Posts Tagged 'Abstinence'

One Million Liars!

Religious types have called for an online boycott of pornography, and they're calling it the One Million Men Porn Free movement.

I tried, oh, God above, I tried to stand with my fellow man and not look at pornography, but then I realized I wasn't a fucking religious nutcase and got over myself.

As has been proven, over and over, Christians partake in a whole lot of porn. Just in terms of population percentage -- it's not like American is 80% atheist who need to clean up their act. And places where the numbers of loud Christians are highest have the highest porn usage, too. It's obvious that fear of God does little to prevent porn enjoyment.

So, what this whole movement is about is this: you, Christians! Yeah, you guys, wanking to the internet - you're making Jesus sad! So, they've made a public announcement that good Christians should step up and agree to not look at porn.

Um, because if there's one thing good Christians do now is admit that they're watching porn, huh? Why do they think that these one million men are going to not keep doing what they're doing already and just give lip service to giving up on masturbating and porn?

So, keep at it, frustrated religious leaders who fear they've lost control of their follower's penises. No worries; the porn industry has been doing awesome for decades thanks to your follower's poor self control. Getting men to claim they're giving up porn isn't going to help, because they're still doing what they've always done: they tell you the porn is gone, when it's still shoved between the mattress for a little self-abuse when Jesus isn't looking.


Abstinence Only: Fail!

What? Really? Abstinence-only sex-ed fails horribly wherever it is applied? I demand more evidence - my Jesus says that abstinence-only must work, so I require another five zillion studies from your so-called 'science' and 'logic' before I will believe you. It's not like Christians believe in a religion which includes an 'evil' character that spreads lies and misleads the faithful that would cause undue hardship to those who mistakenly do his bidding. I'm getting fucking sick of religious zealots. Your church shit doesn't fucking work, so stop pushing it on everyone. You can teach abstinence-only to your own kids, and then teach it to your grandkids when you're 36, loser. Then, go and praise God's will for sending you such a lovely life while you're stuck babysitting so your kid can take his finals. Or, on the other hand, start thinking about your choices, and teach your kids to do the same. Maybe things will turn out a bit more differently, and you can thank God for that, then.

Year Without Sex!

A journalist, in the grand gonzo tradition of self-reflective writing, gave up sex for a year and wrote about it. The first thing I thought was: fuck, she must've had a shitload of casual sex for it to have it make that huge of an impact on her life. I'm far from a prude and can't remember ever turning down sex, but I've gone more than a year sexless without some grand scheme - but, I guess, that wouldn't make for a very good book to read. "Day 340: Wait, was I somehow paying attention to my sexlessness?" Stories like hers, on one hand, make me regret my less-than-slutty life, but on the other: who'd care to read about it if it weren't some anomaly? The woman's own 1960s arty mom even told her: "You sleep with these men too soon." Lady, your problem isn't sleeping with them too soon, it's worrying about the sex first.

Abstinence-Only = Over!

After nearly a decade of government support for abstinence-only programs, the Obama administration has cut support in the new budget. It's a rough economy, you know, can't pay for every dumbass program the government has created! Most of the $300 million sex-related budget goes to programs proven to delay sexual intercourse and promote pregnancy and disease prevention, which at least accepts the fact that a huge chunk of the population is going to lose their virginity in their teens, no matter what the President has to say about it. Don't worry, overreacting parents: your church will be more than happy to fill your kids' heads with abstinence-only teachings - it'll still work as well as it ever had.