Let's say, you've found a nice, friendly, attractive man, who cares for you and - bonus! - he's awesome in bed. He says he's a personal trainer, but...well, here's a reason to avoid bachelorette parties: during the porn-research part of bachelorette preparations, somebody noticed that the sexy, loving fiancee was, in fact, a porn star. So, now the wedding is off; the article doesn't say exactly if it's because of the porny nature, or the lying, but I'd say the latter is the bigger deal. It could certainly have been a deal-breaker early on, but wouldn't you rather have it happen then than days before your wedding? On the other hand, in today's example of hyperbole: Haylie said: "I don't know if I will ever be able to trust a man again." . Yes, Ms. Haylie, you need to be completely on your guard, because the next man you meet might not tell you the complete truth about his life right away. The horror!

In a scientific and educational study, British researchers have found that Yorkshire women have the biggest tits. Londoners, however, have the smallest, so when you go you England to get laid (who doesn't?) don't stick in the city: go find a busty rural lass, show her some attention, because the article says "nearly four in ten believe their bigger busts make it harder to find a partner". Over here in the U.S., those same "4 in 10 think that bigger breasts make it STOP STARING AT THEM, MORON".

A new children's book has been released: More Sexual Secrets in the Life of Paddy Pantsdown, a sequel to "Sexual Secrets in the Life of Paddy Pantsdown," which earned a Peabody and the Caldecott Medal in 1991. In this story, which builds on the previous book's story of Pantsdown's affair with his secretary, we learn more of Pantsdown's earlier sexcapades. In the new book, rapscallion Pantsdown finds he needs help with his mathematics homework, and gets sent to a tutor. Using color illustrations and a limited vocabulary on par with Dr. Seuss, the story of Paddy Pantsdown recalls how the tutor initiated a sexual relationship with Pantsdown, thus proving that UK newspapers are fucking twee when it comes to cute headlines and nicknames for scandalous politicians, and when somebody who was in a scandal nearly twenty years ago writes a biography, only the sex parts of the book are worth writing about.

...or, rather, that's their worry. British censors are worried that, if they were alone during their porn viewings, they'd be more likely to get aroused and distracted from their jobs. Until lately, they've always watched porn in a group, but the rough economy might mean censors having to view Teen Ass Cum Sluts XXIV all on their lonesome. If I were a censor, I'd agree - I'd like to have somebody with when porning it up. Oh, no, they wouldn't be another censor, but she'd appreciate the film anyway, if you know what I mean.