Posts Tagged 'Vintage Ads'

Phone Sex Ads of the Eighties

Here's some more phone sex ads (see previous) -- these are later, from a 80's Hustler (I only read it for the articles, of course). Unlike the earlier ads, these are full color, which only enhances the, um, quality of the wares presented for sale.
The "service that makes you feel special" sounds more like free continental breakfast and dry cleaning at Holiday Inn...the use of replacing parts of words with the word "cum" lets you know that you're in for somethin more like going out for coffee with people from the office than jizzing on the phone while listening to a woman finger herself.
She's a Beverly Hills sexpot! See the books and the chess set? She's smart, and she's got deep sexual secrets! That equals money, smarts, and batshit insane because of sexual repression -- she sounds fun, but don't tell her your real name.
Before you get to excited, take a closer look -- this babe is sitting on the toilet. And, no, the cover's not closed -- she's actually relieving herself, while on the phone. Not that there's anything wrong with it, if you're into that kind of thing, but if you're not and you were just looking for a quick phone-sex call, she'd teach you pretty quick to check the ads closer.
Come on, buy one of her pictures -- she can't even afford a freakin' chair or desk for her office! That can't possibly be comfortable.
Don't ask me what she's doing there -- I had to really up the contrast just to see anything, and it looks like she's trying to hop over a too-taught garden hose. Or maybe it's a rake handle, possibly a handle of a space. Whatever horticultural implement, it must feel good, as she's got a horny look on her face. Gardening does that to women, or so I've been told.
This last one looks like it could have come from one of today's magazines -- simple, universal text, generic, sexy gal: it's almost preferable to the rest even though I need to remember that this lady, in her twenties when this photo was taken in the 70s or early 80s, is almost my mom's age now. Creepy. If you were just online looking for some hot photos, and found this phone sex ad that looks strangely like your mom, well...if it's any consolation, I'd do her -- hard -- if she still looks anything like this photo. You're welcome.

Making Naughty Movies

In 1969, Vivitar ran this ad in Playboys -- and while Playboy was naughty, most advertisers played up the suaveness rather than the nudity aspect of the magazine. Vivitar ran with it and worked some female objectification into their ad.
They apply "take charge" in quite a few ways for a little ad. First, the selling point of the camera is that you can plug it in -- give it a 'charge' -- to the wall outlet (as if running out of battery interrupts the chance to stop every 5 minutes to change the film reel). Plus, they say you can "take charge" by seeing more through the viewfinder...but our geeky filmmaker looks like he's going to take charge by spiriting away his sexy subject to the darkroom for a quick fuck. Not that there's anything wrong with that; she looks ready to take whatever he's got in those fine slacks to give her. That's what he needs the AC power for -- plug in the camera, lock the trigger on, and film himself rocking this lady's world. Bully for the horn-dog in nerd-glasses!

Vintage Phone Sex Ads

Remember phone sex? It's what people did before chatrooms, although the business is still around (although it's gone high-tech). For obvious reasons, I've obscure the phone numbers...I doubt the current owner has any interest in talking dirty to you. No, really, while it's possible, it's highly improbable.

Vintage Nudist Camp Ads

From various 1960s-era nudist magazines:

HOLY CRAP -- Goodland Country Club and Lake Como Resort are still going at it! Shagbark Hollow Park, sadly, no longer lives up to its namesake (er, you know what I mean). Gymnos the Jaybird's home, Blue J Farm, has flown the coop as well. Sun Valley in Ontario doesn't exist anymore, but it lives on in the nudisploitation film Have Figure Will Travel.