Andrew Sullivan of The Atlantic has exposed his deepest, darkest fantasy: watching people sneeze. Oooh, it's so naughty - but Sullivan takes it too far, and includes that video of a panda sneezing. Now he's just made things so, so very wrong: pandas aren't sexy, they're the national identity of China. Naughty The Atlantic blogger pervert.

Reason magazine has published an article describing, without much detail, about pornography in the 19th century, what people did about it, and the amount of good laws did, as told in the book Licentious Gotham. Answer: punishing sex and pornography doesn't help much, and probably makes things worse. It's sure a good thing that history rarely repeats itself, right?

"Mummy, what does it say on my sweets?" the kid asks: "It says, 'I love hummers', so just eat your caramel, kid." When you shop at a 99-cent store, you should expect something like this to happen once in a while: a load of candies got mixed up, and some marked with sexually-suggestive comments made it into the regular bags. Since it's in the UK, their 99-pence candy costs twice as much as our 99-cent candy here; your sexually-revealing candies cost twice as much as our melamine-contaminated candies - HA ha! Take a good look at the mom in the article, though: that's somebody without a sense of humor about the situation.

Do you need help distinguishing professional porn from amateur porn? The the Daily Spank has a helpful guide for you! Average-sized penis: Amateur porn. CR/LF-sized penis: professional porn. Just keep that in mind.

Oh, Internet: is there nothing you can make more amazing? Rather than just accepting that nude people are available on the internet, one place is making it even awesomer: the Ms. Nude Internet contest, which not only exhibits the nude women, but gives awards to those that are the best as being naked. So, not only can you see nudes online, but one place is making sure you see only the Greatest softcore porn available. (via)

Dr. Gail Saltz has her head on straight - Q: "Is porn bad?" A: "No, not unless you're doing it wrong." This sort of level-headedness doesn't belong in the media, Ms. Saltz - I want to know who gave you your credentials! She gives a few main harms that come from pornography, and they all have to do with guys being assholes. So, guys, if you want to keep your porn, stop being an asshole about it. Don't tell your woman her tits are too small, don't choose porn over your gal, don't expect bedroom gymnastics, and, for fuck's sake, don't post her nude pictures to MySpace, you dick. Dr. Gail Saltz with fucking come down there and kick your stupid ass.

Whether you're looking for a recession-proof income, or planning on sexting with your students, taking artistic nude photos are the right way to success. CNet Australia has a slideshow of tips and instruction on how to get yourself into the softcore porn industry - so track down some girls going wild, try not to act like a lecherous jerk, and you might just get to hang around with mostly-nude women all day. Everybody wins!

Boy, as if you needed to know anything more about the tiniest details of your favorite pornstars, somebody's kludged together a way to follow all porn-star Twitters at once. The domain is "P, or N, start weet", which I think is some reference the P/NP problem, and the sound guinea-pigs make. Awfully brainy domain for a website devoted to self-paparraziing erotic film stars. (via)

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Examiner writer Kelvin Lynch has taken a bullet for all of us: he has watched an enormous amount of porn - so we don't have to - and documented the 26 most important things he learned from the experience. The one that gives me the most optimism: Young beautiful women enjoy having sex with ugly, out-of-shape, balding, middle-aged men with pony tails. Hell yeah, 'porn star' is a career for more people than we thought!

It's so horrible when things are good for some things, and bad for others - Reason magazine has discovered two things -- first, porn is bad for the workplace, but secondly, it's good for society as a hole. Never in the history of humanity has something been good and beneficial in moderation, but bad when used inappropriately! It's fucking mind-blowing. Things were so much easier when a church or well-meaning control-freak could just point out the things that are 100% bad versus 100% good so the rest of us don't have to think about it.

What sad day is this, when people can't run two nickels together and spend it on porn? The porn market is down, but not across the board: traditional hard-copy methods, like DVDs, are getting hurt by their cheaper and more accessible relatives on the internet. On one hand, the market is correcting for a product that people don't need; on the other hand - less porn??!!? That's sad no matter how you cut it.

It's quite innocent, but it has such implications: when you're a famous sports star and a 'sex tape' surfaces that claims you're in it, you want to find out what's up. You'll maybe have to watch it to make sure it's not you, you know, see if you recognize the room, the woman, watch for clues that might tell you when it was made. You might want to stop drinking so much if, even after one viewing, you're still not sure if it's you. And, come on - after the fourth or fifth time watching what appears to be you fucking somebody, it's no longer just for informational purposes: partaking in that much self-porn might be something to discuss with your psychologist.

Sadly, Playboy's empire continues to crumble: subscriptions are down 11%, losses in the millions, and they even had to cancel their Superbowl party. There's some good news in their full press release, though: Playboy's TV ventures increased in profits, bringing in $5 million. Nobody wants Playboy to fail: where would all those photo-airbrushers and naughty cartoonists go to work at?

New York's Gov. Paterson is proposing a tax on internet download purchases, whether music or video or porn - citing that taxing 'legitimizes' the stuff, just as sales tax at adult bookstores makes those wholesome, legitimate businesses, I suppose. This comes at a time when getting people to pay for anything online is difficult, raising the price is only going to make pornographers change their model. The tax will only apply to New York pornographers, so it'll either make them uncompetitive with their out-of-state counterparts and damage their income, or it'll encourage them to make more of their content free and expand their other revenue services. I'm hoping for the latter, and I'l! l bet Peterson does, too - exercising executive power to help poor shmucks like me get more free porn? Can't complain about that!

First, we learn that the Dutch city of Leeuwarden has a municipal pornography archive - their tax-dollars at work! Next, the horror: the archive has disappeared. Somebody has run off with the government's porn, and they don't think they'll ever get it back. The Netherlands is the awesomest place in the world; too bad there are so many porn thieves.

As you may have heard, one Comcast market got to see thirty seconds of porn for free this past weekend. Rather than it being some torturous pay-channel free-preview, the pornography - to the cable company's horror - instead appeared during the Superbowl. What's Comcast going to do about it? If you were troubled by a porn star's penis, you can file a claim and get $10 for your pain and suffering. Now, if I can start getting rewarded by my cable company for seeing things that cannot be unseen, I'd be fucking rich. I'd like a $50 check for every Tyler Perry commercial I'm subjected to. Damn, that's some painful stuff.

Wait, there's cons? Another short and frills-free list article (is there anything but that on the internet?) lightly discussing the pros and cons of pornography. The only thing about the cons: they're the fault of the watcher and their using the porn to replace the real parts of their lives with something unreal. Don't blame the porn!

No, it's not an Obama slogan (although I kinda wish it would be), but The Daily Spank has an article on how amateur porn is changing everything, which further demonstrates that porn isn't about morals or objectification: it is about publishing. Those pornographers having trouble are ones falling into the same trap as magazines and newspapers: failing to recognize that amateurs now have the tools to produce product that fulfill the needs of consumers, and that the 'frilliness' of a polished, value-added product may not be what customers want.

Kelli McCarty has been moving up in the world: From her start as Miss USA 1991, to a stint on the soap-opera Passions, to her new gig: porn star. She's one of Vivid's new faces, which lends an air of respectability to counter the sure-to-come negative responses.