Posts Tagged 'Toys'

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50 Boob Things!

I've had several of these on this site in the past, but Manofest has done the footwork and pulled together 50 boob-themed products, enough to completely replace having a girlfriend. Frankly, if you have more than 8 of these in your home, having a girlfriend will become an unlikely experience anyway.

Free Tax-Day Toys!

Get yourself to a Babeland right away tomorrow: they're hoping to counteract tax-day stresses by handing out free vibrators. If you're already a Babeland customer, you probably have one of your own already, so do your own good deed for tax-day: get a free vibrator, and give it to someone who really needs it, like your accountant. They'll appreciate it.

Sex Toys for Men!

There are thirteen sex toys for men? I mean, at least 13? "My Expressions Live" has made a list, in case you need a more complex way to tug your tommy. The pumps, though, never work for shit; trust me.

Ice Knife!

Dude, remember when that movie had that bullet made of ice, and then they shot the president, but the ice bullet melted? Okay, the Mythbusters mythbusted that busted myth, but ThinkGeek seems to think the method has promise: make an ice-knife, and you can cut people with the anonymity of any average ice-cube! On one hand, you can't stab anyone with ice! On the other hand, Mythbusters proved that icicles could kill, so there may be something behind it. Of course, ThinkGeek does the "NOVELTY PURPOSES ONLY - not for actual murder", but when the prime suspect in next week's stabbings is Frosty the Snowman (until his body turns up in a BDSM dungeon, chained to a wall and stabbed by an ice knife, if CSI shows have taught me anything), then you'll be sorry you sold such implements of goosepimply death, ThinkGeek!

Magic Lottery Dildo!

Man, do Iowans know how to tell a story. In short: gag gift dildo abandoned on move-out, guy tries to return it but stops for car repair, realizing mechanic might think it funny to have huge dildo in car, guy goes to get cash to pay mechanic without revealing identity, BAM, buys the winning lottery ticket after stopping at gas station ATM. The Magic Lottery Dildo claims another victim. What he doesn't realize is that the curse of the Magic Lottery Dildo is that it can only be spent on hookers, or your penis falls off.

Green Condoms!

Want a green condom? Not those glow-in-the-dark ones your creepy uncle gave you for your 20th birthday: actual ecologically-sound condoms. A British condom manufac turer has looked at the sustainability of production, waste creation, and general environmental impact of condoms, and found that all that fucking you do is hurting the environment (not that the pill is any better) So, next time you wrap your dick for some fun, stop and think a little bit: is that condom really going to make the world a better place?


If your dick feels too much teeth when you're getting a hummer, you might want to invest in the Blowguard. This is a horseshoe of silicone, designed to fit over the lower teeth, to protect delicate bits from the sharp edges therein. Not content with just that, the front edge of the Blowguard has a tiny vibrator inside, to add to the experience. I'm one of those guys who doesn't cum from a blowjob, but I do love going down on my gal, and the blowguard works well for her, too, at least according to this review. I haven't got one yet, but Gracie might have to splurge a little! (via)

Do-It-Yourself Camera!

Do you like to take pictures, but feel like you're missing the visceral experience of the slave labor that built your cheap-ass camera? Superheadz has the camera for you! Looking suspiciously like every free camera given out with a magazine subscription or new checking account, the Plamodel comes on spurs like a Snap-Tite model, so you can put it together and start taking pictures. Only thirty bucks. Superheadz, as a whole, does have some awesome in their catalog, like this 35MM TLR (see also). (via)

Leave Dildos To The Pros!

Just because somebody else has hooked up a dildo to a sabersaw doesn't mean it's as easy as you think - this gal found out the hard way when she was injured by a homemade saw/dildo contraption during some intimate playtime. No charges will be filed because the act was consensual (well, at least up until the 'use a power tool to make be bleed' part). So, ladies, keep in mind: if your man lurches towards your cunt you with anything plugged into the mains, always check that the idiot removed the blade first.

Penis Enlarger: Works!

Holy crap, nobody expected this! An Italian group studied a penis enlarger, which used "dynamic rods", for a year, and found that floppy penises are actually longer after usage, without affecting erection ability. They even say that erect length is improved, but they don't say how much, which is what everyone really wants to know. It's probably to protect the delicate sensibilities of the Italian men studied, whose post-extension penis size is still smaller than mine. Sorry, Italy!

Video Games: More Sex!

Video games need more sex, says gamer columnist Ryan Lambie - not because they need to get as puerile and juvenile as the violence has gotten, but because there's such opportunity for artistic expression, much as how some violent videogames have received acclaim for their cinematic nature, there's as much opportunity for a "Last Tango In Paris" of videogames to fall into the sweaty palms of some intrigued twenty-something via Gamestop.

Tattoo Barbie: WHORE!

Mattel has released a new Barbie, complete with tattoos that can be put - and some articles emphasize this - anywhere on her body. The Totally Stylin' Tattoos Barbie has parents up in arms, because allowing kids to give Barbie a tramp-stamp is only going to turn their precious daughters into whores. Mattel tried in 1999, selling a Barbie with stickers that resembled tattoos, but those got pulled as well. Will Mattel never learn: women are only supposed to get tattoos when their bodies are ridden with sexually-transmitted diseases, their vagina visits a stranger's dick every couple hours, and they spend most waking hours drunk. It is completely irresponsible to show an attractive, self-assured woman getting a tattoo because she thinks it's beautiful. But, isn't that what most people's problem with Barbie is? Beauty is to be rejected, unless you're naturally so.

Social Media = Sex!

This may explain why social media is starting to beat sex as a search term - NetworkWorld has several reasons the two are alike, from the naughty ("Some people keep tally of their successes, no matter how superficial.") to the sappy ("Ultimately, success or failure depends upon how well you are communicating. "). I'd like to add that it's better when you include lots of leather and spankings. Wait, what?

Vagina Exercises!

Holy crap - if I knew I was fucking a woman who regularly used one of these, I'd be worried her snapping my dick off. It's a 'pelvic wall exerciser', which lets a woman go all thighmaster with her vaginal muscles, to improve her sexlife, and presumably that of her beau's as well. In that case, I suppose I'd like to be with someone who uses it...but if she can crack walnuts with her pelvic wall, some caution may be advised.

Wanking: OK Sex!

As I've said before, why skip a pot-pie lunch when you know there's steak for dinner? Masturbation isn't a problem in a healthy relationship says Dr. Gail Saltz of the Today show - well, a healthy relationship can't be harmed by jacking off, but it ain't going to help an already-damaged relationship. So, if somebody thinks wanking is a problem, figure out why first, solve that, then diddle yourself until you're raw.

Real Dolls: Hot!

"...about a dozen headless bodies hang from a rack, like Rockettes at a slaughterhouse..." No, it's not a reboot of some slasher movie; it's the Real Doll factory, as documented by Meghan Laslocky. You can't write an article about Real Dolls without getting into the creepiness of their owners, which the article has in spades; it's like the male equivalent of a cat lady -- a sign of some emotional issue, something that's benign if controlled well, but, man, don't expect to have a normal human relationship with 'em. Still, I'd like to try one out, be like the guy who calls his RealDolls "it" and acknowledges that it's masturbation, because it's the most true-to-life, like a woman with a favorite vibrator. On the other hand, a guy who keeps naked human-sized dolls under his bed isn't exactly avoiding the 'creepy' label, either. Long PDF here, short article here. (via)

Toy Guns = Police!

Police in the UK were called because somebody was wandering around brandishing firearms...and ended up besieging a cowboy-themed costume party. The party-goers have even warned the cops of their toy-gun affair, but that wasn't sufficient enough to prevent the police from checking out the partygoers for actual weapons. Luckily, nobody tried to fight back against the police with their plastic guns, or else the party would have ended very fast.

iBoobs Cancelled!

Apple, sadly, doesn't believe in true innovation - just look at this: Apple canceled this application from the iPhone app store, presumably because they really don't like to watch breasts jiggle. Come on now, who doesn't want to watch breast jiggle as they shake them around? Hell, I almost want to buy an iPhone just for this application!

Hockey Camouflage

Goalies are known for customizing their uniforms with funky patterns, airbrush art, or anything to make them look more threatening. One goalie, however, realized the folly in that plan, and designed camouflage pads - the outer surface of the pad is stitched and colored to resemble the net and the empty space behind it, so that forwards with a fraction of a second to shoot might see it as a window to a score. It seems so obvious, it sounds like it'd be successful, it doesn't require rule changes for the sport, all of which add up to a very good idea.

Porn Goes Mobile

Guess who saw business jump after people got shiny new portable devices for Christmas? Pornographers, that's who! It sorta makes me wish I could afford an iPhone - I could sit in church on Sunday pornin' myself up without anyone knowing any better. Hooray for technology! The end of the artice muses on where porn is going in the future - peepshows that are BYOB when it comes to what you're going to view: the internet cafe meets video booths. I kinda thought that's what the bathrooms in the 'free-WiFi' foodcourt at the mall was for, but I guess they could invent something classier. The future sounds wonderful!

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