Posts Tagged 'China'

Double China Dildo!

You kids these days, believe you're the first generation to think of sticking things in your hoo-ha. China has been doing it since before Jesus. This double-ended bronze dildo was unearthed in China, made over 2000 years ago. I hope they had a method of warming it up before use, because that looks cold. Eh, or maybe Chinese lesbians like it that way, who am I to judge. But, anyhow, next time you're shopping for dildos, just remember, some lady thousands of years ago had the exact same thoughts running through her head: "is this too big? is it curved enough? how do I clean it?"


Chinese Escort Class!

Let's say, you're looking for a career change. There's lots of things you can learn from, online, just by watching videos. For example: watch this video to learn how to be a Chinese prostitute! Sadly, unlike most internet videos which show Asian women in glasses and dress clothes, nothing pornographic happens in this video. But, apparently China has found the benefit of social media, and like everywhere else, hookers do great business if they know how to use it right. Good job, China, your makeup is great!


Hugest Penis In China!

The People's Daily, the best propaganda that China can produce, is building a new office building that might actually be Mechagodzilla's penis. But wait, you say, doesn't Mechagodzilla live in Japan? The article says it's still under construction, and everything is manufactured in China these days, you know. People should be worried less that the newspaper building looks like a giant penis, but that it actually IS the giant penis of an even larger robot buried under the ground around the construction site. They don't call building a building an "erection" for nothing.


Wank Machine!

Not content with men jacking off in small rooms, China has developed the cutting-edge technology for collecting semen samples in a controlled way: The wank machine. That's just what I'm calling it, I don't know what the official name is. You stick your dick into this space-age shaped thing, and - voila - it makes you cum. Oh, no, it's not naughty: this is a medical device, built to exacting specifications! I'm sure nobody will figure out how to make it a coin-operated machine to be found in truck stops and massage parlors. That would make too much fucking sense. Looking at the picture below, I wonder what all the knobs are for. The space-age shapes and the brushed aluminum knobs make it look like something from the liner notes of a Styx album. HOLY SHIT KID, DON'T STICK YOUR FINGER IN THERE!

Boob Squeeze Bra!

Thanks to this new invention from China, the amount of clevage you display is variable, ladies. With a slight tug on the strings, your sweater puppies can go from "au naturale" to "subway rush-hour packed" in just seconds. Purple check-mark indeed!

Warning! video contains numerous views of women's breasts being squeezed together by lacy things. Make sure you've got an hour or so open in your afternoon before you start watching it.