I rarely ever actually see spam, thanks to software that's so much smarter than me, so it's a surprise when something slips through, and then there's the extra bonus of getting surprise random email boobs!

She wants me to email her so she can "answer back with my private images." I'll pass, sorry "ANGEL", if that is your real name.

Porn Spam Review

This is actually a followup to an earlier post where I recieved spam without any links in it. It's possible that they DIDN'T send the links, possible that the links were stripped out by the naughty way they sent email (want an explanation? email me, or maybe my email program was being stupid.

Anyway -- and this is amazing -- I got ANOTHER COPY of the same spam message! Isn't that wild? That never happens, right?

The message reads:

Hottest celebs of hollywood caught on camera in the raw.
see your favorite celeb exposed on thousands of videos and
pictures. See all your favorite stars caught being naughty

(their HTML, not mine). The link goes to asite at "wenud.info", whose existence shows up in a spam blacklist but nowhere else. Just entering the domain name - nothing; you have to go directly to the spam content, which is...

A single webpage, with a screenshot of someone else's porn website! The screenshot is a link to the affiliate ID at celebstv.com This page is decidedly non-pornographic -- there's some very tiny pictures of nude people; wether or not they are actually famous is tough to tell. The huge Cristina Aguilera is famous, but non-nude.

The popups self-replicate, and some are very hardcore; if you're hoping that 'nude celebrities' is just going to get you some softcore nudie pictures, you've got the added advantage of facials, ass penetration, and other nastiness in popups that you can't get rid of. Again, that's plenty reason to turn most people off.

This site is nice enough to have a 'if you're not 18, go here' link that sends you to an obscure search engine called "hotwebsearch.com. It's also popup happy. Interetingly, it has a lewd banner at at the bottom of the page; it seems to be set up as a way to keep visitors from leaving the realm of influence of this webmaster.

The site is part of an affiliate program known as "pinkpays Their 2257 disclosure is happily full of producer information, also demonstrating that this site doesn't produce it's own content. The end of the disclosure refers to the site as "Sex Centerfolds;" the statement is hosted at goldmembersarea.com...gotta love porn sites with nothing original....or IS there?

I click on the 'preview' link, to see what they have to show. Wow -- Britney Spears spreading her legs in an obvious manner towards the camera?! Amazing! Amazingly photoshopped, that is. They throw in a bunch of actresses' names, without showing anything about them...do they mean 'see your favorite stars photoshopped into porn films?" or do they mean "subsribe for our expensive product to see the movie sex scenes that you could rent at Blockbuster for a couple bucks"? Oooh, Paris Hilton tapes! Can't find those anywhere else! Over 500 BJ cams? Ummmm....movie and film stars just happen to have cameras around while they give blow jobs? Please...the only stars you'll probably see there are porn stars, who have sex on camera for a living; not Cameron Diaz or Britney Spears.

They keep talking about getting a free day pass, but I can't figure it out...fill in the non-bank informaiton they ask for -- and they send you to an online billing service. Some 'free' pass -- you gotta sign up, and make sure you cancel the right way otherwise you're stuck paying for something you didn't want.

I hope I start getting some interesting spams soon -- who the hell buys this crap? All the sites are 'pay us $40, we'll give you something, but we won't tell you what it is, and we won't back up what we say with any facual information. Also, there's no way to figure out exactly who you're doing business with, so don't bother trying to figure it out. Just send money."

I will say, however, the graphic design quality of all the sites I've seen are all pretty good -- not the work of some computer newbie with nothing but Microsoft FrontPage. Someone is investing time and knowledge in these sites; they must have some value in there. Who knows; I might start to find repeating designs...'porn site templates' -- I think I'm on to something! Send me money, big investors -- I'm on to something!

*phew* Go find something interesting. Don't read spams; they're not worth it.

Porn Spam Review

Boy, give your email address to a porn site, you get spam back x-fold! Nice thing is, now I have a lot to review for you nice people!

This week: Top Ten Orgasms! The email subject line was: "Let's Make Some Noise!" The content was a single image with top orgasms #3 to #10. #4 and #3 are rather explicit, but the rest are mostly just women with their eyes closed and mouths open. I suppose, given the content of the website, I could assume they're having an orgasm, but the rest of me thinks they may have just been photographed mid-sneeze. #4 and #3 have explanations of why they ranked in the top 25% of all orgams, ranging from "When she cums ,her whole body starts shaking spasmodically" to "She mostly uses her hands to pleasure herself while viciously biting on a vibrating dildo."; I seem to remember a blonde joke about dildos and chipped teeth...but I digress.

The site itself is horrid with pop-ups -- they all regenerate when closed. Were it not for my obligation to review the site, I'd probably have left immediately. The top ten here are completely different -- they judges must have awarded a whole new bath of orgasms since I recieved my email! These pictures are much more subdued: yes, breasts, but no images of 'pink,' or any actual contact -- there's one image implying a woman recieving oral sex, but there's no direct contact shown. Overall, it meets an R rating, and is similar to the overseas limitations on porn. There's not much to get off on, other than what must have gone on to cause the orgasms pictured. What they want is for you to click on anything...

There, you get directed to a signup page, asking for your bank info. The site does offer a 'free trial', if you give them your credit card (no doubt on the expectation that you will be charged, unless you meet their cancellation requirements in three days). The support link goes to wegcash.com". They bill via billingservices.com, a service we've seen before on other porn sites. The info page sends the data to a site called "easyaccessnow.com," a site that has no content but the signup process for porn sites.

Overall: A very generic porn site. The teaser doesn't indicate you'd see anything other than women having sex and achieving orgasm, something you can find for free all over the internet. The pick a top ten - but how do you rank it? What they seem to think ranks high (convulsions, chewing dildos) borders on hilarious to me, and not likely to turn me on. The payment process seems singular, and US-driven, using an outside payment processor. Why come back? I don't know, other than to jump through hoops and cancel the free test-drive.

Spam Email Review

Here's one for you:

ReturnPath: (Brian@mail2triallawyer.com)
From: "Liliana Garcia" (Wilda@strawberriesandcream.co.uk)
Reply-To: "Liliana Garcia" (Wilda@the-styx.com)
To: crlf@redbloodedthing.com
Subject: interest hollywood stars in the raw
Date: Sat, 26 Jun 2004 07:09:26 +0200

Hottest celebs of hollywood caught on camera in the raw. see your favorite celeb exposed on thousands of videos and pictures. See all your favorite stars caught being naughty

I wouldn't normally have reviewed this email -- but after the THIRD porn spam email that's not selling anything (no links, no titles, no websites), I had to bring this stupidity to everyone's attention. They weren't even sneaky enough to put their websites into their email addresses -- the three emails listed in the header are all 'vanity' addresses hosted by an email farm. I've seen ones for prescriptions, loans, etc -- spammers get stupider and stupider as time goes on. They can't even piss people off right.

The email intrigues me, tho -- I'd like to see my favorite public (pubic?) figures getting naughty. Thousands of videos, you say? In the raw, you say? I'd love to come see these movies and pictures, maybe even pay money for them! What's that? You're not going to tell me where it is? I am so sad.

Porn Spam Review

Here's the email I got:

Subject: sexually explicit: Tight & Tiny Cunts Split by Thick Hard Cocks!! whims
From:"Golddiamonds" (georgiapelifortier@videotron.ca)

-- - --- -- - - - --- - - - - -
See Tight & Tiny Cunts Split by Thick Hard Cocks
CLICK HERE FOR FULL INSTANT ACCESS
http://www.applecircletree.com/rx7/ab/index.htm

Hours of the Most Incredible Pussy-Ripping Videos
GET FULL DOWNLOAD ACCESS NOW
http://www.applecircletree.com/rx7/ab/index.htm

The Most Extreme Cocks Stuffed Deep in Tight Holes
CLICK HERE FOR FULL INSTANT ACCESS
http://www.applecircletree.com/rx7/ab/index.htm

First thing I discover: This isn't a 'applecircletree.com' website. It's a redirect to "All Big Cocks". Popups aren't so bad on loading...but, man, talk about Photoshopping!

Depending on the perspective, the men's penises have been enlarged and edited to appear about as big around as his thigh. Were there actually men walking around like this, there'd be special stores just for monster-penised men, like a "Big and Tall" shop. "Fit Your Cock In Your Pants" shops would be open worldwide, adding 1/3 of the fabric to each pair of pants just to accomodate the enormous penis inside. Unless -- maybe these men already exist, and their penises are even more inflatable than the average man. Ladies, can you imagine seeing an average looking cock inflate to flotation-device size as it became aroused? I suppose not -- were that true, sexy women would be accustomed to exploding trousers all around them as they slinked their way through public places. "Hey, Frank, look at that sweet ass!" *KABOOM* Corduroy death counts would be much higher than they already are.

IT does say "full unlimited access NOW", so I click, and it asks me for nationality and email address. Since I'm handy with a server, I created a bogus email account specifically for the purpose of getting this login id. Uh oh! Upon giving them my info, I'm sent to a page asking for credit card info... I go check my email to see if they've sent me anything yet. No deal.

At the bottom of the page, they have a "No credit card?" link. It took me to 'chargemelater.com.' It's deal -- for $30, you can use their service and get free access...but you have to call a 1-800 number first. Then, they bill you for the service you recieved. I tried to go back to "All Big Cocks" (don't we all want to go back there?) and I got a pop-up for NCC 900, saying I can get access if I dial a 1-900 number and use the code I get over the phone. This one costs $34.95 and is hosted by egwn.net -- don't worry, nothing pornographic there, just the 'Adminspotting' coda. Interestingly, however, NCC 900 doesn't seem to exist, according to Google. Also, there's no field content in the form to indicate where I'm from, where I'm going, or what site I'm trying to access. From a security standpoint, you're going to call a 1-900 number, get billed, but there's nothing in the form to tell where you're trying to go.

The site does have popups -- two entrance, and two exit ones. They're pretty innocuous, but frustrating enough for those of us who dislike popups.

On the main page, I'm looking for something to click -- and I found the site's 2257 compliance page. 2257 is shorthand for the child porn laws that say you must document the ages of the people in the pics. Interesting thing is: if you don't take your own pictures, you need to list the source of the pictures for proof. All Big Cocks has a HUGE list of photo sources -- if you ever wanted to start your own porn website, this Big Cock 2257 list is a who's who of photographers to buy images from. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- it's the case with most porn sites.

The other places to click are for webmasters (like the one who sent me the spam), a 'contact' area, and the members link. If you try to go into the member's area without a password, they helpfully give you links to their other payment processing companies: billingsupport.com, ccbill.com, PSOBill, and wtsbank.com.

The 'free' site had no real content, other than parts of their splash page (mostly laughably enlarged phalluses). While the site didn't have much to offer, it was well designed to make it easy to recieve payment from customers. Overall, I saw a little big-cock fucking in some small 'teaser' photos, but rather than learning about cocks as big around as a loaf of bread, I learned a lot about the web-porn business.