Tragedy! She loved to watch porn, getting off without trouble, but then she got into a relationship. When porn and relationship crossed paths, somebody suffered. The sufferer: porn. Now, she wishes she could get back the porn enjoyment she had while single, and she only has her brain chemicals to blame. My solution? Watch porn with the boy. Those brain chemicals will reach a boiling point when the two are combined - two great tastes that taste great together!

Set your VCR's everyone: this Wednesday evening, CNBC will premiere a new documentary on everyone's favorite media industry, entitled PORN: Business of Pleasure. The show seems to think that "technology" is destroying pornography, and my guess is they're referring to the internet and its instant, free nudity impacting profits, but when CNBC continually calls the video game platform a "Play Station", they might not be as technology savvy, either. One bright point: it looks like the show is not going to have any dark expose on the poor treatment of women or the spread of disease, both of which are bugaboos meant to grossify an otherwise clean industry; the website even looks like they had a hard time finding any men to talk to - it's even got a segment on how women are taking control of the industry.

After the Mumbai terrorism event, the Indian government passed laws allowing the national computer networks to block websites that threaten the security of their grand nation. High on the list of sites to block: Savita Bhabhi, the pornographic comic strip. There must be something in the water these days over in India (see earlier today) - but I can see where they're coming from. While the Bhabhi art is excellent, the writing is rather lacking. That's downright criminal.

The Ukraine, unaware of the "internet" which can provide pornography on everything from computers to celphones, has banned all porn unless it is medicinal. Medicinal? So, if it's used like antibiotics or morphine, it's OK so long as a doctor scribbles a prescription on paper? So, dear Ukranians, get yourself to the doctor right away: prescriptions to cure blue balls, uncontrollable fantasies, and wet dreams are in order! Being a Ukranian pharmacist has never been so much fun - calculating and measuring the dosage is the awesomest part of the day. (via)

Lemondrop took a look at what men watch in porn, and figured out it's not what he wants to do, but what turns him on. Porn is the distilled id of men's arousal: you wonder why movies have moved from stories to a MTV-like cacophony of sexual positions and cumshots? That's why. It doesn't make porn more enjoyable; it makes it more masturbatorial. So, while men might not want to emulate it, that porn can be further distilled into examples of what he wants: the ingenue, to be in control, to be a voyeur, to be gay...well, that last one may be the only one that breaks a relationship, but the rest are cues for being the hottest lover ever. So, ladies, start watching your guy's porn, and take notes: hell, just watching your guy's porn might be the hottest thing ever for him, so it's a win-win no matter how you cut it.

Think your erotic writing is up to snuff? Porn screenwriting isn't for you: porn screenwriters only write the non-porn stuff, for the most part, and get paid crap. They have less to write than a regular feature film, about the same as a TV sitcom, so there's no super porn screenwriters guild full of well-paid and respected authors. The worry is, now that porn is shrinking into downloadable chunk-sized bits, who even bothers hiring a screenwriter? Soon, the regular screenwriting business is going to be flooded with talented writers fill the scripts with naughty innuendo, but stop when the story gets good and says, "the director will fill in from here." If you've seen the new Transformers movie, you'll understand that things are already underway.

As I understand it, they have these in Las Vegas as well, but over in the UK they're called "Tart Cards", and nobody frowns if they're left unattended in phone booths or other public places. The outrage: young children are collecting them and trading them like Pokemon cards! Won't somebody please think of the children! The suggestive, rarely-nude cards are bound to cause horrible, horrible things to happen to these children. Well, and any guys who actually call these escorts, but nobody's too worried about that.

Dave Cummings is a 69-year-old American porn star, and the greatest asset our fine young nation has to offer the world! I mean, think about it: when you're 69, you're going to be lucky you can even use an erection properly, let alone stick it into some big-titted porn star. Former military man, devoted father, working well into his retirement years: he's everything that constitutes a hero of this great United States of America! Unfortunately, Japan has a 70-something porn star, but they're always ahead of us in everything sexual. Damn you, Japan!

Hey, nerd, spending all day looking at porn on the computer because you don't think you can get a hot chick? Loser! Turns out, geeks and nerds have more to offer than they realize, provided they can crawl out of mom's basement and actually go out and meet a woman. And it's not like the 80s movies, where she has to be a geeky chick, too: a normal woman might like your glasses-wearing, too-short-pants-stylin' ways, too.

Let's say, you've found a nice, friendly, attractive man, who cares for you and - bonus! - he's awesome in bed. He says he's a personal trainer, but...well, here's a reason to avoid bachelorette parties: during the porn-research part of bachelorette preparations, somebody noticed that the sexy, loving fiancee was, in fact, a porn star. So, now the wedding is off; the article doesn't say exactly if it's because of the porny nature, or the lying, but I'd say the latter is the bigger deal. It could certainly have been a deal-breaker early on, but wouldn't you rather have it happen then than days before your wedding? On the other hand, in today's example of hyperbole: Haylie said: "I don't know if I will ever be able to trust a man again." . Yes, Ms. Haylie, you need to be completely on your guard, because the next man you meet might not tell you the complete truth about his life right away. The horror!

The owner of Britain's Erotic Review has shot herself in the foot by saying women are too emotional and suck at erotic writing. Wait, herself? Kate Copstick, now the owner, was once a writer for the journal, and by the transitive property thus admits she sucks. Maybe it's all a plot to eliminate a huge volume of submissions, rough-cutting a lot of crap based on an arbitrary divider, thus proving maybe she does have the chops to be a literary editor.

Bob the Angry Flower is a man - man? - after my own heart; in today's comics, he fills in some houseguests on where to find the finer amenities of his home. Nearly all of which are, of course, one form of pornography or another:

Let's say you're a young housewife, and your husband has a new job: pornographer. Think it'll be all fun and games? Duh - it's a fucking job, and it's about as exciting as filming industrial safety movies. And there's no awesome hand-severing special-effects in porn, usually.

It's probably an obvious move, given Playboy's troubles in keeping with the pack in the era of modern pornography. Hef is talking to Brit Richard Branson about selling off Playboy and its holdings to the UK millionare, which makes sense on a couple levels. First, Virgin isn't a sloppy business and has its hands in all kinds of media. Second, have you seen Richard Branson? He's all kinds of hot and dreamy, very much a modern version of the Playboy that Hef was portraying in the 1950s. There had been talks about passing the reins on to Maxim a few years back; if there's anything Playboy can benefit from, it's avoiding the lad's-mag genre.

Got low testosterone levels? Sure, there's all kinds of medications and pills that could be used to help your deficiency, but if you want a big jump in testosterone levels, there's an easy way: According to Newsweek, you should watch lots of porn. While the testosterone-boosting pills have side effects, these are more manageable: partakers of the Pornophyx Testosterone Replacement therapy may experience such side effects as: chafing, couchpotatoitis, unreasonable expectations of women, and a sinking feeling that you're watching too much porn. That last one: ignore it! You're boosting your flagging testosterone, Mr. 42-Year-Old Married Guy! Once your wife understands that, she'll stop bugging you about those strange overseas credit card payments. It's in your health's best interest.

Aw, man - my desk calendar didn't tell me yesterday was Porn Day on YouTube! Er, wait: Porn Day was a coordinated attempt to upload porn to YouTube, the kind of asshollery that doesn't make a point but causes all kinds of trouble, but that's what you can expect from eBaum and 4chan users. Don't they know that there's plenty of places online to get porn, without having to upload it yourself? They should spend more time on the internet, those 4chan users.

It seems there aren't enough men with giant cocks in the porn industry: Photoshop is the go-to- penis enlarger for those huge-cock sites you love, so you no longer need to cry yourself to sleep at night, Mr. 9 Inch, thinking you're not good enough.

Taking a gonzo tack at writing about this pornographic cultural revolution we live in, Adbusters has an article fitting for their site, full of art and style, but not saying much, on how pornography is shaping and shaped by our culture. An fun read, but about three times as long as it needs to be. Just read that 2/3 that needs to be cut; it's more interesting than the rest. (via)

The Art of Manliness has gone traitor: they dare say bad things about pornography! Their points, however, do have some weight: but they're problems with pornography, not failures of pornography itself. Porn being a filthy industry? In many ways it is today - but that's a problem with how producers run their business, not pornography itself, and could be changed without making "ah, it's nude people having sex!" be the error - there's more than a handful of porn producers who treat their female talent and characters right; they're sadly the minority, but they didn't solve it by quitting the porn industry. It objectified women and gives unreasonable expectations of sex: dude, have you watched anything Hollywood has done in the past hundred years? That's entertainment! It's not pornography's nature, it's a problem with what people want to see and how it's presented to them. It messes with your sexual pleasure and "manly" confidence? Go to a fucking counselor, Nancy, because you're doing it wrong. Blame rock music for suicides, Victorian poetry for ennui, and crime on guns, because there's a casual connection which makes it easy to lay the blame on a single source - it's the American way! All the problems come down to one thing: Looking at naked people doing naughty things is freakin' fun, but lots of people are doing it wrong. ArtofMan, despite their accusations, does tend to lay blame at the user and consumer as the one to recognize a problem and do something about it with their own behavior; too bad they didn't put enough of that into their reasons porn is a problem.

There's been a spate of pornographic satire lately, covering everything from Star Trek to Friends, but which one is going to be the target of the most rage from fans of the original? Answer: The Cosby Show, which has a whole lot of people not remembering just how crappy it is. I caught an episode in re-run, and, holy hell, it sucks on a Family Ties level, and I kinda liked Family Ties. People are remembering how awesome it was for a black family to be shown in as unnatural and contrived a situation as white people, not remembering how bad it was, and then completely forgetting that they wanted to see all the characters fucking at some point. Selective memory, indeed; at least the Star Trek fans can appreciate a good Kirk/Uhura sex sc--oh, that's in the new movie? I guess Star Trek and porn go hand-in-hand more than Bill Cosby and Jell-O do.