My first reaction to this comic is, pfsh, that's happened to me like a zillion times. But, then I thought about it: no, never with a food cart; no, I think the toilet was pointed the wrong direction; no, I don't think I've ever accidentally fucked anyplace where they had those glass guard-rails. No, they're right: I better wear condoms instead. This is from some German ad agency, info here.

Via.

Airlines are always trying to find ways to get passengers to watch those boring safety movies, but Air New Zealand has figured out a way to keep their attention. A new safety movie for the airline includes stewardesses and pilots completely in bodypaint. Honestly, you'll spend the whole video just trying to catch a glimpse of the cute brunette, and that down-under accent doesn't hurt, either. This is in conjuction with an advertising campaign, all of which includes real AirNZ employees in nothing but bodypaint.

Ah, Burger King, we know you like square butts, but now you want to shove your big 7-incher into women's faces. Now, I know the internet is rife with 4chan photoshops, but this appears to be real: however, it's an overseas ad, so we Americans will have to find another reason to jack off while waiting in line for your Steakhouse Mushroom & Swiss burger.

Let's say, you're a marketer, and you want to get your logo in front of the eyes of people who rarely leave the house, spend all their time staring at a computer screen. How do you get their attention? tattoo your logo on the tits of a porn star. This, my friends, is genius! The company sells virtual currency for online games, which means, that, yes, in terms of visual surfaces, porno tits occupy, like, 45% of the viewer's day, with the other 55% in the game itself anyway. Better than some poor loser's forehead - that just breeds pity and sorrow; porn star boobs make things awesomer.

Fuck, she can have all my fries if I just get to enjoy the view seen below for a while - and, as a red-blooded American, I can honestly say: those breasts and that accent get her a gold medal. From my penis. It's an ad for a restaurant's new huge double-breast chicken sandwich, so, of course, it is represented by a huge double-something pair of breasts. Billy really earned that marketing degree:

Feel like you're coming up a little short in the 'manly chest' department? Up your game with a little piece of plastic, a "manly" bib with a much musclier and hairier chest than your nerdy body actually has. Coming up next: manly underpants.

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Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks the Quiznos ad that alludes to an experience in which a chef got burned, but they 'both enjoyed it' is too, too sexy for television. It's no 'filet-o-fish' Billy Bass, because a deep-voiced sandwich oven is a far more imposing and dominant inanimate object than any known singing novelty. That Quizno's cook is that oven's bitch, yo.

A bra manufacturer wants women to know what happens when they wear a nice fitting, pretty bra: your tits get higher billing:

I so totally saw this commercial, and even Gracie had to say something about her tits: ReMax is using huge breasts to trick people into buying overpriced homes! Sadly, it works. Huge breasts always succeed at their assigned tasks.

After their previous porn experience, you'd think Comcast would be put off of naughtiness. Unfortunately, advertising revenues are down, so they've got to find somebody to spend money in 30-second chunks. Those people? Pornographers are picking up advertising time, and the cable companies are happy to take all ten inches, right up to the hilt - not only because of the ad revenue, but because the cable companies get a chunk of the pay-per-view revenues, so it all adds up to a bit of mutual masturbation making television worthwhile, as it has been for decades.

Folks, let me tell you this, from a marketing standpoint: If you have a business creating and selling unsexy things -- shoe-odor-inserts, dog-poop-picker-uppers, laundry detergent -- and your advertising department says "let's just put huge titties in our ads," you say "HELL, YES!" Nila mushrooms has succeeded where so, so many people have failed: making fungus sexy. I mean, look at 'em: a mushroom is designed to be sexy to women. But, up until now, a 'fungtastic' woman tends to stop a guy at the 'fung' part, completely disproving the 'tastic' part. My first reaction is to wonder why they went with the clumsy 'fungtastic', when 'fungilicious would be so much better, but the term is already taken. (via)