It's that time of year, when people start putting out calendars all fulla boobs. The website, Shriiimp, which is now totally in my bookmarks, is devoted to bodypainting urban-styled imagery onto naked women. This year they've put out a 2012 calendar, so you can say, "sorry, honey, I need to know what day it is - the calendar stays!" But, I'm thinking your wifey might like it, too, since it's all arty and body paint. You can only kinda see nipples if you really try.

Yes, people, you've heard the rumours of Lady Gaga's manliness, but those boobs are pure woman right there. Vanity Fair has Gaga nude, with a retired musician standing by to provide song if necessary. My only complaint: eat a goddam sandwich, Gaga - your ribs are fucking scary.

Via.

Sorry, I know you were hoping, but this isn't that shitty Simpsons erotica that apparently is the only thing adult sites advertise these days. I see those ads everywhere. No, this is an actual real artist who has painted Homer Simpson in some R-rated shenanigans with somebody who isn't from the Simpson's universe. Think about it: a somewhat normal looking person must look like an alien to those overbite-plagued, yellow-skinned wierdos. Add stilletto heels, stockings, and sunglasses, and it makes you wonder what Homer really sees in her. It borders on creepy. Even more when you realize that's probably Anna Wintour. Still not as creepy as most Simpsons porn, but still.

Source, Via.

So, the guy in the photo below gets his hair did, which looks to some like George Washington bedhead, but to others like a women's hairstyle. This photo has, however, confused the penises of booksellers and magazine stands, who want the cover covered-up for being too sexy. The problem isn't that guy's bony torso, but that our fucked-up culture has made tiny-breasted bony torsos a major feature of sexy women. If we didn't keep paying bony chicks to take their clothes off, this wouldn't be a problem at all.

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Although these are gorgeous, I don't think they can be used for their normal purpose. All you're asking for are porcelain shards to be driven into your hand. Unless you're punching kittens, because then you wouldn't be hitting so hard, because, really, who would punch a kitten as hard as they could? Nobody, that's who.

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I hate tennis shoe bloggers. There's a zillion of them, and their posts fill up my RSS reader because fashion bloggers love a constant stream of clothes shit. As a proper gentleman, I have three pairs of footwear: steel-toed Thinsulate boots for work, a nice pair of dress shoes, and my Converse All Stars. So, it entertains me to no end that there's a guy who shreds all those fancy-shmancy trainers and makes freaky shit out of their parts. Way to go, Mr. Repurposed Materials Artist!

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Pornstar Kylie Ireland has taken up graffiti art under the moniker "DeeKay", in addition to her photography of vintage hotels and graffiti photography for for BombedOutLA. Being a pornstar, meh, but a pornstar redhead photographer and street artist? Awesomest stranger on the internet fucking ever.

Nah, not a facial from one of the Banana Splits, although I'm sure there's fetish sites out there for that sort of thing. Below is the artwork "Exterior Gloss" by the artist INSA. Insa apparently likes boobs a whole lot, and I can't blame him. His upcoming show in San Francisco says his work "revels in lurid excess, embracing the insatiability of consumerism and highlighting the duplicity of morality and enjoyment," a concept which could be found at innumerable nearby stripclubs as well. At least in a gallery, you put on a tie and people think you're all artsy and shit.

And for $4500, you can actually buy Exterior Gloss.

The Philadelphia Tattoo Arts Convention was last week, and the Village Voice was there with a camera. I'm a little annoyed, in that few of the photos had anything to do with tattoos. I mean, how many photos of naked oil-wrestling bowling what-the-fuck does an alt-weekly need to put on their website? Positive, though: lots of tits. Negative: BDSM flesh-hook suspension.

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Sailor Jerry is a legendary tattoo artist, and there's a book out now. I've never heard of him, but there's apparently movie, and a store with a website that sells Sailor Jerry booze, and a wikipedia page, and who the fuck knows what else, so I suspect I'm supposed to know him as an Ed Hardy who could kick Ed Hardy's ass with both arms tied behind his back. As you may have noticed, I'm a fan of tattoos, but cutting through all the marketing crap sucks; it looks like, if I want to see tattoos, the book's the place to find it.

Kael Lagerfeld's talents have been put to good use on the most naughty of promotional productions, the Pirelli tire company's catalog. The theme is mythology, and I guess that pretty much involves making women take their clothes off in front of a black background and photographing them. Oh, well, who am I to complain?

There's a making-of video here.

She's no model, not a porn star, but she jumped through that hoop and posed naked for everyone to see. Four of them arranged to pose naked for an artistic photo shoot. Unfortunately, it's as dogs playing poker, but she wants everyone to remember, as one of the kids would say, "it's okay, Mom; it's just boobies."

Now this is a mailing list I'd like to get on - Hustler magazine sends out awesome nicely-illustrated Christmas cards every year, and someone from Mother Jones who moonlights as a Hustler writer wanted to share. The reindeer-and-boobs one totally needs to be made into a wallpaper border for my bathroom. See also Hustler's defusing of arbitration bullshit.

I'm not sure if this qualifies as actual "body art" - I think it's some sort of skin-tight surface - but dear god it's awesome, and I think the only way to really tell what it is would be to run my fingers over it for a while. This babe is supposedly in some new unknown indie flick called "Twilight" or something - it can't be that vampire movie, because she looks far less gothy and drugged out than that woman who's in all the ads. Anyhow, there's video, too, and if you're not content to just look on the internet, these are supposed to be coming out in the SI swimsuit issue next month, for convenient 'in the bathroom' reviewing of the photos.

Sure, she's the hottest mildly-discontended babe in art, but the Mona Lisa's doctor is telling her to cut out the Cheetos and eat more broccoli. High cholesterol is the diagnosis of an art critic who specializes in cardiovascular illnesses of the canvas, no doubt a career rife with profit, so long as you make wild accusations that make it into the news. On the other hand, I bet she's smiling because there's a pork chop just off the edge of the image. She looks like she loves her pork chops. Too bad, though: today, the woman who posed for the Mona Lisa is now dead. Kinda makes you look at life and be glad you're still alive, doesn't it?

The rise you get from looking at a classical nude piece of art is supposed to be pure, virginal love of art, right? Fuck that, it's OK to get a hard-on while taking in some naked marble beauty. Calling it art helps get away with the opportunity to see nudity; our artistic forefathers knew exactly what they were doing, and that makes them the greatest people in the history of civilization. This boosts my hopes that my nearly-complete Hustler collection will get my descendants big bucks at the fine art auctions in the year 2300.

Scotland won't fund the public display of several paintings, so the private sector has to pony up. To raise the funds, models and actresses - including beauty Kim Catrall - pose for tasteful renditions of classical art, and the money raised through the sale funds the museum. I can't think of a better way for boobs and art to come together. And, yes, that link includes the NSFW photos of the nude babes.

I've been slowly accumulating links to sexy calendars, but COED magazine has compiled a good list on their own, including hot photos - that Keeley Hazell bubble bath photo gets me riled up, you know - with enough calendars to cover every wall, including your cubicle at work, with a different hottie every month. Here's two more that I got emailed to me, which are artiser: Mishka NYC with photos by Ellen Stagg, and a Eastern European Beauties swimsuit calendar.

There's a book out called Hammer Glamour, a coffeetable book with busty photos of the busty babes of busty horror movies by Hammer Busty. Er, Hammer Studios. Anyhow, the book doesn't lack in boobs, but reviews say it isn't comprehensive, so if you want a encyclopedia of Hammer performers, this ain't it, but the photos make up the difference.

Not only am I a sucker for babe calendars, I love body paint - here's a military-themed set of hot babes painted up for Veteran's Day. Quality varies, but the full uniform ones are hot as all fuck.