Posts Tagged 'News'

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Bits'n'Pieces - 7/19/2008

Vicious kangaroos are stalking the Australian suburbs, knocking old women down and savaging them -- who will save them? Cuddles, the Kangaroo-Attacking Guard Dog. Cuddles, however, will meet his match when he runs into the Koala Who Was Kit By A Car and Smashed Through the Grill But Is Doing Fine, a/k/a Doctor Babyraper.Wonder why the bar's DJ is so damn loud? To get your ass drunk. No, it's not an excuse to sniff a gal's hair while you're speaking so close to her ear to be heard. Or so I've been told.For the immature dudes viewing this site: foods whose names sound like sex acts.Employees with huge tits? Don't complain; they'll sue your ass.Ashley Dupre was a dental hygenist before sleeping with the New York Gov--oh, wait, that's a different one. Dental Dupre is suing the escort one for 'identity theft'.Bad grouper can have a poison that makes you sick as hell, but makes you feel hot things as cold, and cold things as hot. Didn't KY Jelly market that recently?Obvious: Don't call the judge an asshole. More obvious: when the judge asks, "what?" in disbelief, don't say it again.

Tax Stimulus Check Boosts Porn Industry

People getting their stimulus check are looking to stimulate more than their economy -- in this cute little press release, online adult marketing group AIMRCo provides some anecdotal proof (but not much research data) that the stimulus checks are improving the adult website business, but it wouldn't surprise me if it's a genuine measurable effect. People love their porn, and if you give 'em a little disposable income, nobody should be surprised if a little part of their stimulus check gets slipped under the g-string strap of a beautiful woman. Californians, however, might find that little part of their stimulus check going right back to the government -- a member of the state assembly has proposed a 'sin' tax on pornography. While it's nowhere near actually getting passed, it was a great way for reporters to get out into the community and talk one-on-one with their local porn stars. Speaking of important conversations, your IRS agent would like to have a 'talk' with you:
She would like to see how you're handling a little stimulation, and what you're planning on doing with it.

Big Tits And The Job Market

When you've got huge smokin' tits, you're wise to use them to your benefit, right? Wave 'em in a cop's face will get you out a speeding ticket, you never have to buy yourself a drink, and there's plenty of "customer service" jobs which pay nicely for your personal assets. The young lady below is an employee of "Smokin' Em Charters," a boating company that provides plenty of eye-candy for their customers. Problem is, she augments her real job by teaching gradeschool on the side. For some reason, parents don't like the idea of an attractive woman teaching their kids...the idiots.If she's teaching something that's not in the textbook, then there's a problem -- who gives a rat's ass where she bounces her boobies? Oh, the kids are "learning" things from her that shouldn't be taught in school. Let's take all the Christians out of the teaching profession; their off-duty activities are against my moral fiber...oh, wait, that isn't going to fly with the moral influencers, is it?Oh, and if you want 12 other nicely-posed views of this hottie's tits, the news article slideshow is more than happy to give you a good look.

Lesbians: Every Damn Woman Is One

OK, the headline is a little hyperbolic, but the nice folks at MetaFilter have accumulated the entire sum of human knowledge about what causes girl-on-girl action. Here's what it comes down to: if the other girl is hot, and there's no reason not to, well, that's fair game. HALLELUJAH!Also mentioned in the Metafilter thread is this: Buffy the Vampire Slayer swings both ways.Now, I'm a purist, in that the TV series never did much for this means, by the transitive property, y'all can cut-and-paste Kristy Swanson into that fantasy of yours.You can thank Joss Wheadon next time you see him.

New Zealand's Hottest Weather Boobs - er - Babes

Meteorologists come in all shapes and sizes -- and The Weather Angels are some of the shapliest ones so far. They don't go as far as the Naked News, but that Kiwi accent goes a long way -- plus, where else in the world has the NIPPLEoMETER?
Yes, that's the NIPPLEoMETER for you, in living color. Their reports are fun and playful, a good fit for the weather, as fitting whipped cream into a report on economic sanctions towards Iran is much less entertaining. In recent episodes they talk about the end of Season 1, so I hope that's not the end of the Weather Angels -- the weather stops for no one, so they've still got lots of work to do!(via here and here)

Sexual Lewdness: Protected Speech

Larry Craig is setting an excellent prescedent for the pornographic industry -- he's claiming his foot-tapping and hand-gestures were protected speech, even though they could be considered sexually lewd and obscene, by offering homosexual sex to a stranger. The adult industries, from erotica to gonzo, ride on the verge of prosecution because obscenity is not protected speech. So, where does Craig's action take the adult industry? Well, it doesn't "fix" anything, but it is beginning to provide precedence...if obscene gestures, directly sexual gestures, are considered protected under free speech, according to the US Constitution, this opens up a category of allowable, protected speech. Obscene sexual hand-gestures of a woman in just her panties and bra? Protected. Obscene sexual hand-gestures of a naked woman? Well, inexplicit nudity can be considered protected, so with Craig's precedence, even more naughtiness is allowable by adding obscene hand-gestures. Thus, a naked woman masturbating -- sexually-alluring hand gestures that many find obscene -- isn't too far away. Pornography is around because of lack of interest in prosecuting...but when it crosses the line into protected speech, the adult industry is handed a pocketful of get-out-of-jail-free cards. The more the 'protected speech' card is played by powerful people trying to get out of trouble, the better the adult industry has it. Craig doesn't open any floodgates, but if what he does works then others are going to continue to stretch the leniency in the future.We've still got the 'community standard' problem, however, in which a community of Congresspeople could decide that public solicitation of homosexual sex is not obscene, but a naked woman during prime-time is -- well, then that says a lot about the kind of people we're electing. Who knew we were such a gay-friendly country?

Got Crabs? The Dutch Would Like A Handful

It's a sad, sad state when extinction looms for any creature...but when it's pubic lice, I don't think too many people are complaining. Well, except for the Rotterdam Natural History Museum in the Netherlands. In the interest of completeness, their entomologists went looking for an example of pubic lice, but were unable to find any. The curator promises total anonymity if you're going to donate a few, although they're fuzzy on how the, um, "transfer" will actually occur. The blame for this potential extinction? Deforestation. "When the bamboo forests that the Giant Panda lives in were cut down, the bear became threatened with extinction. Pubic lice can't live without pubic hair."

2257 Ruled Unconstitutional

Woo! Provision 2257 of the COPA, that "prove you're not a criminal, you criminal!" law requiring "publishers" (an overbroad description) to keep personal records of their models and provide it to anyone who asks, has been struck down by the courts. Strictly according to law, because I've posted some naughty pics on this blog, that makes me a publisher -- so somewhere in my files I'm legally required to have those pretty ladies' real names and copies of their driver's licenses in a file. While this would make my Christmas-card mailings much easier, it ain't happening -- an earlier court ruling said republishers didn't really have to, but they still should anyway...which probably meant selective enforcement, an even scarier threat to small-time pornographers. Why won't these laws just die? Well, it's because the powers-that-be flail their arms about, declaring, "won't someone please think about the children?!!??" Since 2257 is trying to prevent child porn, well, the "thinking about children" in the wrong way seems a little too prominent in the lawmaker's minds...

Bits 'n' Pieces!

Why are bony, emaciated women seen as sexy? The UK Guardian, of course, comes to the rescue with this entertaining article. Little skinny women look too much like teenage boys for my liking...what does that say about most men? I like curvy women, if only because they don't look like I'll accidentally snap them in half.

In case you're unfamiliar with her, Kari is the hot redhead from Mythbusters. She had a photoshoot for FHM (which IMHO sucked), but she's much hotter in this video from the photoshoot. Her geekiness is what makes her hot, and airbrush-plus-caked-on-makeup don't do it for me. I guess I'm more of a Scottie kind of guy -- tattoos, braid pigtails, and sexy welding skillz.

"I'd recommend to anybody working on their relationship that they should try embarking on a 16-year elaborate pornography together. I think they'll find it works wonders." Alan Moore, co-author of Lost Girls (and what seems to be every comic-based movie's source lately) talks to The Onion about pornography, sexuality in our society, and his collaborator / soon-to-be wife. He definitely seems to have his head on straight; its too bad he'll probably be made an example of by the Powers That Be due to the high-profileness of his new book.

Perversion For Profit: a 1965 anti-pornography film that covers pretty much everything that was wrong with Cold War conservatism: Homosexuality is a learned perversion; BDSM is the worst of 'em; Communism is behind it all; Murder and mayhem are caused by exposure to pornography. What the film fails to even note is that their statistics don't jibe: it was a multibillion dollar industry in the 1960s? Let's look at who's buying it. 75%-90% of all porn ends up in the hands of minors? Who gives the kids that porn, when red-blooded Americans with families supposedly aren't the porn-buyers? Alas, then as today, conservative opinions are that you can do whatever you want in your own home (inlcuding buying the nastiest of porn and making it accessible to your children), but morals should be applied to the "free market" because the government can control that. The most amusing thing, however: of the magazines they show as examples, I actually own a few. I must be on the verge of murdering local children (after giving them all my porn, of course) and joining a Communist homosexual leather fetish cult.

First mono was considered the 'kissing disease,' but a recent study shows it's now also a fucking disease. Chances of contracting mononucleosis appear higher during sexual intercourse, pushing it closer to being considered an STD.

Who are the hottest rich chicks? Pretty much every one has a recognizeable last name, most have appeared in the media regularly, so it might be an excuse for Forbes to do a Hot Unattainable Chick montage like the rumor-rag tabloids. Doesn't stop them from being hot, though. Julia Louis-Dreyfus makes the list worthwhile.

When you as your lover for sex and he rebuffs you, what do you do? Call the police, apparently. While the headline leads you to believe she did it without provocation, the horny wife didn't call until the fight with her husband reached intolerable levels. The police, however, were unable to force compliance in the husband, and left the situation as-is. I wouldn't doubt there's dom/sub relationships looking at this situation as well as porn producers looking for new storylines. "Sex Cop -- not getting any? Call the Sex Cops, who rescue fair citizens oppressed by illegal refusal of sexual advances by their spouses."

These days, it seems the only place for sex in film is porn -- or, rather, our summer blockbusters are suspiciously tame when it comes to sex, according to Film morality police have been demanding less sex and violence in their films, and I suspect that the movie industry, looking for the broadest audience possible, has been giving in. Indie film, however, is still a nice place to go for R-rated sexual entertainment, as my recent viewing of The Libertine shows.

Gizmodo has the greatest bathroom fixture EVAR. Breast-shaped soap dispensers. Man, they look like fun. I can't help but feel that the ladies should have their own, a 7" member to dispense creamy blasts of conditioner. The boobs, at least, appeal to a part of society with money: the guy who can't find a gal. Women who want a penis to squeeze in the shower don't have to try very hard.

The old wives' tale says that pornography is instrumental in all technological advances, from the VHS to web TV -- but little do you know that it's been happening from the start. The first -- and now unofficially 'standard' -- test image for digital image compression and transmission (or, in layman's terms, the way web porn gets displayed on your screen) was the 1972 Playboy centerfold -- Lenna.

Science, again behind the obvious but happily proving what we all know, has shown that womens' brains react faster and more energetic to pornography than anything else - sometimes reacting before the consiousness really gets what's going on. They initially figured women would show less, because everyone knows men watch porn more, but their assumption proved wrong.

I'm not sure if this is creepy or not....Svedka vodka is anticipating the construction of a sexy robot, a'la "I Robot", who parties like there's no tomorrow during the days of the Repornification Act. Their "flag" is equally odd -- an eagle with nude breasts? Maybe I'm not drinking enough vodka.

Kuro5hin has a how-to, crossed with a simple personal anecdote: How To Host An Orgy. Not that we'll be hosting any anytime soon, but's something worth knowing about, because knowing is half the battle.

"I'd hit that" is a euphamism for having sex with someone - and for some reason it's used in advertising to show how 'hip' the subject is without any real reason to talk about having intercourse. A while back, early in the life of "I'd hit that," it was used to great amusement in a McDonald's ad, completely missing the point, but Sony seems to know exactly what it means. Tell me, why would someone be more likely to buy Daxter because two animated squirrels talk about how much they'd like to fuck Daxter's sister? They say "I'd hit that" about the video game character's sibling nine times near the end of the commercial. Note to self: squirrel-interspecies-casual-sex sells video games.

The The Vagina Institute is a scholarly work devoted to one of man's favorite places -- I suspect that the Vagina Institute exceeds Musclecar Institute, Television Institute, and even Sleeping Institute on most guys' scales. However, they charge for subscriptions, which means they're competing with all those other websites devoted to vaginas but lack the educational slant, and education rarely 'beats out' masturbation.

An Australian has been jailed for pornographic stories involving children -- bringing up a sticky situation which, no doubt, will become more common in the antiobscenity climate that's spreading through western culture. While I'm offended by child pornography in any sense, a story (without visuals, which involve real people) is little more than a thought recorded in text. Australia isn't too different from the US in political climate, and the idea that imagining something can result in being arrested is a very disconcerting possibility.

Pornography: reaching epidemic proportions? It's another fear-based reaction to online pornography, the kind of article most publications run once in a while, but it does have some redeeming factors. Jungian psychoanalyst Jane Haynes has a rather matter-of-fact opinion, neither for or against porn, but notes that it fulfills men's roaming hormones without actually cheating, and it's often more hobbylike than obsessive/compulsive - but can be destructive when it crosses that line. The opposite arguments are more compelling than the general moral arguments, but for the most part reflect emotional problems in the viewer than anything inherently wrong with pornography itself -- harkening back to "Guns don't kill people - people do" sentiments that are lost on the opponents of pornography. Porn doesn't mess up people emotionally -- emotionally messed-up people get worse when they rely on porn instead of genuine romantic fulfillment.

German prostitutes are changing careers -- not because of moral or religious reasons (although they're being helped by a church), but more due to market fluctuation, low prices due to high supply and low demand, and asset depreciation as they reach their thirties. Prostitution is such a capitalistic venture, one wonders how America can continue to ban it without violating its personal values.

Tit-Elation Review!

I write for Tit-Elation, and help edit sometimes. While I don't put as much time into the site as I'd like, they're beginning to pick up some steam: Tit-Elation was reviewed by SugarClick today, who wrote a really good review considering that the climate of porn online has to do with pictures of faux-aroused women posing uncomfortably. I may have to write for them again, but I've been getting more overtime at work, and with a lady like Gracie waiting in the bedroom I don't have much need for fantasies lately. Still, the writing at T~E is top-notch, and I've read both the quarterlies that are out right now and recommend them highly. Erotica has started to be more commodified (the B&N erotica section is almost all Penthouse Letters), so it's nice to see someplace seeing the value of good sexual literature.

Bits 'n' Pieces!

The soverign and independent Sioux nation of South Dakota will provide Planned Parenthood services, on tribal land, handled by the tribe, and free from state law. a-HA, American oppressors, didn't count on that, did you? I'd be remiss, however, to point out that Pine Ridge is historically tied to the Wounded Knee Massacre; the government would be wise to learn from history, but that hardly seems likely given today's standards for logic.

No little mermaid nipples, please! Well, there are a lot of supporters who believe the statue, commissioned for display by a community center, should keep its nipples, but the more easily offended of the community would like her nippleless. Well, you know, she has huge breasts, but nipples only cheapen them, I suppose. What's wrong with nipples on a statue of an inhuman sea creature, anyways?

Comics can be pornographic, but libraries and parents aren't sure what to do about it. Very suggestive manga from Japan is finding its way into public libraries -- even into the kids' sections, because of it's cartoony nature -- much to the surprise of parents expecting Pokemon and Spirited Away. No doubt there's teens out there who happily get their porn jollies without the stigma of getting caught with a Playboy under the bed, entirely with the help of their parents' library account.

A female jailer can not be fired for orally servicing a coworker on the job, says the Nevada corrections board. The Lovelock Correctional Facility must be too provocative of a name to completely prevent a little lockdown lovin', but kudos to her for fighting the termination: the penis in question wussed out and quit his job after their tryst was discovered.

A 'cunt' appeared in the newspaper, in the form of the book, Cunt: A Declaration of Independence, carried by an Abu Graib witness. It's no wonder the Army is going to hell, what with all the feminists they're letting in -- they're all loose cannons, I tells ya!

Bits 'n' Pieces!

A group of boys set up a fake MySpace account, impersonating a 15-year-old girl, to mess with a friend who had recently been dumped. Imagine their surprise when a sexual predator started contacting the 'girl's' MySpace avatar. The boys did the right thing: they arranged a meetup with the loser, and called police.

A basketball player shows a little more balls in a newspaper photo -- or does he? It's quite convincing -- it does look like a well-endowed penis flopping around, but the paper's explanation points out the black bike-shorts underneath his uniform (plainly visible in the photo), and the color-shift caused during publishing (compare the numbers on his jersey) add to the illusion.

The Ten Commandments of Simon is a comic for all of you out there who failed at being a 29-year-old virgin. Had you obeyed these Commandments, your success would have been secure. Have faith; modern dogma indicates that your can be a born-again virgin, so take these Commandments to heart.

You can see exactly how your breasts bounce, unfettered, in a normal bra, and in the Shock Adsorber bra. Somehow, their scientific analysis sucks all the fun out of watching boobies bounce.

Is the Sinclair Institute's Better Sex tapes pornography? The reviewers are mixed, but it seems the female contingent thinks that men could use a gander at this video set instead of the sexually-oversaturated porn, in hopes of learning something.

Researchers: Masturbation not as good as sex. It'd be predictable for me to say that this is obvious, but, duh. At least it's proven by a quantifiable measurement of hormones relating to the 'act.'

Smutty books abound -- sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, all under the chick-lit genre, re-coined by this writer as "slapper lit." Who really wants to read about all these ladies' fuck conquests? Publishers seem to think everybody wants to read about it, but the lovely Ms Quigley disagrees.

Jamaica is looking deeper at male sex workers. It seems that there's no doubt that men pay women for sex, and you might incorrectly think this article focuses on gay prostitutes -- but women pay men for sex? Apparently, yes, and the study has found that women of all social strata are purchasing their wares. It seems that the customers are women who desire sex, but do not want all the baggage of a relationship or commitment. Since Jamaica isn't exactly the target audience for Sex In The City or the new-wave feminism that promotes this 'masculine' sexual ideal in women, it seems that no-strings sex is a more ingrained characteristic of humans than just some creation of modern society.

The wife-whore economy, per Forbes magazine. Timely written for Valentine's Day, Forbes takes a mix of serious analysis with tongue-in-cheek analysis and considers how prostitution remains a financially viable industry in today's world, when wives are a more accessible commodity, undercut prostitutes on the pricetag, and provide more services in one location. Wives = Wal-Mart, Prostitutes = Phil's Locally-Owned Hardware Shoppe? Hmmm...they may be onto something here!

Canadian youth are turning more to online sex. On one hand, kudos for getting off without risk of STDs or pregnancy. On the other hand, they're no doubt fantasizing about acting out riskier or scarier sexual practices -- things much easier to do online than in person -- which may effect them in the long-term.

The Wall Street Journal covers the 2257 rule effects on the porn industry. There's not much new news here -- except that when the Wall Freaking Street Journal weighs in on something, it must have a significant effect on the business world.

Plastic surgery results in better sex -- mostly for breast augmentation and tummy tucks, or body-shape-enhancing surgeries, not facial or minimal alterations. The connection seems to be in self-esteem, the main reason most women claim to want to alter their bodies. The women feel better about their bodies, they dress and feel sexier, so they have sex with their partners more often and are more likely to reach orgasm. While this sounds nice (especially to the plastic surgery industry), isn't there a better way to improve your partners' self-esteem than living a Nip/Tuck episode?

Bits 'n' Pieces!

Leeds University is launching a serious investigation of men's sexual fantasies. Apparently going deeper than just simply reading Penthouse Letters, Leeds is hoping to figure out just how horny men really are. They have more information on the survey, and it appears you can take the survey online.

Swinging is everywhere. Not that we didn't know this before, but the age-old pattern is starting: the media is giving this a lot of attention, which, no doubt, will lead to laws changed to prevent it from happening. Swinging, as you might guess, is rather innocuous when compared to the other oppressed sexual desires (more places have laws against homosexuality than swinging), but, of course, it affronts the Christian ideal of what marriage and sex should be, and unlike Canada, the US will not be so tolerant.

The Department of Justice could have your porn search queries -- that is, unless you're a Google user. Under the excuse that they're trying to defend the Child Online Protection Act, the government has gotten a random sample of one million internet addresses (not search results - addresses) from the major search engines. Google, unlike MSN, AOL, and Yahoo, has stood up to the subpoena, citing their obligation to protect the privacy of their users.

Being Elvis is the key to getting attention at the Adult Expo: one reporter decided to hit the Consumer Electronics Expo dressed as Elvis, and finding himself ignored, discovered he could get plenty of attention at the Adult Expo down the hall. My guess is this only works the first time, hornyboys, so stop reserving your Elvi costumes for next year.

Forbes shows just how profitable porn is. Now, don't get your bustle in a bundle over the negative picture it paints: valid, factual numbers are far more useful than suppositions. While huge numbers are often tossed around, it appears that porn brings in a healthy-but-smaller-than-expected annual revenue of approximately $2 billion. Forbes shows that it's less than most media, but for a specialized product I'd say it's getting an acceptably large chunk of the American dollar.

The UK lifts the limit for 'brothel' to more than 3 prostitutes working at a time. The idea is that this promotes safety in numbers. Formerly, only one prostitute at a time could work from any location, for fear of being punished for operating as a brothel -- but that tended to set up a hooker to be taken advantage of by pimps or their customers. It seems to also be a positive alternative, given the crackdown on 'streetwalkers' that has been occuring in the UK. Rather than try and make it all illegal and drive it underground, just send it indoors. Not a bad idea! Now, let's increase those numbers...what they don't realize is that, with the limit of three, I'd think the demand for prostitutes would require one to be established every block or so.

Couples have half as much sex if there's a TV in the bedroom -- once again, television is the destroyer of mankind. Personally, I think that there's be a whole lotta sex going on if there weren't any TV at all...consider 'blizzard babies', the increase in childbirths 9 months after winter-related power outages in the midwest. Also, compare that un-wired countries have twice the birthrate we do over here -- I think I may be on to something!

Box Magazine's most recent issue is available. Artistically sexual and outside of the standard 'pornographic' mould, like Sweet Action, I hope they grow as a counteraction to the T-n-A magazines. Their artsy ways will probably hinder that growth, but stranger things have happened.

Don't think Playboy is a target for anti-obscenity prosecution? Conservative writer Rachel Alexander takes on the most innocuous pornography, and uses it to prove to a guy how disgusting it is to meet someone who enjoys a little porn once in a while. Granted, her guyfriend shouldn't be lovin' his porn in his blog if his conservative friends read it, but she's got FACTS, including proof in the form of a Word DOC that I won't read and her aluusion that women are being exploited in nudie pictures because they aren't intelligent enough to realize they was being exploited. People like her are out there -- all over -- ready to fall in behind the claims that porn, even as tame as Playboy, hurts people simply by existing.

Porn Political Cimate!

Gracie has wrangled a who's-who of erotica and sexuality to discuss the political climate of porn today. They all had relatively similar responses, and all in line with what you'd expect from the oppressed side, but that doesn't make it less relevant. Because of the murky realm of what pornography and obscenity are, in today's US legal climate it's up to an observer to decide if any item meets the definition of 'obscene.'

While that might not scare you, you might want to consider it from a logical standpoint. This means that the creation or ownership of an item itself is not the illegal event -- the accusation by the observer(s) who determined the condition of obscenity is the event that makes the item illegal.

Accusing someone of speeding is expected to be accompanied by evidence -- a radar gun, a police observer, or an expert who measured tire skid marks and impact results -- that shows factually that the event meets a legal threshhold for legality. Simply saying, "I think they were driving too fast," is not enough to cause conviction for speeding, even if you can find people who agree with you and can make a good point for the appropriate driving speed. Even if the accusation of driving too fast results in a speed limit change, the driver will not be punished for speeding.

Obscenity, however, works this way: the opinion of the observer is the key decider, and how convincing their accusation is will either get their opinion upheld or denied. A business transparently and openly selling nudie magazines for years could find themselves on the recieving end of an obscenity accusation, regardless of the number of customers who partake or the lack of objections until that point, simply due to how eloquent their accuser is. In fact, a key aspect of the obscenity law covers anything that a person could masturbate to - the definition of 'prurient interest'. Take a long, hard look at the 'prurient' things you partake of on a regular basis, or are available to you if you chose. The other defining points of literary/artistic value and community standards are nebulous at best...and change based on public opinion, not on legal definitions.

This establishes sexuality as an inherently illegal act, awaiting discovery by an offended observer willing to prove lack of artistic value and violation of community standards.

It is a sinisterly slow-moving process by which Hefner could find himself, after decades of support, twisting on the recieving end of an offended population's short stick. It would be ignored, because today they started with the animal porn, and then the obscenely large vibrators, and then the anal sex...and then the strip clubs that go panty-free...and then companies taking pictures of legally naked adults but neglected to obtain verification of age...and then the companies that photograph naked women at all...and then what? Well, if it's as bad as animal porn, then it must be horrible -- all the sick, horrible, obscene things that need to be made illegal. And who would defend Playboy against an obscenity definition? Defending Playboy when it's an obscene, disgusting publication as bad as beastiality! Not so, but the pursuers of obscenity are leaning in that direction.

Videotaping you and your partner having sex is prurient and lacks artistic value - and do you think it'd be hard to find someone to accuse you of violating societal standards? Phone sex lacks artistic value, is prurient in interest...and if your community decides it's unaccaptible, you are no longer protected by the 1st Amendment -- obscenity is not protected speech. You may think that you can live without strip clubs and the Spice channel, but they are not so far separated from the things that arouse your sexual being.

Extreme? Yes, but we've all done naughtier things than phone sex and videotaping sex: Kinsey has told us so. The common attitude is, "if it might be illegal and you don't want to defend it in court, don't do it." However, take a look at how your sexuality influences your life: they are ingrained with each other, you obscene thing.

My solution: obscenity should be limited to definable harm: public nudity could cause emotional harm to the unexpecting viewer, child pornography and beastiality cause harm to participants that cannot give consent, and rough sex should be subject to the same definitions that assault cases are subject to. This does not criminalize the sexual act -- it criminalizes the direct effects the sexual act has on the participants and society.

Bits 'n' Pieces!

Having a coworker lick whipped cream off your neck and having your breasts fondled might be fun -- but it's not a good idea if you're a police sergeant, and the coworker is your subordinate. The lickee/fondlee was fired (mostly because of her speckled diciplinary record), while the 'licker,' the birthday girl herself, was suspended for 10 days. Unfortunately, I'm letting the horndog in me get the better of my opinion of the situation: two policewomen, licking whipped cream off each other and fondling their breasts? Woah, that's hot. I'll bet there's a pornsite for this exact situation!

What do you get when you show Chirac, the British Queen, and Dubya in a menage a troi? In trouble with the viewing public, that's what. The billboard (see pic in link) has two women and a man in close sexual contact, wearing Halloween masks of the world's favorite heads-of-state. For somewhat obvious reasons, this act of artistic political defiance didn't get its point across with the Austrian citizenry, and many have demanded it be taken down. Take special note that this means roadside porn is acceptible if there is a political opinion embedded in it. Take extra-special note at the size of President GW Bush's breasts.

Poor UK -- starting in the new year, the legal system will crack down on prostitution. They cite drugs and misogyny as the reason, because we all know that both of those cease to exist without prostitution to instigate ithem. Excuses, excuses to produce an air of moral superiority -- no doubt to show the US how 'progressive' the UK is.

Canada proves, yet again, why they're the cooler country -- they've legalized swinger's clubs. Unlike the US, who shrugs and says, "well, it's not IL-legal, exactly...", Canada's courts determined, 7-2, that there's nothing inherently harmful to society about swinging. Oh, and not just 'swinging,' but partner-swapping and group sex were explicitly included as A-OK activities. Canada's position is summed up according to Chief Justice Beverley McLachlin: "Moral views, even if strongly held, do not suffice...As members of a diverse society, we must be prepared to tolerate conduct of which we disapprove." Laugh at Canada's accent all you want -- the words are truer than any others in a true democracy.

Sex toys are reaching social acceptance -- drugstores are adding more 'pleasure' products in addition to their sterile and utilitarian 'sperm blocking' wares, and those condom producers are developing lines of toys marketed more tastefully than the standard 'orgasmic porn star' packaging that domainates the shelves of dirty bookstores today.

These have to be the GREATEST EBAY PRODUCT PHOTOS EVER! Sad thing is -- I've seen ebay sellers doing exactly this in their real auctions.

Sex is more work for women -- if only because their ass of a male partner are too stupid to do anything about it. Much of this article's theories are about two incompatible people trying to move forward entirely on the back of the woman's effort. Why excuse the male ass from his responsibility? Apparently, because waiting for the man to make any sort of move is a guaranteed loss.

Less than a week left to buy a porn company on eBay! Zero bids, $100,000 starting price -- it's a steal for a debtless company with valuable intellectual property. Be sure to check out the 'product shots' from different various...ahem...angles.

An in-store demonstration video demonstrated a bit more than chopping onions. It's downright amazing. Pornography turns up everywhere: blank tapes, videos returned to the rental shop, video cameras returned at Best Buy. No wonder everyone loves porn -- you can't go anyplace without running across it accidentally!

The double-standard is shrinking -- boys getting laid by Mrs Robinson are ending up with their older lover in jail. Double standards are never good, even if it involves in people getting more sex, so you women: go get laid by someone your own age. You complain about grown men being childish and annoying? Teens are even worse. While teens aren't supposed to be having sex, they're better off doing it with other teens so both of them can grow out of their stupid years. You, cradle-robbing ladies, aren't going to grow out of your stupidity.

Great sex and creativity are linked -- although generations of musicians and artists can already attest to this, at least science is finally proving something worthwhile for us. Hooray science!

Your species is better off with fewer males. Apparently,an overabundance of violent, stupid, clumsy males can injure and kill enough females to completely ruin the ability to further the species. I, for one, am a smart, caring, genle male, and should be kept for reproduction purposes when the lady stormtroopers start equalizing the human race.

Searching for "Erotic Mittens" on GIS totally does not produce search results of pornographic hand-warmers. Well, I supppose it depends on your definition of 'hand warmers','m thinking way to much about this, so I better stop now.

How to get into the XXX Website Design Industry: be good at your job. Who knew? Job perks include being separated from the 'talent', looking at pornographic pictures on a per-pixel level, and being paid less than at the bigger corporate IT departments. Glamour isn't what you're looking for: it's the business card, with your name just below the name of a porn website corporation, that is your reward.

The guy from the 1980s encyclopedia commercials attends a porn shoot. No, I wasn't running a random-word generator: he actually did, with photos to prove he was actually there.

Bits 'n' Pieces!

The War On Pornography is gaining momentum in Texas...and, according to the reporter who wrote the article, it's going to be in your yard soon, too.

The International Sex & So Much More Show is in Minneapolis right now -- just mere miles from me...this is what I get for not reading the newspaper! Now, to scrounge up admission money, and talk Gracie into going...although I doubt she needs much coercing!

Kids who have nosy neighbors wait longer to lose their virginity. Regardless of free condoms in school and HPV vaccines for teens, kids who think their actions have effects beyond themselves are going to act more responsible -- this goes for, violence, grades, bathing, etc. Let's give them some credit, and take some responsibility ourselves; I hate to say it, but it takes a village...yadda yadda yadda.

Sorry to quote a beer commercial, but keep that in mind when I say...Here's to you, Mr. Vintage Porn Buyer! You've got thousands of dollars to spend on photos of naked women who are either very old or very dead (it's not creepaayyyy!) If you only had four or five hidden in a closet, you might be a pervert -- but you, you are a conniseur! (that makes it classyyy!). So, in honor of your validation of leering at nudie pictures, here's to you, Mr. Vintage Porn Buyer (Mr. Vintage Porn Buyerrrrrr!)

Rural Indianans are more likely to incorrectly use condoms, compared to urban Indianians, according to a study. Wipe those images of men with condoms on their ears or inflating them as bathtoys -- but, by 'incorrect,' they mean waiting too long to put them on and taking them off too soon. It's a rather generous definition of 'incorrect', seeing the condom actually makes it onto the penis in all their cases. Still, good for them: figuring out who is screwing up when it comes to condoms will only slow the spread of disease. Why bother teaching the people who got it right, when so many got it wrong?

Scooter Libby, darling of the current Republican administration and newly resigned chief of staff for the VPOTUS, once wrote a novel involving a "bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons." Excuse me, Mr. FBI, aren't you shutting down websites for writing about these things? Oh, it's different when it's a Republican, I suppose. The book will be reprinted soon, but out-of-print ones are still available.

The Japanese are the least sexually active country in the world -- again? In an annual survey by Durex, the Japanese made love just 45 times a year, on average -- less than once a week -- a statistic that's down from 2004. So, the country with the most horribly vulgar, degrading, and paedophilic pornography (and allows it to be partaken of in public) has the least amount of sex, hmmmm? Let's keep that in mind next time we accuse the pornography industry for rampant sexualization. There's something else at work, and it's not the entertainment industry.

A group of young women are protesting Abercrombie & Fitch's line of offensive T-shirts...well, offensive to women who don't find them funny. Just as I won't ever be seen wearing a "take me drunk I'm home" t-shirt, women unaffended by the shirts simply shouldn't wear them. Bonus: Newsday's t-shirt model is medium-breasted and slouches a little...well, all except for the "Who needs brains when you have these?" shirt, which she must've been quite proud of (incidentally, the photo was taken from a vantage point coinciding with the 'talking to your breasts' conversation women hate so much). Note that you can buy copies of this photo from Newsday, if self-deprecating humor about huge breasts is your thing.

Stuff And Soap!

I'm behind the times on this -- probably because it's an email viral thing, and nobody likes me enough to email me. No matter -- as payment for ignoring me, I will subject you to my skinny ass dancing & stripping for you, courtesy the Gap's "Watch Me Change" program (requires Shockwave).

Wish you were an erotic artists? The Nonist has a starter course for you, scanned from a 1970s erotic coloring book. Very stylish and obviously retro, these would look great ironed on a t-shirt. If you don't mind being hassled by mall cops for obscene t-shirts. But they let Spencers in the mall, so what's up their ass? They should mind their own business.

If you don't want to give up art saturated with breasts, Dino Cortez has galleries of his own breast-painting art. That is, he's painting upon actual breasts; the classical artists did fine painting pictures of breasts themselves, but Cortez has turned busts until canvases.

If you've ever wondered how to find lesbian scenes in movies, some afficianados have created The Encyclopedia of Lesbian Scenes -- complete with descriptions and stills.

Katie Fey gets wet and soapy in a series of videos; her disturbingly piercing gaze might be kinda scary, but I doubt you'll just look at her face.

As I've said before, soapy sex is a bit hard to come by, but this Asian couple couldn't restrain themseves, starting with some cooperative washing and ending with sexual congress. Now she's all dirty again, dude! >This couple has the same problem -- she spends all that time getting soapy and clean, only to be defiled by a good fucking.

This set has a 1970s-ish Payboy-feel to it, but that's not all bad - photographers did their work with minimal airbrushing back then. This nameless beauty soaps up, both in wet clothes and unclothed - she even smiles like a real person once.

Lovely Anne takes a bath, and actually looks like she is comfortably enjoying herself, unlike Emily 18 who appears to have been tossed in the dungeon and forced to bathe endlessly. Her creepy looks don't really pass for 'sensual,' instead appearing more like she's been locked up far too long.

This "nasty porn star", Raven Riley, can only see out of one eye. She is in the bath -- she should wash out some of that styling crap and pull her bangs back...then she wouldn't have to turn her head strangely like that anymore.

Anna, if you can trust the title, is both "18" and "busty", and she shows it off in the bubble bath. She seems quite bored, as though she's posed this way for you for the 10th night in a row and it's getting old...she's got a 18-and-busty friend, Anita, who's got video of her in the bath, too.

Danya takes a bath, pouting annoyingly for the camera, but fluffing around in the bubbles nicely. The thumbnails are cropped; the large versions are much better. Amy's sudsy thumbnails are cropped, too, but she doesn't look angry or pouty. She smiles for the camera, as though she's inviting the viewer to join her. The pouty, angry ones just look annoyed to be bothered in the bath.

In a turn of NPSP (Non-Porn Soapy Pics), S&S Chemical has given us a very sexy lady in the bath -- with the decidedly unsexy caption "POLYBOOST Polymers add fragrance and beauty to candles." Pornographers take note: if you add bland, uninteresting corporate taglines to photos, you might get more social acceptance. "No, honey -- it's not porn, it's an instructional video for application of polyethelyne barriers!"

Lots Of Links!

July has been crazy: I tagged along with the Sex~Kitten crew on their first 'city review,' a whirlwind tour of Minneapolis. The issue should be available at Sex~Kitten's website soon; I even wrote some stuff for it. I've also taken on many of the 'pre-press' duties of Sex~Kitten, setting up articles, ads, and formatting -- giving me the opportunity to flex some of my l33t design skills. Hopefully it won't suck.
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Jordan Matter photography has a set of classy nudes on their website -- artistic photos, not your average 'spread the labia' sets that equal pornography. Most are so candid, so public, it makes you wonder if there really are partly-nude women wandering New York, and nobody cares enough to notice the people around them, save one intrepid photographer.
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Sex sells, even when it comes to high-end server components. No nudity -- nor even undergarments -- but whoever this eBay seller is, he's got a handful of traditionally attractive women working in his warehouse's front office. They don't do it with every item, but I've been watching his auctions for several months now, and he's always got a couple pictures of girlies holding hard drive caddies or network adapters.
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Come on, this has to be a satirical website. At Big Sausage Pizza, women give blowjobs...when the penis is inserted through a hole cut in the middle of a pizza. What pot-smoking pizza-delivery guy came up with this fantasy?!? "Dude, this last delivery, the chick was so hot....she shoulda given me a pizza-doughnut blow job!" *ding* lightbulbs appear above a half-dozen drug-addled heads.
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For those confused about the act, this website tells you how to make love today. Not just any day -- TODAY! There's a new one tomorrow, so don't fall behind, slackers!
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If you know someone with a pornography problem, send 'em an e-card to let them know they're fucked up. Not me -- dammit! I don't have a porn's part of my job to look at naked photos of sexy ladies! See, here's an example -- this issue of...

Of course she'll video-chat with you right now -- this soapy lady, clearly taken from a canned set of photos, is ready for your masturbatory chats, no matter what time of day. Still, I wouldn't kick her out of my bath...

One day a while back, Larry Elder interviewed this lady (last article) and her husband about their pornographic careers. She held her ground, and did a good job of showing she's not some drug-addled slut trying to make enough for her next pot purchase. First, she gets me on her side like that on Laryr Elder, then she takes a bath and puts the picture someplace where I could find it. How dare she tempt me so!

She's at the spa in her little sundress -- and it's bathtime! She's a little too 'Playboy' for my liking, but that's mostly in her hair and makeup...I'm not looking too closely at that.

These photos are kinda crappy, but she's very darn soapy. She's also a natural beauty, which is nice after the link above this one.

Sexy Jordan Capri bathes for your entertainment, starting in water-soaked undies but slipping into the bubble bath without too much delay.

Tawnee Stone is smiling brightly, as though she has no idea she's being photographed naked in the bath. "I'm what?!? And you still took pictures?!?" Oh, yes they did, and you appear to have liked it. Her fellow bather, Raven Riley, undulates sexily and soapily in front of reproduction caveman art, drinking her wine in the tub and looking a mix of tired and annoyed. Somewhere between the two of them there's a middle ground of pleasantly relaxed being watched in the tub, without hostility or false amusement, like Shayla Model. While Shayla's smile is a bit repetitive, she at least looks like she's enjoying herself, without overacting happy or appearing bored.

Couples are actually rather rare in soapy pictorals; For The Girls has a set of a man and woman gettin' sloppy in the bubble bath, and looking like they're actually enjoying themselves just a little.

Like huge soapy breasts, but hate the face? SweaterMeat has pictures for you! The body is pleasantly zaftig, a little on the chubby side (but, then, who isn't?) but the lack of face makes these seem a bit absent.

Elyssa takes a hot bubble bath, but from the looks of it the hottest thing there is Elyssa.

Shower sets don't usually get soapy enough for my liking, but Megan does a good job of covering herself in bubbles.

Teen Jasmin has a nice set -- two pages worth of her lounging in a very bubbly bath.

Bits 'n' Pieces!

Viagra has practical uses, you know -- when prescribed to children with breathing problems, it's ability to dilate blood vessels helps flow through the lungs. Two problems: Viagra has it's blindness-causing risks (when compared to not breathing is worth the risk), and I'd be concerned about embarrassing "tent pitching". Again, compared to 'not breathing'...

Owen Wilson, attending the XXX: 30 Porn-Star Portraits exhibit, met porn star Sean Michaels. Polite small-talk was made, and Owen excused himself. Now, Mr. Michaels has turned to the media to get in touch with Owen, offering a set of "Ass Lickers" DVDs as a sign of friendship. Creepy, no? Sure, it's probably a publicity stunt, but the stalkerish overtones are a bit spooky.

Podcasts are the new venue for erotic stories, sex ed, and pornography -- according to the Wall Street Journal, and when something's big enough to catch their attention, it's worth keeping an eye on.

Male bisexuality is a myth -- so if you've been using it as an excuse to cover up your gayness, well, your cover is blown now, so just give in, buy a rainbow bumper sticker for your Honda, put on a pair of daisy-duke shorts, and blow-comb your hair. You've been wanting to all these years, you know.

AXE body spray has gained fame with a very likely, but unforseen, audience: early-teens. Now, this is wrong on so many levels: first, that the youths believe the TV commercials that say Axe will get them laid in a store changing room. Next, that sex-ed is so taboo that it's not available to young teens who'd be willing have sex with any woman that'll let them. Finally, that they somehow believe that spraying MORE of the stinky crap will make them even more irresistable than the commercials lead them to believe. I suppose, if anything, this will preclude sex ed: no girl would get close enough to an AXE-bathed lad to even approximate sex. (I, for one, believe women stroke their asses with frying pans made from my used bodyspray cans. It's gotta be true - I saw it on TV!)

Jet Set Lara is yet another courtesan with a blog...but, due to the manufactured fiction of others of this genre, there's a bit of disbelief in her writing. She claims 10,000-pounds for a minimum booking ($20,000 for two days?), and an Ivy-league chemical engineering background. Who can pass up a story of a sexy ladygeek getting paid more for two days than a month of full-time at mimimum wage? Her blog is found at

Japan tries to make condoms fun -- you know, because the acts that require use of a condom are unpleasant enough, why should condom wearing be as bad? Oh, I know, they're not as much fun as going without, but with HIV and pregnancy on the rise, Japan is worried. They, of course, blame the lack of condom use in pornography -- when porn stars go without, why should regular joes use 'em? They go on to say that the condom-eschewing masses believe pornography shows the correct way to have sex, because "...Japan does not have full and proper sex education for students." Hmmm....this sounds familiar...wait, what did the US do when HIV and teen pregnancy started to run wild and condom use was deemed "uncool?" Oh, yeah -- develop "abstinence only" sex ed which gives little info about sex and says condoms are useless. When the Obvious is looking the US and Japan in the face, both countries are lucky to have a prudish government that can see past the obvious.

It's almost mesmerizing: a limp female corpse plummets, bouncing off bubbles as she falls. Well, I don't know about the corpse thing, but she doesn't seem to feel much pain. Click on her with your mouse, and you can control her travel; I found flinging her off the right or left edge of the screen was very satisfying.

What's a business to do, when the obvious domain name for their business is already owned by pornographers? Buy it, of course! Sticky Fingers, a barbecue rib chain of restaurants, opted to pay $6,000 for, rather than change the name of their business, or expecting customers to use some sense and not assume that the obvious domain name will always get you what you're looking for. Did the whole "" debacle teach us nothing?

An uninvitied mom found 70 books in the school library that she considers objectional. Judy Blume's Forever is one, as well as books on homosexuality. She has "something against this explicit stuff being pandered to our children"....if, by pandering, means that the books are available to children who seek it out on their own accord and require a book to have explicit, dangerous, ininformed, and reckless sexual fantasies and activities. I'd wager, if these are books the library took even the slightest care in purchasing, that it's better children read these than getting their sex ed from their friends or cable TV.

When the school district, one with the highest teen pregnancy rate in the state, holds a meeting to get community input on sex ed materials, who shows up? No parents, that's for sure. Of course, this will be selectively forgotten when some parent decides to blame sex ed for teaching their kids how to get pregnant. One former student did attend and viewed the prospective curriculum: "I learned all types of birth control," she said. "I'm not ready to have no kids."

Bits 'n' Pieces!

In an obviously staged story, KSDK-TV gets a parent's "reaction" to the presence of sexual themes in teen books today, such as in the book Rainbow Party (watch the Video; the text is missing relevant parts, like book titles). The only smart one is the female newscaster, who reminds everyone that it's their responsibility to watch what their kids are reading, but the tone of the rest of the article is outrage that a teen book section would have books on topics that teens obsess over...namely, sex. It's also quite clear the father in the story didn't actually read the book in question, instead reading a passage bookmarked for him to get naiively outraged over. Thanks, impartial media, for explaining this controvertial topic in an unbiased and thoughtful way!

The Denver Post discusses objectification of strippers with a panel of an oft-ignored group: an actor from a stage version of "The Full Monty", and two male strippers.

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