Posts Tagged 'Fashion'

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Axe = DEAD

Obey those warnings on that 'stink can' you spray yourself with five times a day, Mr. Stinky Axewipe - you could just end up dead like this young lad. A possible heart defect and an overly small bathroom contributed to his demise, which means Unilever isn't going to get sued, but it should be a stern warning for dumb, smelly teens: Axe is gonna do you in.

Stinky Feet? Copper Socks!

This looks like the solution for my summer foot 'issues': some inventive Brazilians have locked on to the fact that copper has antibacterial effects, and are starting to put it everywhere that icky stuff grows, like socks for example. I've been poked by the fine wires in my stereo cables, and weaving that stuff into my socks sounds like a torturous footwear event waiting to happen, but, hey, if it helps against athlete's foot, I'd like to try it.

Sweden: Cross Dressing OK!

Sweden is still leading the world in taking sex fetishes off their lists of mental diseases. This time: cross-dressing is no longer considered a mental illness, which means they'll finally release RuPaul from her padded cell in Stockholm. Poor, poor RuPaul, caught up in a world of Swedish cross-dressing that she couldn't escape from.

Hot: Union Suits

You know what's really fucking hot? Women in long underwear. Take, for instance, the union suit: form-fitting, shaping and smoothing, and with an ever-handy 'doggy-style' flap in the back. Add in some cute, feminine art, and you've got the hottest thing on the internet:
And, yes, I'd fuck that mannequin in a heartbeat. Via.

Red: Get The Guy

That 'little red dress' fetish might not be all in your head. Red, as far as colors go, makes men more receptive to a woman. I'd like to think it's why there's such a predominance of redheads on this website, too. Now, that Sesame Street Elmo costume you wear might help a little, but, sorry, it'll primarily only work on other furries.

Too Ugly To Work

Here's a warning: if you're too ugly, you're going to be unemployed, even if it's not your fault. You deliberately ugly people, with your sharpied-eyebrows and bad goatees, you've got no excuse, so pull up your pants and cover your embarassing tattoos, and you might not have so much to complain about: at least you're not the guy in the article, who's ugly and can't help it!

Free Tattoo Canvas

Marcos Paiz is going to learn the hard way that you get what you pay for. The dude is offering up his body as a tattoo practice canvas, in hopes of getting his torso covered completely by tattoos. Now, I've seen tattooists at work, and ones who produce even passably mediocre tattoos are practicing all day long on other customers. Mr. Paiz is going to be sorely disappointed when he permanently looks like crap and catches Hepatitis B from a amateur tattooist who can't get a gig any other way but to ink some loser who put an ad in the paper for free tattoos.

Strippers Win Fashion Week

If you want to present your pret-a-porter fashions in an exotic, sensual way, you pick exotic, sensual presenters. Step 1: Call up all the strippers you can find, and fit them in your Fashion Week naughties. Step 2: Get a cut of all the dollars stuffed in your models' garters. (duh) Step 3: Profit! - especially when Reuters writes a whole article about you. Who knew strippers could be a valuable advertising medium?

Regulating Padding Bras

The argument is that your stuffed animals are regulated, mattresses and pillows are controlled, and chair stuffing has legal restrictions, but padded bras fly under the radar. Most 'hygenic' padded objects require only new materials be used in the manufacturing, but your boobie ballast might be shredded hotel blankets. The industry, of course, thinks the limitations are crazy because so little padding is used, but if they cared about breasts as much as I do, they'd understand just how fucking important it is to be nice to a lady's tits.

Brands In Porn

Chuck Taylor sneakers from Converse are becoming a required uniform in alternative pornography because of their artsy cred. I know that I wear my Converse All-Stars whenever I watch porn, so there may be something to this connection.

Baby-Smelling Dudes

Come on now, guys, the baby powder scented deodorant is for the WOMEN. I know, they don't have very good dividing lines in the deodorant aisle at Wal-Mart, but you should be able to tell by smell. Guys who deliberately pick the powder-scent are thinking it makes them attractive to the ladies, but you're just going to confuse them, like those jellybeans that taste like buttered popcorn. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

Porsche's Sleek Kitchen

Dan Neil of the LA Times gets cute with his description of the Porsche Design Kitchen P'7340. Neil says is a 'Man's Kitchen', even though the Porsche/Poggenpohl website says nothing of the sort, so we'll have to take his word for it. The kitchen itself is only innovative in its use of electronically controlled cabinet doors, which, if you've ever cooked in a kitchen, would probably be a pain in the ass if your hands are covered in raw chicken juice and all you need is a different knife.
As with! any 'concept car', there's always a degree of impracticality to show off the neat stuff designers come up with. The rest of the kitchen's features, however, are high-end appliances, which any cook would enjoy. Still, as for calling it a man's kitchen? It reeks of 80's modernism-minimalism, which really doesn't appeal to me (what do you expect from Porche?), but I don't see anything that would set this apart from any other high-end kitchen. If the general assumption is that men are neanderthals who can barely prepare ramen for themselves, the complexity of the appliances would betray that look. Maybe the lack of obvious appliances is supposed to satisfy some need for men to have an unnoticeable kitchen. Oh, yeah, and as Neil points out, it has a TV, which appeals to both "straight or gay" people, because it's a known fact that who you fuck affects yo! ur appliance purchases. Stay classy, Neil.

Manly Chairs

I love shipping pallets; so much raw wood that gets character from whatever was shipped. If I had more balls, I'd start stealing them from places along the road on my way to work, if they sit there more than a week or so. Some people have come up with plans for how to recycle shipping pallet wood into useable furniture, like chairs and tables. I hope they sanded well, though; it's asking for a splinter in the ass.

Greatest Bra Ever

Dita Von Teese has come up with an invention men have wanted for centuries: quick-release lingerie. No word on if it comes with a "BOI-OI-OI-OING" sound effect when used.

Butt Pads: Oh Good Lord

While I can understand people who need them for medical reasons, men are getting padded undies so they look like they have an ass, for cosmetic reasons. Guys, first of all: if a woman rejects you because she looked at everything else and was accepting, but then got to your ass and went, woah, damn, dude, do something about it, she was a jerk to begin with. Would women put up with a guy who continually reminds her how small her tits are, and would prefer looking at a padded bra over touching the actual small breasts? Self esteem is the recommendation for gals worried about size, so, guys, get over yourselves and get some self esteem before you start stuffing your ass. Wait, that s! ounded wrong, but I think you get my drift. Waitasec -- "We're developing a pec-pad shirt right now," Timlock says. "It's a sleeveless V-neck T-shirt. Pockets on each side, where your pecs are, that the pads fit into..." Jesus Christ guys, go to the freakin' gym or do push-ups every morning if it's that bad.

Dudes Removing Hair: LAME

According to a press release (which are entirely factual, of course) Laser hair removal is apparently quite popular among men these days, because a slick-as-a-salamander man is oh so sexy. While I agree that the wookie-look is to be avoided, men are supposed to have discrete hair on their arms and chests, 5-o'clock shadow sometime mid-afternoon, and a van dyke if they so choose. Near-permanent hair removal is not the way to go, guys; when women realize that you look creepy, you won't be able to go back to your current fuzzy sexiness.

Trophy Ring: For Idiots

The Trophy Ring is a gold ring with a silver outside, so when you cut it, the 'gouge' shows through. What sort of things can you count by the marks? How about: how many times you want your guy friends to think you've gotten laid? Or, what about: how many times you've been asked by a woman what the ring means, blushed, and then lied because you're afraid it'll turn her off?

Guys, the attitude that showing off that you sleep around doesn't make you sexy. Oh, by all means, get laid as much as possible, but if you think that broadcasting it will make the difference between getting laid and not getting laid, you've made a terrible mistake of logic. "No, really, babe, the ring shows how I've slept with six women then neglected to call them back because I was devoting my time to sleeping with other women," might fly with stupid women, but, come on, if that's the problem then, again, you're doing it wrong. Being charming and attractive goes a long ways, and trying to reassure yourself that you can get laid by wearing a stupid ring demonstrates your lack of charm and wit.

Voluntary Sexworker - OK!

This year's AIDS conference in Mexico learned something that would make a Conservative's head asplode: there are sex workers who are perfectly happy and voluntarily doing what they do. "The idea is that we are all doe-eyed victims of human trafficking who need rescuing, but for many of us that is so far from the truth," said an Asian sex worker from the US. "We just want to be recognised as workers like any other." But...but, she was forced to do that, right? Only through violence and drugs would any woman be manipulated into making money through sex, right? All this! narrow-mindedness about prostitution is missing the boat, and it's no wonder efforts to 'help' aren't as successful as they should be.

Pantyhose, Guys?

OK, this is proof that the story is batshit insane: their first assumption is to blame Batman for a perceived increase in men's pantyhose wearing. BATMAN?!? It's a good thing for the journalist that Batman is a good guy, or she'd have to get herself an armed escort (not that it'd help against Batman, anyway). OK, back to pantyhose: there's talk, it seems, that more men are wearing pantyhose than ever before, although the article doesn't explain why or how they reached the conclusion, other than the writer overheard something about male pantyhose and went, "no fucking way, really? Thursday deadline, I've got you done on Tuesday!" While I don't o! bject to it in principle, for personal reasons unrelated to fashion; however, as a fashion statement: Men, don't do it. In the words of a fashion editor: "It's metrosexuality gone stark raving mad."

Kilting The Mailman

US postal carriers have a pretty standard uniform, although individuals can request particulars for their special needs -- like this 'special needs' guy who wants to wear a kilt to be part of the standard uniform. I'll note that female postal carriers have pants, shorts, and skirt as an option, but guys don't...I may have to support this just for equality among the sexes; if a female postal worker were denied pants because she were a girl, there'd be hell to pay. Now matter how silly a guy might look in a kilt, it's his right as a man to wear one!

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