Holy FUCK I have to watch Community tonight. I am 90% sure I'm going to come in my pants with only the stimulation of seeing Alison Brie in a soapy cheerleader outfit. God damn that shit sounds like a bad spam subject line, but I'm totally hard enough to shatter a cinder block. If you fucking call me tonight while this is on I will rip your fucking balls off. Enough said.

More from this gallery >>

The fucking understatement of the century! See, America, this is why Latin television kicks your ass: nobody cares how naughty it is. Sin Senos no hay Paraiso is a hugely popular telanovela, which focuses on girls seducing drug dealers to pay for their breast enhancements, which has so much embedded awesome, I may have to change satellite providers just to get Telemundo. The title even translates to "Without Breasts There is No Paradise" according to Google, which is like calling Daisy of Love "Her Tits Lure Douches". Which, in fact, translates to "Su Tetas Atraen Douches" in Spanish, which sounds like one of those artsy foreign films you only watch for the promise of on-screen nudity.

Fuck, she can have all my fries if I just get to enjoy the view seen below for a while - and, as a red-blooded American, I can honestly say: those breasts and that accent get her a gold medal. From my penis. It's an ad for a restaurant's new huge double-breast chicken sandwich, so, of course, it is represented by a huge double-something pair of breasts. Billy really earned that marketing degree:

The sad thing is, there's outrage about this in the U.K. Normally, no nudity can be shown on TV in the UK before the kids are in bed, but C4 is bucking the trend by showing an art programme using nude models over the lunch hour. Haven't they learned enough from America yet: All nude art is pornography; somebody might find it sexy, we need to be protected from our own urges! I've often thought European TV was completely awesome for its healthy opinion of the human body; glad to see it's still working that way, despite the prudes.