I thought I was doing it right, but a six-pack of Coor's doesn't count - this guy claims to have solved the six-pack problem -- 20 ounces of lean meat, 16 ounces of eggs, rice, potatoes, and veggies to get a six-pack. Oh, and 150 crunches a day - I think you could get a six-pack doing 150 crunches a day while eating a Big-Mac-Whopper-Onion-Ring-Milkshake; exercise is always the most necessary part. But don't listen to me; my waist has gone up 4 inches in the past 5 years.

From an ad in Maxim for kikidm.com > >

I missed this a couple weeks ago: after having a drunken one-night stand, a guy woke up to find that the woman left more than just emotional scars. His temporary lover had carved his skin, leaving a star on his back, along with smaller marks on his arms. The thought, "I'm going to slice up my sleeping partner" doesn't generally go through my head, let alone after sex, but then I'm also not getting really drunk and having one-night stands while during my blackout stupor. She claims he asked her to do it, which I think is more likely than the courts thought; he's lucky his drunken mind didn't make him say, "why not just cut off my balls and blend them into a frappe". ! There's always next weekend for the newly-tattooed guy, I guess.

Everyone with a stubby mohawk needs one of these - a replica of the Taxi Driver military jacket. It's sorta like "V is for Vendetta", but without the high-minded anarchy:



(via)

It looks uncomfortable, it is likely to cause a 'wardrobe malfunction', it draws a lot of attention to the tits -- and it's the most amazing invention ever. Pretend you're Janet Jackson on Rolling Stone with these hand bras.

The largest breast augmentation surgery ever has just succeeded in giving Sheyla Hershey a pair of 38KKK breasts. I'm surprised they make implants that big; I imagine the doctor cramming whatever he has at hand into a garbage bag - "toss me a couple more scrubs, and that bag of paper towels...she's just not big enough yet!" According to her website, she still plans to go bigger towards the end of the year. God have mercy on us all.

According to Cosmo, if you're wearing a team jersey to a Super Bowl party, and are standing next to a guy with the same team on his shirt, it means you want to pick him up. Dude, guys should be reading Cosmo more often so we can catch on to these surreptitious hints at sexual interest - it should be obvious that's the only reason why a woman at a Super Bowl party is wearing a jersey and standing around...she wants to get in your pants. A football fan who's also a woman? That's just way too contrived to believe it's anything but an attempt to hook-up!

Wired has produced a nice graph, showing the disparity between real body shapes and the ones seen in porn. Back in 1954, regular women were skinnier, and playmates were curvier...but over the decades, those two lines have diverged in such a way that I predict a new species will be described to identify these strange, bony, busty women who men so strangely lust after, despite their resemblance, from the back, to be a young boy.

You want to look your best for the inauguration, right? Get out that wallet and head over to the official Rock The Vote Cafe Press store and pick up a limited edition T-Shirt to celebrate. The style is an excellent mix of vintage Rolling Stone style with some street-art-graffiti elements - far better than the ultra-modern and branded-and-cultured Obama logo stuff that most people are wearing. And, since there aren't going to be a zillion of them around, in a couple years it'll look like that concert t-shirt that you've been wearing forever and is about to fall apart: (via)

Er, I mean they have better fucks than anyone else, not that they "better fuck" or else...According to OK! Magazine, brunettes are more successful in all parts of their life than any other haircolor, and that happily translates to their sex life as well. That means, sadly, redheads fall behind, much to most men's chagrin.

Just a quick quote from someone speaking on the pressure for women to deny themselves recovery after childbirth. It is seen as "part of the same cultural phenomena that says the ideal woman should have the body of an elegant 14-year-old boy plus breasts" - which is the most succinct and accurate description of modern womens' fashion I've ever heard in a long time. Some of those female 14-year-old-boy bodies even give up on the 'breast' part...all of which saddens me. Refer back to this: Size 8 chicks are hardly a teen boy in body size, but they still feel bad abou! t their shape. Come on, fashion world: start showing those sexy size 8s that they're what's beautiful, not some bony, gangly, ephebophiliac body-shapes.

Papau New Guinea has a problem with the traditional attire of their older residents: nothing but a long gourd over their penis, which grants the men magical powers of invisibility (or so I imagine). Invisibility hasn't worked when it comes to religious influence: the Christians started discouraging it, but the Muslims are even more interested in chaste dress, thus making the gourd fructus non gratis.

Alfred Shaheen was one of the world's most influential fashion designers: by using floral and tropical patterns with collared dress-shirts, Shaheen turned Hawaii into a fashion style. His "hawaiian shirts" are now a part of our culture, but sadly Shaheen isn't any more: he passed away just before Christmas at age 86.

Looking for some 'real' hairstyles, as opposed to the fashion styles in the old magazines? Try vintage mugshots, or old ID cards, and you'll have that "I'm just going in to work, who gives a shit" look that, well, if you've seen Russell Brand lately, is the way fashion hairstyles are going.

If you're like me and asked for pants for Christmas, one size up from the pants you asked for last year, you need to get yourself on a diet, fatty! Just a Guy Thing has the best diets for men, saying high fiber and low carb diets are most successful. Oh, and decreasing caloric intake may have something to do with it, so this doesn't mean passing on rolls and mashed potatoes in order to double-up on glazed ham this Thursday, Mr. Waistline.

Burger King has crossed the line into fashion scents, competing with the likes of Axe, by creating a flame-broiled body spray called "Flame". Because it is expected to only encourage attacks by man-eating tigers and lions, you should probably not wear it while on safari. I also question its attractiveness to women; associating sexual desire with hunger is a very old metaphor, so it might just work. I haven't seen it in any stores, but it appears to be available in the U.S.; their flash-based website didn't work for me, though.

Women, struck by the financial downturn, are finding that they can't make trips for their beauty treatments as often as before. The result: hairier pussies. Not that I'm complaining: while every model on this website seems to shave everything, a completely-bare crotch just looks like a twelve-year-old, and I am sooo not turned on by that, and thus I need some hair down there. Somewhere in the middle is nice; that 1/2-inch wide strip just doesn't look that great either.

Police in Boulder, CO, would like you to know that they have your underwear - see, here's a picture - and you should call them to claim it. Be prepared to provide proof that it's your underwear, because they may be ready to arrest you as another naughty panty-obsessed freak like the guy who stole them in the first place if you're just trying to get some stranger's panties for your own sick, twisted fantasies. So, the police are hoping you can provide photos of yourself, in varying positions and locales, wearing said underwear. Heck, on second thought, it could b! e in any underwear, just to prove that you've worn underwear in the past. Lots of pictures, please. Thank you for your cooperation.

My current glasses are the near-invisible kind, but I've been told that the lenses can't be any thicker. If my eyes continue to deteriorate and I have to get some new glasses, these are the style of frames I'll be getting. Malcolm X wore them, my grandpa wore them, and the cheerleader's fake-dad on Heroes wears them. What's more badass than those three dudes? The ones below are on the high end of the market, but have a nice style to them, balancing the weight of the black with the lightness of the wire under-rim, from Dita Legends:

Look for "Pee-Wee Herman Meets Malcolm X" to be a new fashion buzzphrase. Somehow, Malcolm X represents nerdiness, mostly because he wore nice suits and dark-rimmed glasses, but that was the custom at the time - today, if you do it, somehow you're seen as intelligensia if you wear suits with ties and dark- or horn-rimmed glasses...because you're a hot nerd! You look smart! You read books when nobody is looking! The only people who will benefit from this are the genuine nerds, who are more likely to be mistaken for hipsters, rather than the other way around.