Here's some more phone sex ads (
see previous) -- these are later, from a 80's Hustler (I only read it for the articles, of course). Unlike the earlier ads, these are full color, which only enhances the, um, quality of the wares presented for sale.
The "service that makes you feel special" sounds more like free continental breakfast and dry cleaning at Holiday Inn...the use of replacing parts of words with the word "cum" lets you know that you're in for somethin more like going out for coffee with people from the office than jizzing on the phone while listening to a woman finger herself.
She's a Beverly Hills sexpot! See the books and the chess set? She's smart, and she's got deep sexual secrets! That equals money, smarts,
and batshit insane because of sexual repression -- she sounds fun, but
don't tell her your real name.
Before you get to excited, take a closer look -- this babe is
sitting on the toilet. And, no, the cover's not closed -- she's actually relieving herself, while on the phone. Not that there's anything wrong with it, if you're into that kind of thing, but if you're not and you were just looking for a quick phone-sex call, she'd teach you pretty quick to check the ads closer.
Come on, buy one of her pictures -- she can't even afford a freakin'
chair or
desk for her office! That can't possibly be comfortable.
Don't ask me what she's doing there -- I had to really up the contrast just to see anything, and it looks like she's trying to hop over a too-taught garden hose. Or maybe it's a rake handle, possibly a handle of a space. Whatever horticultural implement, it must feel good, as she's got a horny look on her face. Gardening does that to women, or so I've been told.
This last one looks like it could have come from one of today's magazines -- simple, universal text, generic, sexy gal: it's almost preferable to the rest even though I need to remember that this lady, in her twenties when this photo was taken in the 70s or early 80s, is almost my mom's age now. Creepy. If you were just online looking for some hot photos, and found this phone sex ad that looks strangely like your mom, well...if it's any consolation, I'd do her -- hard -- if she still looks anything like this photo. You're welcome.
Phone sex is like erotica, in that you can create totally unrealistic fantasies that would make sex a lot less sexy if you tried it. Like
this guy's fantasy of just shoving dildo after dildo into a woman's rectum. Humans aren't rubber duckies, a shapely shell with an empty volume inside - unless that's your kink, which is OK by me.
