The Pope, expert on all things related to sexuality and unbiased science, has declared that condoms don't make AIDS better - it actually makes things worse. Now, actual doctors and scientists have been saying for years that, if you're going to have sex,a condom will always be better than nothing. What Pappy doesn't realize is that people are going to have sex; they don't have Papal resolve when it comes to those urges. Nobody cares that some old guy says God wants them to be abstinent and chaste.

Holy crap, I couldn't do it, but somebody in the UK did - sadly, she didn't check with her husband before making the decision, but, well, if her husband doesn't understand, he must be a godless heathen. So, he writes an advice columnist, who says, "dude, ever hear of a hand-job?" Sadly, the advice columnist doesn't realize: a Catholic so pious to give up sex probably thinks a hand-job or a hummer is a sin, and nobody wants blow-job sin on their...hands...during Lent, you know.