IT", and since it's such a nice day you decide, hey, I'll suck that Yeti's cock. Makes you wish you were a yeti sometimes, doesn't it.

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I am not a fan of sex with disembodied person-parts (although I guess I should rethink what exactly a dildo is), so buying a pornstar's head to fuck is kinda screwy. Bree Olson - one of Charlie Sheen's high-end sex toys - submitted to having a cast made of her head, so it could me molded in cyberskin and sold for men to stick their penises into. Well, not the whole head, just the front part, so it looks like a horrible industrial accident occurred during filming. Faces usually have their eyes wrong, but they're definitely messed up here - don't they know that she's supposed to be looking up? Straight ahead is kinda weird, like you're face-fucking a sexy robot or something.

Caption for the above photo: *removing mask* So you see, Mr. Bond, the existence of your busty assistant, Sucky McCocklover, was all a ruse - it was me, your evil enemy, the whole time! Want one of your own? Sexclectic has them, and their sample photos are just as creepy. Via.