You kids these days, believe you're the first generation to think of sticking things in your hoo-ha. China has been doing it since before Jesus. This double-ended bronze dildo was unearthed in China, made over 2000 years ago. I hope they had a method of warming it up before use, because that looks cold. Eh, or maybe Chinese lesbians like it that way, who am I to judge. But, anyhow, next time you're shopping for dildos, just remember, some lady thousands of years ago had the exact same thoughts running through her head: "is this too big? is it curved enough? how do I clean it?"

Via.

Well, fuck - after yesterday's vibe bike, I joked about having a orgasm-inducing chair, and then I found this god damned thing. It's called a Diletto, and looks like one of those dumbass ergonomic 70s chairs but instead of causing back pain it fucks you while you rock back and forth. Talk about multitasking while at your desk.

Don't piss off the guys who work in a Tractor Supply store. They hold a grudge apparently: months after an argument over an order, Tractor Supply workers wrote a message on a dildo and mailed it to the customer. After the confrontation, he was told "don't come back!", and apparently they didn't think the only way to make sure the message got across was with a fake penis. I never knew you could get a fake penis from Tractor Supply -- that makes things much simpler! Now I know what to buy next time I'm there to pick up welding rods and work gloves.

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More glass cock fun: new at Sexclectic is this cobalt blue g-spot stimulator from Don Wands. And, just look at this thing: if you decide your g-spot is stimulated enough (which nobody has ever thought before), you can turn the fucker around and use the big nobby handle to get yourself off.

What, it's Christmas and you haven't gotten your fuckbuddy gal a gift yet? I highly recommend glass sex toys. They look like art more than a dildo, but they're a surprising amount of fun. They almost feel dangerous, even though it's highly unlikely to ever break or otherwise damage her goods. They even hold heat if you do it right (but be careful, of course). Partner Sexclectic has this basic one available, or shop around for something fancier.

Usually, in my world, the Dildo of the Day is the biggest dumbass I encounter each day during my path through life, but it turns out that there's a more productive daily dildo. The Dildo of the Day Store offers daily specials on dildos, giving you a chance to buy random penis surrogates at a reasonable price. If there's one thing I've always been saying to Gracie, it's that Woot doesn't have enough rubber cocks. It's always nice when somebody fills a void. With a dildo. So to speak. Via.

This 1,800 square foot rambler comes with a new furnace, storm windows, a fenced-in yard with patio, and a well-equipped master bathroom for the discriminating cock lover:

(see link for somewhat of an explanation)

Wait-WAIT! Ladies, I think you have misread the instructions somehow. That, totally, is absolutely the wrong way to use a dildo, here, give me the instructions, because it says...oh, wait. Damn Chinese-made sex toys, the instructions do say to impale the rubber penis and grill it. Well, here, let me show you the right way - you, the one with the creepy grin, drop your panties and spread 'em!

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Just because somebody else has hooked up a dildo to a sabersaw doesn't mean it's as easy as you think - this gal found out the hard way when she was injured by a homemade saw/dildo contraption during some intimate playtime. No charges will be filed because the act was consensual (well, at least up until the 'use a power tool to make be bleed' part). So, ladies, keep in mind: if your man lurches towards your cunt you with anything plugged into the mains, always check that the idiot removed the blade first.

People are awfully imaginative -- how else would things like invisible walking dogs and every imaginable iPod accessory ever come into existence -- so you have to think that people would use that imagination on sex. Everybody likes sex, some people are disappointed in it, so of course people are going to put their noggins to improving things. Kasidie has a list of several of the strangest, from vagina bongs to sex-augmenting tampons. You'll quickly see why your corner sex shop doesn't have these in stock.via

You spend all day at thirty thousand feet, sitting backwards in the plane, jumping whenever anyone pushes that dumb button...you need some time to unwind, relax, get your g-spot tickled by a fellow stewardess, just the usual. I'd say the bright red underwear is probably the wrong choice with a white shirt...but who am I to complain?