Lady Gaga, everybody's favorite Jem and the Holograms villain, has come out with a signature perfume that reportedly carries the scent of blood and semen, or, in Gaga's own words, smells like Paris Hilton's career. Seriously, it's a little too close to the smell of gay sex, which might appeal to to the noses of some men, but is otherwise not the kind of thing for a gal to wear to the club. By 11pm, most bars smell like that anyway.

The website is pretty clear to say "DON'T PUT THIS SHIT ON YOURSELVES, WOMEN," which makes me a bit queasy to think about a bottled scent imitating a woman's vagina. With it's comfortable "roll-on applicator", where the hell are you supposed to put this slightly yellow *shudder* substance? On your penis? On the cat? Around your tomato plants to keep the rabbits away? Maybe somebody just wanted to get some use out of their witty "smellmeand.com" domain, or maybe it's all a ploy to get people to put their vagina-logo wallpaper on their PCs, thereby helping identify douches. The male kind, not the kind designed to counteract this product.