Posts Tagged 'Places'

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High Line Peepshow!

The New York City High Line, a former railroad bridge that has been converted into a public park above street level, has one unintended perk: you can see right into the windows of nearby buildings, letting parkgoers watch people masturbate, bounce naked on trampolines, and film porn. The main culprit, at least according to the Post, is The Standard hotel, who has been using "sex sells" techniques to get customers - and fill the streets outside with cheering people watching some fat guy fuck a coked-up hooker in front of a window. Ah, New York, no matter how you try to clean yourself up, you'll always be that same fucked-up city you were in the 1970s.

Tourist Porn Trap!

German tourists having a good time on the Spanish Mediterranean of Mallorca are being trapped and forced to be sexually exploited against their will. Videos of tourists having sex are being posted online, horribly using these poor tourists' bodies, who are just trying to enjoy themselves. All they have to do is force the tourists to have sex on camera by offering a sexy woman and the opportunity for public sexual intercourse. Yes, these men voluntarily get up on stage, in a crowd of hundreds, and fuck a sexy woman - and then complain that somebody posted them to PornTube. Rule #1 of not being an inadvertent porn star: don't have sex in public. Rule #2: if you do have sex in public and get filmed, you're not the exploited one; you got exactly what you wanted, to fuck somebody while everyone watched. One of these "abused" men said, "I wanted to try something new, but my one bit me. It was painful rather than pleasurable." Dude, that pain isn't an internet video: it's gonorrhea. You should have that checked out. Not from the woman in the video, no, but you probably didn't just stop at fucking one young Spanish lady in Mallorca, did you?

Dutch Hotties In Spain!

Only because I spent ten minutes watching it, I figure I better link to it. I don't speak netherlandese, so I don't have a clue what was going on. It sounds like a pair of guys and a pair of girls travel and try to out-cool each other - this episode: Barcelona, Spain. The guys are irrelevant, the girls are pretty hot - the blonde needs lessons in doing her own makeup, but otherwise they're both cute frolicking in Spain, making their glottal hhkkkkk noises and overuse of Rrrrrs...which might actually make them hotter, the jury is still out. SCKORRRRRRRRE!

Texas: Sexually Satisfying!

Houston and Dallas/Ft Worth show up in the top ten most sexually active and satisfying cities lists, thus putting Texas well above the rest of the United States in terms of happy fuckers. This is, of course, another Trojan-released report, which means that the respondents are generally condom-using, sexually-adventurous types. Very little comes in from the midwest: Chicago is represented, but no Minneapolis, St Louis, Denver? Something's amiss here.

8 People At Home!

I normally don't like funny lists, but this one is too true. I'm not a college student any more, but I remember those days, returning home and hanging out in the usual haunts, and the people you'll meet there. OK, I don't remember doing it, but I remember that one show, I think it was a sitcom but for only one season, where all these people existed. Just imagine the shenanigans we had - I mean, the shenanigans the actors portrayed on the screen. I'm so glad somebody pointed out that, when you base your adult life on where things were in high school, you'll see humorous incongruities. Hilarious. You know what would be more awesome? "The kind of people you might end up on an island with if your pleasure cruise sinks" - you know, the supermodel, the professor, the mary'd be hilarious! Leave lists to Cracked, Coed Mag, you're reminding my why I hate these fucking lists.

Splash Mtn Boobies Back!

Joy of joys, Disney has returned to it's definition as Happiest Place on Earth! Disneyland has stopped making employees review and discard flashed-boobs images on the Splash Mountain ride, and other gravity-defying rides. Disney claims the actual occurrences are rare...which, if we're lucky, is only because people are watching now. Open the floodgates, announce to the media that nobody's going to watch out for naked boobies, and the flood of 17-year-old boobs displayed on a bank of monitors at the ride exit will child-pornify your favorite Disney events. God bless America!

Waffle House: Landmark!

The first Waffle House - which has spawned many across this fine waffle-lovin' country - is now a historic monument. I have to admit I've never been to a Waffle House. They haven't ventured this far out into the wilderness. I've been to an IHOP, several Perkins, a Cracker Barrel, numerous truck stop chains, but never a Waffle House. Given the historic nature of their business, I better get to one soon, lest I embarass myself due to my negligence of great landmarks in American history!

Two O'Clock Titty!

Architects sometimes defeat themselves with creativity: St. Mary Cathedral in San Francisco has an interesting feature when the sun hits it just right: architectural features cause a giant titty-shaped shadow on the wall, thus causing erections for miles.

Bikini Car Wash!

While, in general, Florida is the suckiest state ever (after all, it is America's Wang), sometimes its awesome floats to the top, as embodied by this: Bubble Bee bikini car wash, in Tarpon Springs, which has just opened for business for the summer, in which bikini-and-shorted coeds give your metallic phallic symbol a good soap up and dry down. God fucking bless America.

CBGB Walkthrough!

Holy crap, somebody put a lot of work into this: a virtual walkthrough of the venerable CBGBs. Navigation sucks, and it downloads are really slow to get to anything good, but, hey, difficulty in walking around and the boredom of holding on until something good shows up is kinda how the place worked. (via)

Henry Rollins' House!

Times are tough, but getting good for the famous-housing market: first, Hef sells his house, and now we find out that Henry Rollins is a movin' on up, and out of his classy "Craftsman-style" Hollywood home. Realtors have reported hey use the baking-cookies smell to cover up the lingering scent of angry and muscles.

Sexapalooza, Again!

The Sexapalooza people would like you to know that they're making Hamilton Ontario a naughtier place today and tomorrow, hopefully producing the same sort of erotic assault that they did in London last month. Still to fucking far away for me to attend, but you horny bastards in Buffalo can grab your passports and head for the border.

State of WI Buys Porn Shop!

Oshkosh, Wisconsin's Supreme Video employees just became State employees: the DOT has purchased Supreme Video for $1.4 million they can tear it down. The state had been working with the business to try and relocate it, but the laws regarding how close an adult store can be to other buildings, depending on the services the shop offers, meant the store couldn't find any other place along the business loop road it has been accustomed to. Oh, well - it was an adult store, so I bet it wasn't worth anything...I mean, when the property is only worth $300,000, who cares if a business worth $1.1 million dollars disappears from a community during this economy? Way to go, Oshkosh!

Yam Yam Sexshop!

It's not often that a porno features a recognizeable place, but this actually surprised me: the Yam Yam Sexshop in Amsterdam, featured prominently in a 'sex tourism porno' site:

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Female Orgasm Commune!

OK, let's take the dirty hippie commune idea, add in some Eastern pro-sex metaphysics, and dump it all in hip, stylish San Francisco, and what do you get? You get the One Taste Urban Retreat Center, a female-orgasm centered co-ed commune. The Commune's website (down at the moment?) emphasizes a concept called "mindful sex", in which both partners make sure they're safe, happy, and enjoying themselves during sex. How dare they try to make sense in their immoral behavior! Evangelizing morality is supposed to make you feel guilty about sex; they're doing it all wrong! I do think they've got it right - showing people how to behave with each other is a wonderful objective - but like most communes it probably won't survive long. They lack a world-sized scope of morals; limiting things to sex and relationships does not a commune-sustaining movement make. Er, wait - the power of a women's orgasm seems to be more than sustaining enough for a community: Lafayette Morehouse has been around for forty years.

Be A Playboy Mansion Neighbor!

Have you always wanted to hang out in your back yard and talk with your neighbors over the fence? Now, how about if those neighbors are hot, young, nubile silicone-enhanced bleach-blondes? Hugh Hefner is selling off his private residence, next door to the Playboy Mansion, for a cool $28 million. Presumably it's because he's finally moving into the room he'd prepaid for at St. Godiva Old Folks' Managed Care Facility. He should have called about those 'reverse mortgages' that let seniors keep their home without any monthly payments! Oh, OK, no more old-people jokes; Hef gets to touch more perky breasts before breakfast than I have in my whole life, so he deserves more credit than that. The other neighbor is the LA Country Club, which probably means Hef spent most days in his back yard yelling at rich people to come get their balls off his lawn. You have no idea how hard it is to be the neighbor of both a country club and a haven for hotties.


If you've found yourself somewhere in Ontario...dear god, have mercy on your soul...If you're somewhere in Ontario near London, order up some bangers and mash and take the lift over to the London Convention Center for Sexapalooza this weekend. I think sex has something to do with it. This sex-consumer tradeshow has "stage shows" and "workshops" and "trade floors" and "parking passes" and "shock quotes to make things naughtier"...oh, that last part us just me. Anyhow, here in Bumtouch, Minnesota, we don't get tradeshows like this anywhere nearby. Go with the understanding of just how truly lucky you are.

Strippers: No Fun!

When you're a New York Stripper, you get all you need of the city while you're dancing. Blackbook took the time to ask strippers all kinds of the 'flirty Playboy' questions about getting drunk, going to bars, flirting with strangers, etc., and proved that stripping is a fucking job and they don't have time for play. Do they go out to bars and get drunk? Asshole, they work in a bar, if they screw it up they're fired, and when the bars are closed they're going home to relax. The one thing strippers do appreciate? Food. It's sounding like they have their priorities right where they should be: Home's where the heart is, they've found a fun! and profitable profession, and they like good eats.

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