Posts Tagged 'Vodka'

Vodka Tampon: Fail!

In case you missed it, the urban legend that a vodka-soaked tampon can make a woman drunk is so totally, totally wrong. I could have told everybody that, with this quick example: let's see, men, what other mucous membranes can we try? How about, first you snort some vodka, and then we drip some in your eyes. Let's see if you stop screaming long enough for us to decide if you're drunk yet. Morons.

Bits 'n' Pieces!

Why are bony, emaciated women seen as sexy? The UK Guardian, of course, comes to the rescue with this entertaining article. Little skinny women look too much like teenage boys for my liking...what does that say about most men? I like curvy women, if only because they don't look like I'll accidentally snap them in half.

In case you're unfamiliar with her, Kari is the hot redhead from Mythbusters. She had a photoshoot for FHM (which IMHO sucked), but she's much hotter in this video from the photoshoot. Her geekiness is what makes her hot, and airbrush-plus-caked-on-makeup don't do it for me. I guess I'm more of a Scottie kind of guy -- tattoos, braid pigtails, and sexy welding skillz.

"I'd recommend to anybody working on their relationship that they should try embarking on a 16-year elaborate pornography together. I think they'll find it works wonders." Alan Moore, co-author of Lost Girls (and what seems to be every comic-based movie's source lately) talks to The Onion about pornography, sexuality in our society, and his collaborator / soon-to-be wife. He definitely seems to have his head on straight; its too bad he'll probably be made an example of by the Powers That Be due to the high-profileness of his new book.

Perversion For Profit: a 1965 anti-pornography film that covers pretty much everything that was wrong with Cold War conservatism: Homosexuality is a learned perversion; BDSM is the worst of 'em; Communism is behind it all; Murder and mayhem are caused by exposure to pornography. What the film fails to even note is that their statistics don't jibe: it was a multibillion dollar industry in the 1960s? Let's look at who's buying it. 75%-90% of all porn ends up in the hands of minors? Who gives the kids that porn, when red-blooded Americans with families supposedly aren't the porn-buyers? Alas, then as today, conservative opinions are that you can do whatever you want in your own home (inlcuding buying the nastiest of porn and making it accessible to your children), but morals should be applied to the "free market" because the government can control that. The most amusing thing, however: of the magazines they show as examples, I actually own a few. I must be on the verge of murdering local children (after giving them all my porn, of course) and joining a Communist homosexual leather fetish cult.

First mono was considered the 'kissing disease,' but a recent study shows it's now also a fucking disease. Chances of contracting mononucleosis appear higher during sexual intercourse, pushing it closer to being considered an STD.

Who are the hottest rich chicks? Pretty much every one has a recognizeable last name, most have appeared in the media regularly, so it might be an excuse for Forbes to do a Hot Unattainable Chick montage like the rumor-rag tabloids. Doesn't stop them from being hot, though. Julia Louis-Dreyfus makes the list worthwhile.

When you as your lover for sex and he rebuffs you, what do you do? Call the police, apparently. While the headline leads you to believe she did it without provocation, the horny wife didn't call until the fight with her husband reached intolerable levels. The police, however, were unable to force compliance in the husband, and left the situation as-is. I wouldn't doubt there's dom/sub relationships looking at this situation as well as porn producers looking for new storylines. "Sex Cop -- not getting any? Call the Sex Cops, who rescue fair citizens oppressed by illegal refusal of sexual advances by their spouses."

These days, it seems the only place for sex in film is porn -- or, rather, our summer blockbusters are suspiciously tame when it comes to sex, according to Film morality police have been demanding less sex and violence in their films, and I suspect that the movie industry, looking for the broadest audience possible, has been giving in. Indie film, however, is still a nice place to go for R-rated sexual entertainment, as my recent viewing of The Libertine shows.

Gizmodo has the greatest bathroom fixture EVAR. Breast-shaped soap dispensers. Man, they look like fun. I can't help but feel that the ladies should have their own, a 7" member to dispense creamy blasts of conditioner. The boobs, at least, appeal to a part of society with money: the guy who can't find a gal. Women who want a penis to squeeze in the shower don't have to try very hard.

The old wives' tale says that pornography is instrumental in all technological advances, from the VHS to web TV -- but little do you know that it's been happening from the start. The first -- and now unofficially 'standard' -- test image for digital image compression and transmission (or, in layman's terms, the way web porn gets displayed on your screen) was the 1972 Playboy centerfold -- Lenna.

Science, again behind the obvious but happily proving what we all know, has shown that womens' brains react faster and more energetic to pornography than anything else - sometimes reacting before the consiousness really gets what's going on. They initially figured women would show less, because everyone knows men watch porn more, but their assumption proved wrong.

I'm not sure if this is creepy or not....Svedka vodka is anticipating the construction of a sexy robot, a'la "I Robot", who parties like there's no tomorrow during the days of the Repornification Act. Their "flag" is equally odd -- an eagle with nude breasts? Maybe I'm not drinking enough vodka.

Kuro5hin has a how-to, crossed with a simple personal anecdote: How To Host An Orgy. Not that we'll be hosting any anytime soon, but's something worth knowing about, because knowing is half the battle.

"I'd hit that" is a euphamism for having sex with someone - and for some reason it's used in advertising to show how 'hip' the subject is without any real reason to talk about having intercourse. A while back, early in the life of "I'd hit that," it was used to great amusement in a McDonald's ad, completely missing the point, but Sony seems to know exactly what it means. Tell me, why would someone be more likely to buy Daxter because two animated squirrels talk about how much they'd like to fuck Daxter's sister? They say "I'd hit that" about the video game character's sibling nine times near the end of the commercial. Note to self: squirrel-interspecies-casual-sex sells video games.

The The Vagina Institute is a scholarly work devoted to one of man's favorite places -- I suspect that the Vagina Institute exceeds Musclecar Institute, Television Institute, and even Sleeping Institute on most guys' scales. However, they charge for subscriptions, which means they're competing with all those other websites devoted to vaginas but lack the educational slant, and education rarely 'beats out' masturbation.

An Australian has been jailed for pornographic stories involving children -- bringing up a sticky situation which, no doubt, will become more common in the antiobscenity climate that's spreading through western culture. While I'm offended by child pornography in any sense, a story (without visuals, which involve real people) is little more than a thought recorded in text. Australia isn't too different from the US in political climate, and the idea that imagining something can result in being arrested is a very disconcerting possibility.

Pornography: reaching epidemic proportions? It's another fear-based reaction to online pornography, the kind of article most publications run once in a while, but it does have some redeeming factors. Jungian psychoanalyst Jane Haynes has a rather matter-of-fact opinion, neither for or against porn, but notes that it fulfills men's roaming hormones without actually cheating, and it's often more hobbylike than obsessive/compulsive - but can be destructive when it crosses that line. The opposite arguments are more compelling than the general moral arguments, but for the most part reflect emotional problems in the viewer than anything inherently wrong with pornography itself -- harkening back to "Guns don't kill people - people do" sentiments that are lost on the opponents of pornography. Porn doesn't mess up people emotionally -- emotionally messed-up people get worse when they rely on porn instead of genuine romantic fulfillment.

German prostitutes are changing careers -- not because of moral or religious reasons (although they're being helped by a church), but more due to market fluctuation, low prices due to high supply and low demand, and asset depreciation as they reach their thirties. Prostitution is such a capitalistic venture, one wonders how America can continue to ban it without violating its personal values.