Posts Tagged 'Toys'

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Lego Honeys!

Don't look now, but the Legos you knew and loved decades ago have grown up with you. Now, it's quite clear there's nothing actually "lego" about these photos - they look more like an ad for encouraging high-bandwidth pornography. They appear to be a creative advertising agency's way to build buzz about themselves; Lego will eventually disperse a press releace denouncing the ads, and some ad company will say "it was an internal project; we never intended for it to 'get out'". It doesn't even look like Legos in any way: Legos have never been 1x1 ratio when seen from the side, and there's no posts on the tops of the blocks these seminude ladies are made from. If you shrink a nude jpeg down to a few pixels wide, enlarge it, and build it out of blocks in a way to create shadows, then maybe that's what we're seeing. Legos, not so much.

Breasts Discovered!

Last week we learned that Ralph's order of 130,000 inflatable breasts went missing, and there were talks of everything from boobie pirates to inflated breast flotillas washing up on shore. Turns out, it was a paperwork mix-up: the wrong shipping container was delivered, leaving the rubber breasts waiting to be picked up at the pier.


Back in the day, lego knights had swords and bows and arrows and such, allowing for your little hand-built toys to try and kill each other; the space figures had parts that could be assembled into weapons, too. But, overall, Lego is rather pacifist with their products...that is, until BrickArms came along. Producing a custom Lego arsenal, proprietor Will Chapman sells the MOST AWESOME LEGO STUFF EVER. Dude. Little tiny Lego grenades? That so kicks the ass of anything ever made in the history of history. Chapman, however, has raised the ire of the Mus! lim community for making a terrorist minifig:

I doubt it is glorifying terrorism, like the Islamists say - I bet it's more so that the good-guy Legos have somebody to blow up. You can't have the good guys blowing each other up, can you?

Rubber Boobies Gone!

Australian lad mag Ralph had a grand plan: the January issue of the magazine would contain a pair of inflatable breasts. That plan may be sidelined: the breasts are missing - all 130,000 of them. Ralph ordered the inflatables from a Chinese manufacturer, but when the cargo container arrived, no boobies were to be found. Police have been alerted to watch for anyone having more than a couple thousand pairs of inflatable boobs for personal use.

Most Offensive Games

Start your Christmas list with these: the National Institute on the Media and the Family's worst videogames to watch out for. From what I saw they fail to directly acknowledge the fact that videogames are made for people of all ages, and that collge-aged guys (fans of blood, gore, and sex) are a huge taget audience. I'm going to help the parental fear-mongering by releasing my 2008 Report of Magazines, laden with pictures of children reading and smiling, with a top ten list of magazines to avoid starting with Playboy, Fangoria, and Hustler. It'll be a valuable service because, for crying out loud, you can't expect a parent to look at the cover or do a little checking before buying their kids somet! hing as a gift. I know, Left4Dead's "puppies and unicorns" cover really misleads consumers, but they're an anomaly.

Name An Italian Fighter

Thanks to the world wide web, some shmo in Wisconsin can nominate a potential name for a new Italian fighter. No, not some 'Rocky Balboa', although the 'Balboa' would be an excellent name for an Italian fighter jet. My vote is for "Got Its Ass Handed To It By A F/A-22", but it's too long and doesn't translate well.

Really Loves her MacBook Air

Geez, woman - I know that Mac is coming out with a new sexy laptop, but you shouldn't goo up your MacBook Air just yet. Mac masturbation needs to be done responsibly, young lady.

Bizarre Condoms

Silent Porn Star has some completely bizarre condoms on her blog -- the reservoir tip has been molded into interesting and artistic forms, which probably don't enhance sex, and they're probably not even intended for sex. They're intent on a 'what the fuck' reaction and they're going to get that in spades. Money? No, not much of that, but WTF, yes, they're going to be rich on WTF.

Gov't Grabbing Penis Rings

Take care when entering the country -- the Border Patrol is ready to firmly grab your penis ring and gently tug it away from you. This goes for all sorts of 'mechanical' penis enlargers, whether they constrict blood vessels or just prop up Mr. Johnson while doing his business. The FDA says they don't actually do what they say they will, or at least not in a safe way. Enzyte Bob's still has his passport, though.

Pussy Playground

I've got nothing against owning cats, but if you build little versions of tanks, airplanes, or fire engines for your cat and pretend that the cat gives a damn about how cool or manly it looks flying a WWII-vintage fighter, you really need to rethink your priorities in life.

Cat says, "dear god, why does my owner buy such stupid things? He could spend his money on catnip or finer catfood instead of getting this crap. I wish that he were dead, so I could feast on his corpse while I sit in my tiny, tiny aeroplane."

An Army Of 0.33 Robots

Within a dozen years, the US Army expects to be 1/3 robotic -- since this includes robotic vehicles, one wonders if today's jeep is counted in the percent of friendly fire victims, but we shouldn't expect math or statistics be the Army's strong suit. On one hand, we have the robots from Short Circuit with their shoulder-mounted laser cannon and a heart of gold. On the other hand, we have terminators who carry laser cannons and have still-beating human hearts in their non-gun-holding hands. Either! way, this could be the coolest thing ever.

Sweden: No Cock Toys

Men in Sweden, we feel for you. State-run pharmacy Apoteket has been reported to an anti-discrimination government agency, accused of sexual discrimination for not providing male-centric sex toys. Oh, women's toys? They've got them on their website's freakin' front page -- let's see Walgreen's website. Actually, they do pretty good, but, again, no male toys. What's a guy to do when he needs a fleshlight but is too embarrassed to hea! d down to his local sex shoppe? If liberal Sweden doesn't have the problem worked out, the rest of us are all in the same boat.

Rocketeer, He Ain't

A New Zealander has come up with a working "jetpack" -- which is neither backpack-sized nor actually 'jet' in the true sense -- showing off its hovering and flying ability at a Wisconsin air show. In true form, most nerds complain that it's not small enough, not powerful enough, nor Buck-Rogers enough, but I'd like to see any of them turn down a ride in the thing.

The Romano Steel Pool-Table

Pool tables are one of those furniture pieces that has a look all about it that's hard to screw up -- even a beat-up short bar table has a certain soul to it. Here's a style I've never seen before: welded and riveted metal. Watch your knees or you're liable to experience an unusual billiards-related injury.

Get Your Powerbook To The Mac Store

Cosmo has some good news for computer geeks: they say that ladies are likely to find a guy if they go take a gander at the toys coming and going from the Apple Store. "You can check your email among cuties," they say, "take a free workshop on anything from Photoshop to podcasting (a great opportunity to strike up a conversation), or just survey the, ahem, good-looking merchandise."
Not to mention that the guys who shop at the Apple Store can actually afford a Mac in the first place: picking up a guy in the computer section of Wal-Mart browsing the $499 all-in-one PC bundles is probably not the prime cut compared to a guy whose Powerbook is having battery problems. And if you're lucky enough to live near one that never closes, a guy might be lucky enough to encounter a gal trying to hook up with somebody sober at 2am. For guys like me, of course, this is a huge boon: all we need to do is scrounge up an iPod, shower and dress nice, and we might look like we're worth some one-on-one time with a Cosmo-reading babe looking for a Mac guy of her very own. Guys do need to be on their guard, though -- keep an eye out for the Mac-owning babes, not the Cosmo-reading predators. For crying out loud, if she owns a Mac and is unencumbered, she's worth your time, guys!

Christian Sex Toys!

Business is good for the Christian sex-toy store. Their tone is friendly, their website is clean and nudity-free, and it seems that they haven't gotten any/many complaints from the religious-sex-complainers. They carry a lot of what Sex~Kitten does, but it goes to show that it's all in how it is presented...items bought from a sinful shop are sinful, items bought in a Christian shop are holy.

Despite scriptural condemnation of an act, a business operating under the name of God is allowed to continue? Jesus would be proud. Being a non-Christian and all, I'm not condemning the business -- gosh, open more toy stores, people! -- but I find their religious slant questionable. It seems more to please customers than to please God, which is dubious when selling products designed to satisfy sexual lust.


I used to be a big AI freak, and not just the odd scifi movie with Osmet in it. I used to wonder about what it would take to make a bot that would be useful, not just a parlor trick.

Eliza is one of the oldest bots - I played it on a TRS-80 decades ago. This guy had the inspired idea to take the Eliza engine and turn it into a chatroom sexbot. He's kept logs of some of the 'bots conversations, ranging from people who actually succeed with the bot, dumb people who don't really understand cybersex, to people who catch on to the ruse. I suppose that the success of the bot is that it's inanely incoherent -- just like most chatrooms are.

Coolsex Back Up!

Ah -- the Coolsex people are quick! After I posted about the product, I emailed Coolsex about the bad product demo link, and they sent me a proper URL. Wanna see how this works? Go watch the video, be amused at the vector-graphic masturbation images, but learn exactly what Coolsex is for.

Coolsex 404!

I'm sad. The Coolsex promo video is 404'ed -- but I think I get the core of it. From what I can gather, Coolsex is a masturbatory aid -- step #2 in it's use is search porno on google. I'll even overlook the euro-engrish: "Advises to keep a healthy position while you practice sex via internet". My gal says I'm not allowed to touch myself like this anymore (it's not like I go more than a day or two without a fuck, so no big deal), but she's always a fan of product testing - the Europeans always get the cool new stuff, I think we Americans need a taste!

Game Vibrator!

Hoo, boy -- the Japanese make some handy accessories for their game consoles. Take this one for instance: the trance vibrator. It even lives up to it's name, as this product tester discovered.

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