Posts Tagged 'Mormon'

Mormon Missionary Positions!

I know I've been down on Cosmopolitan's poor sex position techniques in the past, so I suppose I better go to a more institutional source. While I can't completely support the Mormon Church - who designed their magic underwear anyway? So unsexy - I can totally get behind a couple of Mormon missionaries dryhumping each other. It has to be about as successful as regular Mormon sex, I'll bet.

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Mormons: Married Sex Is Best!

Ah, morality works best when data is cherrypicked. A large US university has done a landmark study showing that sex is better if you wait until you're married. Of course, it's one of the largest religious schools in the US, but what advantage would they have to publish such results? I know that all of my best experiences have been with somebody who's been morally fearful of doing the thing that they're doing for the first time at that moment - my dentist choices work exactly that way. "Excuse me, Mr. Dentist: have you been terrified of teeth up until only a few minutes ago? Hop on in - my cavities are ready for you!" The study, of course, only asked married people - it would be too hard to ask voluntarily single people if their best sexual experiences have been before getting married. I think what they've failed to realize is that the sex you're getting now is the best sexual experience you've ever had. The study's main point is that people who wait until marriage for sex have better relationships overall, but there's a correlation/causation problem here...when Brigham Young's Mormon Manufacturing Plant is citing studies which bolster Mormon Teachings, I doubt that a proper comparison of other possible causes, but, hey, if you're questioning your faith and need facts to reassure you, just keep doing what feels wrong, because someday, Brigham Young University promises everything will be better - just look at the data.

Mormons: Sexy Calendars Hurt!

All sorts of groups are printing naughty calendars, titillating ways to make money, and people pony up for them. Mormons, however, don't look so kindly on the practice: they have excommunicated Chad Hardy, telling him he can't graduate from Brigham Young University for 'behavior', for photographing a beefcake Mormon calendar with such amusing subjects as "Captain Moroni." Foul, the Mormon church cries, it's bad publicity, you're hurting the church! Er, I think Mormons make enough bad publicity on their own, but it's easy to punish one guy with a business than to challenge splinter sects. While he won't get his degree any time soon, business is booming: media attention to his exommunication has created demand for his calendars.