Posts Tagged 'Sexy'

Tooth Brushing!

The modern toothbrush was patented in 1857 - you know how I know this? I watched this educational video featuring Stella Maxwell and Dennis Klaffert getting all up in her oral hygiene. Nothing beats a good tooth-brushing by a guy with tattoos all over his knuckles.


Whipped Cream Gal!

One of my first posts on this blog was about her, she's in my "Sex Sells" icon and on the 404 page - oh, and she's on one of the most-printed album cover ever. Dolores Erickson was a young model, pregnant and looking for work, when she agreed to pose for the album cover. Years later, millions of guys my age remember her as the cause of our nascent erections, trying to catch a glimpse of the album cover when mom and dad weren't looking. And, dare I say it, she's still sexy as hell, but them I'm a lot older now, too.


Bea Arthur: Grunt!

Although the gruff-voiced, burly, tall woman had the demeanor of a drill sergeant during the Golden Girls years, it turns out Bea Arthur was a fucking Marine during WWII. And, according to the Smoking Gun's files, she was a stone-cold fox, too. Yeah, who hasn't masturbated to a Maude Nick-At-Nite marathon, but according to her USMC files, she was sexy, she liked to shoot guns, she was a god-damned truck driver, so if you didn't know by now, NOBODY FUCKS WITH BEA ARTHUR. It's too bad that women were relegated to the behind-the-scenes work in the military at that time, because I'll bet you could airdrop Bea Arthur behind enemy lines with nothing but a tommygun, five grenades, a pack of toothpicks, three pieces of chewing gum, and a map to Hitler's home, and WWII would have been over in the time it would take for Bea to steal a Panzer tank. Which is about fifteen minutes by my calculation, slowed only by the tensile strength of German armor of the time. Her Marine superiors thought she was "over-agressive" and "argumentative", but then they never saw her rip a guy's lungs out through his ribs simply for stealing her parking spot. Rumor has it that Bea was scheduled to command during the Bay of Pigs invasion, but Sid Caesar wouldn't give her time off, that bastard. Sid shit on the entire Cold War, which is why he was blacklisted well into the 21st century. Bea Arthur: hero of democracy. Oh, and she was damn sexy back in the day.

More from this gallery >>

Geeks: Four Reasons!

Hey, nerd, spending all day looking at porn on the computer because you don't think you can get a hot chick? Loser! Turns out, geeks and nerds have more to offer than they realize, provided they can crawl out of mom's basement and actually go out and meet a woman. And it's not like the 80s movies, where she has to be a geeky chick, too: a normal woman might like your glasses-wearing, too-short-pants-stylin' ways, too.

Cars: Not Sexy!

If you think your 1972 Ford F-100 with the mismatching-colored tailgate is hurting your sex appeal, you're absolutely wrong. While women might find a particular car sexy, that car's sexiness doesn't necessarily rub off on the driver. Top Gear Australia did find that some guys saw slight improvement, but I'd call their findings inconsequential: it has more to do with how attractive the guys is in the first place. Anything is an improvement if you dress for shit or never learned to brush your hair.

Humpable Sinks!

Now, I'm all for fucking housewares (btw, don't drink out of any of the Star Wars glasses in my cupboard), but these look a little too public to use to get off. Maybe Kohler will start selling them for in-house installation or something - then I can multitask while I'm washing my Star Wars glasses:


Asian Hand Crap!

You know how hot Asian chicks are always doing wierd shit with their hands in photos? It apparently has some sort of meaning, at least according to I still don't completely get it, but the site has a shitload of pictures of really cute asian chicks (brought to you, of course, by really cute asians dot net) doing the various hand gestures, so it isn't all that bad. I'd do a "via", but I've seen this link on like a dozen sites in the past three days, so fuck you all, I'm stealing, and so are you.

Busted Tees Hotties!

Manofest did the unthinkable: they gallerized the hottest chicks from Busted Tees, one of those 'ironically funny pop-culture reference t-shirts' that mildly annoy me, even though I own a few. The only downside: now it looks like you're looking at a porn gallery of women, so when you're masturbating at the computer, your excuse can't be, "no, baby, I'm just shopping for a t-shirt which includes elements from both vintage Nintendo and 1990s movie catch-phrases."

Cars Get You Laid!

Want to know what car will best get you into a woman's panties? the Wales Institute did some research over in the U.K. and found that chicks dig expensive wheels, so Zoo Magazine dug deeper to find out, specifically, which motor vehicle works the best to induce fucking. The slideshow of results, sadly, are mostly European vehicles. Don't worry, fellow Americans: over there, you have a sexy foreign accent, which will get you into the panties of British chicks faster than driving around some Ford. Speaking of which, the Ford Focus is #9 on their list, which shows just how bad European cars are.

Pussy Belongs To Daddy!

In the catalog of "Records CR/LF Wishes He Owned" is this one - "My Pussy Belongs To Daddy," a treatise on pet ownership, combined with a number of other songs with strangely sexy titles. The cover doesn't give you that impression, does it?

Listen to the title song >>

Funny = Sexy!

Guys, buy that lewd knock-knock joke book you've been looking at: women believe that men who have a sense of humor are sexier, which is why I'm no longer allowed to tell jokes at the front desk at work anymore. We've had to fire too many secretaries for lusting after my funny ass. Including my mom.

Boobies And Linux's Tux

You might argue that linux geeks aren't hot, but you'd be wrong -- sure, like a cross-section of society, some of us are a little funny-looking, but you have to check out the high end of the bell curve: we've got some hotness hiding in our ranks: