Posts Tagged 'Sex Sells'

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Coolness Exponential: Frazetta's From Dusk 'Till Dawn

Until now, I didn't think it was possible to combine the utter bad-assed-coolness of Frank Frazetta, Quentin Tarantino, vampires, Juliette Lewis, and George Clooney in one tit-a-licious painting, but here it is:

The New Fifty Guitars - Disco's Greatest Hits

The lovely lady below was photographed by Don Lee for Springboard/Musicor for the cover of a Snuff-Garrett-free 50 Guitars album that appears to be the group's last release. The music really isn't all that bad -- a bit better than musak, but a bit softer than the disco it hoped to be. What could reflect the sense, feeling, and lust of the Disco era, as embodied by guitar arrangements?An acre of b-cup cleavage from a grumpy/lusty model who doesn't seem to have ever held a guitar before? Aces! That access strip up the middle is for convenience -- flipping up a skirt to access underneath is relatively easy, but when you're trying to get at some gal's tits and her dress has a brazillion little buttons up the center you're delayed in your objectives. With this dress, the instructions are simple: insert thumbs below breasts, lift outward. Excelsior! That one on the right is a half-inch from escaping on its own anyway.

American Apparel's Body Suits

I found myself browsing some blog and was intrigued by some body-hugging clothes in a banner ad. Now, I'm not opposed to clicking an ad when it catches the eye, so I went and had a look. It's American Apparel's website for "one pieces". Now, at first glance I figured it was dance-wear or something for housewives to wear to Curves, but it seems fashion-sense has regressed to the eighties. Proper fashion now means women can wear just spandex and a skirt, thus exposing every curve while causing great delays in the ladies' room.Not that I have a problem with women's curves -- the website has a hot selection of naturally-shaped models.Personally, I'd much rather see a little belly through spandex than count every rib -- a little shape on a gal isn't a problem. It's also nice to be honest -- you squeeze an average gal into lingerie that looks great on a leggy 100lb, 5"3" model, and you're asking for trouble. Show that your sexy clothes look good on a less-than-supermodel body, and, well:HOLY FREAK ON A STICK she's hot. Don't get all mean on the un-perky boobs smooshed in spandex; that's proof you've never touched real breasts in your life. Ladies, stop trying to look all pointy and plastic -- it's not what gets us guys. Round, soft, beckoning, and slutty...that's what gets us up and ready.Now, for the quasi-porn: Go through any of the body-clinging products, and click the "More views" (or just click on the big picture). A new window will pop up with a series of photos of various models, each looking like the first photo of an amateur softcore porn set.Oh, she's sexy, and she's wearing clothes -- but not for long! The winner: the upper-right-hand-photo in the thong-unitard set. That ass needs to feel the touch of a strong man.Update: here's the banner ad:

Ads Targeting My Crotch

Advertising, as always, knows that the warm-spot between a person's legs is the perfect target to get their pocketbook moving. Via Dark Roasted Blend, who has a bunch more, here are the ones that make my crotch all bulgy:

The LA Connection's "Big Hits"

As far as crappy cover bands go, the LA Connection wasn't the best, but they were cheap and enough misled people bought their records to make it profitable. I think this album puts it's assets right there out in front, to help the sale along. If those are it's Big Hits, I'd like to have a "long-playing" time with them. Eh, I'm done with the record-industry euphamisms now.
As far as this lady's "hits", they're really not all that big -- women with large breasts usually don't have that big of a gulf between them unless they're unrestrained and lying on their backs. That tight of a shirt should be pressing a D-cup to the forefront, but, well, these "hits" are about as massive as The La Connection's hits -- the might look good from the outside, properly packaged and marketed, but not quite as impressive once they're slipped out of their cover and played.

eBay Boobs!

I don't know that this eBay seller will get by with this for long -- but as the old adage goes, "sex sells". And, from looking at this seller's closed auctions, sex also sells tickets to sporting events.

Ronald McDonald!

Do shorter, more frequent posts, work? Try this --

If I ever, EVER say the Ronald McDonald costume is sexy, kick my ass. Seriously.

*watches this video*

Um...strike that last comment. Crayola hair colors, man, gotta love 'em!

The Dark Side!

My gal is going to write about BangBus over at sex-kitten, but just yesterday I read an article on the darker side of BangBus.

We all love 'the darker side of' things -- Washingtonienne, Bill O'Reilly and his dildoes, Schwarzenegger unappropriate behavior, but it doesn't always really matter; it's a newly created issue that seems more important than the real issue, because we're attracted to the sleazy, lewd, inappropriate world.

So, what we have in the article is the horrible story of a woman, pregnant and broke, who, with her ex responds to a classified ad looking for couples to make big money. This woman meets with the producers, signs agreements, and appears in the film. Afterwards, she ends up with no money, feeling lied to, and emotionally hurt by the process. BangBus is the bad guy for doing this to her!

The problem is, what we have here isn't a problem with pornography -- it's a problem with personal responsibility. Admittedly, it's hard to take a woman who is pregnant with without options and question her about her actions. She has an excuse (admittedly, the rather weak excuse of 'needing an abortion'), so we sympathize with her. We can't chastize her for overlooking what she was signing, not researching exactly what she'd be doing, not walking away when she got nervous, trusting her sleazy ex with the money, and believing she isn't responsible for her actions. Big, bad sleazy porn industry, who we all know rapes women regularly, did it again.

However, BangBus didn't act responsibly on their end, either. They're also responsible for making sure their talent is comfortable and understands what's going on. They're responsible for making sure everyone understands how they're going to be paid, they're responsible for being a human in all this, too.

Attention is drawn, however, to the literal fucking over she got. Lots of people get fucked over daily by businesses being heartless and being stupid of their own accord. Those don't get attention -- unless there's something sexy or naughty or sleazy about it.

Boy, I've been serious lately. Part of it may have to do with me trying to understand sex overall. I haven't had many sex partners, haven't experimented much, but now I'm tied tightly (literally and figuratively) with an ex-prostitute who runs pornographic/erotic websites. Yes, I've written erotica in the past, but it's been from my own perceptions, not anyone elses. What's all this mean?

For now, it means...


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And now I'm off to vacuum the living room - sexy, huh?

Porn Spam 4!

Porn Spam Review

This is actually a followup to an earlier post where I recieved spam without any links in it. It's possible that they DIDN'T send the links, possible that the links were stripped out by the naughty way they sent email (want an explanation? email me, or maybe my email program was being stupid.

Anyway -- and this is amazing -- I got ANOTHER COPY of the same spam message! Isn't that wild? That never happens, right?

The message reads:

Hottest celebs of hollywood caught on camera in the raw.
see your favorite celeb exposed on thousands of videos and
pictures. See all your favorite stars caught being naughty

(their HTML, not mine). The link goes to asite at "", whose existence shows up in a spam blacklist but nowhere else. Just entering the domain name - nothing; you have to go directly to the spam content, which is...

A single webpage, with a screenshot of someone else's porn website! The screenshot is a link to the affiliate ID at This page is decidedly non-pornographic -- there's some very tiny pictures of nude people; wether or not they are actually famous is tough to tell. The huge Cristina Aguilera is famous, but non-nude.

The popups self-replicate, and some are very hardcore; if you're hoping that 'nude celebrities' is just going to get you some softcore nudie pictures, you've got the added advantage of facials, ass penetration, and other nastiness in popups that you can't get rid of. Again, that's plenty reason to turn most people off.

This site is nice enough to have a 'if you're not 18, go here' link that sends you to an obscure search engine called " It's also popup happy. Interetingly, it has a lewd banner at at the bottom of the page; it seems to be set up as a way to keep visitors from leaving the realm of influence of this webmaster.

The site is part of an affiliate program known as "pinkpays Their 2257 disclosure is happily full of producer information, also demonstrating that this site doesn't produce it's own content. The end of the disclosure refers to the site as "Sex Centerfolds;" the statement is hosted at love porn sites with nothing original....or IS there?

I click on the 'preview' link, to see what they have to show. Wow -- Britney Spears spreading her legs in an obvious manner towards the camera?! Amazing! Amazingly photoshopped, that is. They throw in a bunch of actresses' names, without showing anything about they mean 'see your favorite stars photoshopped into porn films?" or do they mean "subsribe for our expensive product to see the movie sex scenes that you could rent at Blockbuster for a couple bucks"? Oooh, Paris Hilton tapes! Can't find those anywhere else! Over 500 BJ cams? and film stars just happen to have cameras around while they give blow jobs? Please...the only stars you'll probably see there are porn stars, who have sex on camera for a living; not Cameron Diaz or Britney Spears.

They keep talking about getting a free day pass, but I can't figure it out...fill in the non-bank informaiton they ask for -- and they send you to an online billing service. Some 'free' pass -- you gotta sign up, and make sure you cancel the right way otherwise you're stuck paying for something you didn't want.

I hope I start getting some interesting spams soon -- who the hell buys this crap? All the sites are 'pay us $40, we'll give you something, but we won't tell you what it is, and we won't back up what we say with any facual information. Also, there's no way to figure out exactly who you're doing business with, so don't bother trying to figure it out. Just send money."

I will say, however, the graphic design quality of all the sites I've seen are all pretty good -- not the work of some computer newbie with nothing but Microsoft FrontPage. Someone is investing time and knowledge in these sites; they must have some value in there. Who knows; I might start to find repeating designs...'porn site templates' -- I think I'm on to something! Send me money, big investors -- I'm on to something!

*phew* Go find something interesting. Don't read spams; they're not worth it.

Porn Spam 3!

Porn Spam Review

Boy, give your email address to a porn site, you get spam back x-fold! Nice thing is, now I have a lot to review for you nice people!

This week: Top Ten Orgasms! The email subject line was: "Let's Make Some Noise!" The content was a single image with top orgasms #3 to #10. #4 and #3 are rather explicit, but the rest are mostly just women with their eyes closed and mouths open. I suppose, given the content of the website, I could assume they're having an orgasm, but the rest of me thinks they may have just been photographed mid-sneeze. #4 and #3 have explanations of why they ranked in the top 25% of all orgams, ranging from "When she cums ,her whole body starts shaking spasmodically" to "She mostly uses her hands to pleasure herself while viciously biting on a vibrating dildo."; I seem to remember a blonde joke about dildos and chipped teeth...but I digress.

The site itself is horrid with pop-ups -- they all regenerate when closed. Were it not for my obligation to review the site, I'd probably have left immediately. The top ten here are completely different -- they judges must have awarded a whole new bath of orgasms since I recieved my email! These pictures are much more subdued: yes, breasts, but no images of 'pink,' or any actual contact -- there's one image implying a woman recieving oral sex, but there's no direct contact shown. Overall, it meets an R rating, and is similar to the overseas limitations on porn. There's not much to get off on, other than what must have gone on to cause the orgasms pictured. What they want is for you to click on anything...

There, you get directed to a signup page, asking for your bank info. The site does offer a 'free trial', if you give them your credit card (no doubt on the expectation that you will be charged, unless you meet their cancellation requirements in three days). The support link goes to". They bill via, a service we've seen before on other porn sites. The info page sends the data to a site called "," a site that has no content but the signup process for porn sites.

Overall: A very generic porn site. The teaser doesn't indicate you'd see anything other than women having sex and achieving orgasm, something you can find for free all over the internet. The pick a top ten - but how do you rank it? What they seem to think ranks high (convulsions, chewing dildos) borders on hilarious to me, and not likely to turn me on. The payment process seems singular, and US-driven, using an outside payment processor. Why come back? I don't know, other than to jump through hoops and cancel the free test-drive.

More Porn Spam!

Spam Email Review

Here's one for you:

ReturnPath: (
From: "Liliana Garcia" (
Reply-To: "Liliana Garcia" (
Subject: interest hollywood stars in the raw
Date: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 07:09:26 +0200

Hottest celebs of hollywood caught on camera in the raw. see your favorite celeb exposed on thousands of videos and pictures. See all your favorite stars caught being naughty

I wouldn't normally have reviewed this email -- but after the THIRD porn spam email that's not selling anything (no links, no titles, no websites), I had to bring this stupidity to everyone's attention. They weren't even sneaky enough to put their websites into their email addresses -- the three emails listed in the header are all 'vanity' addresses hosted by an email farm. I've seen ones for prescriptions, loans, etc -- spammers get stupider and stupider as time goes on. They can't even piss people off right.

The email intrigues me, tho -- I'd like to see my favorite public (pubic?) figures getting naughty. Thousands of videos, you say? In the raw, you say? I'd love to come see these movies and pictures, maybe even pay money for them! What's that? You're not going to tell me where it is? I am so sad.

Porn Spam!

Porn Spam Review

Here's the email I got:

Subject: sexually explicit: Tight & Tiny Cunts Split by Thick Hard Cocks!! whims
From:"Golddiamonds" (

-- - --- -- - - - --- - - - - -
See Tight & Tiny Cunts Split by Thick Hard Cocks

Hours of the Most Incredible Pussy-Ripping Videos

The Most Extreme Cocks Stuffed Deep in Tight Holes

First thing I discover: This isn't a '' website. It's a redirect to "All Big Cocks". Popups aren't so bad on loading...but, man, talk about Photoshopping!

Depending on the perspective, the men's penises have been enlarged and edited to appear about as big around as his thigh. Were there actually men walking around like this, there'd be special stores just for monster-penised men, like a "Big and Tall" shop. "Fit Your Cock In Your Pants" shops would be open worldwide, adding 1/3 of the fabric to each pair of pants just to accomodate the enormous penis inside. Unless -- maybe these men already exist, and their penises are even more inflatable than the average man. Ladies, can you imagine seeing an average looking cock inflate to flotation-device size as it became aroused? I suppose not -- were that true, sexy women would be accustomed to exploding trousers all around them as they slinked their way through public places. "Hey, Frank, look at that sweet ass!" *KABOOM* Corduroy death counts would be much higher than they already are.

IT does say "full unlimited access NOW", so I click, and it asks me for nationality and email address. Since I'm handy with a server, I created a bogus email account specifically for the purpose of getting this login id. Uh oh! Upon giving them my info, I'm sent to a page asking for credit card info... I go check my email to see if they've sent me anything yet. No deal.

At the bottom of the page, they have a "No credit card?" link. It took me to '' It's deal -- for $30, you can use their service and get free access...but you have to call a 1-800 number first. Then, they bill you for the service you recieved. I tried to go back to "All Big Cocks" (don't we all want to go back there?) and I got a pop-up for NCC 900, saying I can get access if I dial a 1-900 number and use the code I get over the phone. This one costs $34.95 and is hosted by -- don't worry, nothing pornographic there, just the 'Adminspotting' coda. Interestingly, however, NCC 900 doesn't seem to exist, according to Google. Also, there's no field content in the form to indicate where I'm from, where I'm going, or what site I'm trying to access. From a security standpoint, you're going to call a 1-900 number, get billed, but there's nothing in the form to tell where you're trying to go.

The site does have popups -- two entrance, and two exit ones. They're pretty innocuous, but frustrating enough for those of us who dislike popups.

On the main page, I'm looking for something to click -- and I found the site's 2257 compliance page. 2257 is shorthand for the child porn laws that say you must document the ages of the people in the pics. Interesting thing is: if you don't take your own pictures, you need to list the source of the pictures for proof. All Big Cocks has a HUGE list of photo sources -- if you ever wanted to start your own porn website, this Big Cock 2257 list is a who's who of photographers to buy images from. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's the case with most porn sites.

The other places to click are for webmasters (like the one who sent me the spam), a 'contact' area, and the members link. If you try to go into the member's area without a password, they helpfully give you links to their other payment processing companies:,, PSOBill, and

The 'free' site had no real content, other than parts of their splash page (mostly laughably enlarged phalluses). While the site didn't have much to offer, it was well designed to make it easy to recieve payment from customers. Overall, I saw a little big-cock fucking in some small 'teaser' photos, but rather than learning about cocks as big around as a loaf of bread, I learned a lot about the web-porn business.

Brand Spanking!

We all love a good sex news story, right? Especially one that's not too dirty for the kids. A couple weeks ago, I found this one at NCBuy:

A saucy billboard ad in the metropolitan Pittsburgh area is causing citizens to wince, some with pain and some with pleasure.

The billboard ad shows a picture of a dominatrix from the chest down and the caption "Do a Little Brand Spanking" and was put up by The Fitting Group, an advertising agency that specializes in branding products.

Salacious, isn't it? I had to actually go to The Fitting Group's website to find a copy of the billboard image -- here you go:

Me, I saw that on the billboard? I'd laugh -- but I'm not most people, too. Supposedly, Fitting has a related brochure that recommends self-discovery with "a little ouch and a lot of aha!" On one hand, domination is a desire in the marketplace, and marketing firms are trying to sell that. Take the increasingly mainstream dom subculture, toss that in -- viola, right? I hope it works out for them; So many ad/marketing firms have generic & blah ways of selling themselves. This one uses a little sex (something advertisers admit sells a product) and makes their self-advertisments unique.

So, unique post aside -- OBLIGATORY SOAPY PIX!

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Man, bunnies have all the fun...Swatch, remembered for their spendy peer-pressure induced watches of the 1980s, has a billboard up in New York depicting numerous bunnies in compromising positions (Slideshow). Humping bunnies are bad form? For as often as I see Makin' Bacon tshirts, bunnies are downright pleasant.

GGW Not Porn!

Prosecutors had tried to prevent the copying on grounds the videotape showing a girl "flashing" her breasts was illegal child pornography. Florida's child pornography law makes the depiction of "sexual conduct" illegal and defines that term to include physical contact. There was no physical contact in the video.

--3/9/2004 AP News wire, "Judge Rules 'Girls Gone Wild' Is Not Porn

I recently had this discussion, with a member of clergy no less -- what IS pornography, anyway? Minors exposing their nether-regions ain't porn, apparently, because there wasn't any physical contact. Who'da thunk? Men everywhere rejoice: "No, honey, it's not porn. The courts said so!"

Tooth Brushing!

Following the vein of soft fetishes, I saw this quite a while ago and found it buried in my bookmarks just now. I'm not sure if I'm turned on just by cute girls showing off their pearly whites, or if there's actually some merit to the erotic viewing of toothbrushing.

Women's mouths are always a sexy part. Tie this with the tongue page from a few days ago: not only do mouths show emotion, but they can DO a hell of a lot of things -- if a woman's mouth hasn't tasted a little come in her life, she's living a sheltered existence. Mouths are facinating on many a carnal level. I like mouths. Mmmmm.....mouth.

Britney And Madonna Smooch!

I'm too poor for cable TV -- and who watches MTV anyway -- but I awoke today to find THIS...Heavy tongue action between one Britney Spears and one Madonna. Oh, and a kiss with Cristina Aguilera that looks like she was talked into doing it against her will. But - DAMN! Lick me, spank me, let me play too, but these pictures are a big freakin' tease. And I'm not even sure who Britney Spears is, either.

BTW -- as you've noted in the last few posts, I've been in touch with Gracie of Adult Backwash and Much to my surprise, things 'blossomed', and now I'm randomly entertained by Gracie arriving at my apartment, late at night, for a long, friendly fuck. Life couldn't be better!


Tongues usually get me...sometimes a tongue looks funny, but other times a tongue can make me weak in the knees. Tongue is just fun to write...tongue...tongue.

Everyday tongues are nowhere near as fun to admire as the famous tongues. But if you want tongues, this site has got tongues.

OBLICATORY SOAPY PICS. Another set of cooperative women with no men to play with. Just as much fun to watch.

Girls Gone Wild!

Ever wanted to buy Girls Gone Wild? Have a listen to this writer's impression, and you might come to the same conclusion: "Once you see an hour of drunken women exposing their breasts, all desire to ever talk to a girl is gone."

Dolores Erickson!

If you've been poking around, or if I've got bad links on the website, you've seen this lady from the old Herb Alpert album.

Well, she's Dolores Erickson, and in July of 2000 she gave an interview about her famous photo. So many men in their 40s first felt stirrings upon finding this photo in their parent's record collection, she's a sexual meme all her own.

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