Posts Tagged 'Film'

Page 4 of 4

< 1 2 3 4

For Gracie: Mickey Rourke's Face

Gracie and I were discussing this a few nights ago, about how Mickey Rourke seems to have been switched for a honey-glazed ham, a'la "paul-is-dead" conspiracies. New York Magazine has a slideshow demonstrating his decline into puffydom. Well, it seems it is the same guy, just that his pretty-boy face got all tenderized in the boxing ring.

MTV: Want Porn Addicts

Are you a porn addict with no shame? MTV wants to talk to you! The ominous part of this is that they want people willing to "seek help", which tells me Dr. Drew is involved somehow. Since it's the show "True Life", your episode will be archived alongside such hard-hitting subjects as "I'm a battle rapper" and "surviving high school". Anyhow, it's nonpaying, so you just get the satisfaction of announcing your addiction on television, and being given pop-psych answers while the most embarrassing things are edited together ! for entertainment value. Sounds like fun! Via.

Laura Ingalls WILDER!

We've all been hoping for an adult-rated DVD starring Melissa Gilbert, but nobody expected her to be only ten years old in it. Sadly, bureaucracy is more to blame than hot and heavy sex: Finland, the lovingly socialist country that it is, gives the equivalent of an 'X' rating to anything that isn't reviewed by the country's censors. Universal, believing the show speaks for itself, saved themselves the time and effort of submitting their DVD set for review, and they figure parents are smart enough to ask at the counter for them: "Psst, buddy: got any hardcore western expansionism family drama in the back?" So, sadly, this i! s about the closest you're going to get to seeing Melissa Gilbert nude.

Sex Drive / H.S. Musical Mixup

Back to Utah, are we? A movie theatre in Utah (who, presumably, won't play Zach & Miri Make a Porno) switched theatres between Sex Drive and High School Musical 3. Oops - they forgot to physically move the film, and thus a bunch of unsuspecting children were subjected to the first few minutes of Sex Drive while half-stoned college students presumably watched High School Musical 3 in its entirey without noticing. Parents, of course, didn't simply accept the mix-up and find their way to the correct theatre - they bitched management out and got free stuff, because everybody was traumatised b! y the nudity that appeared on screen during those first fleeting minutes of Sex Drive, particularly the parents. As things usually go, I'm sure the kids were more traumatised by their parent's ensuing nudity-related freakout, thus further damaging their Mormon-tainted morality.

Utah: Fucked Up Morals

Here's a perfect example of what's fucked up with American conservatism.
Megaplex Theatres refused to book the Weinstein Company's new R-rated comedy "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," starring Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks, saying it's too raunchy for religious, conservative audiences...Asked why Megaplex has no problem showing the R-rated, ultra-violent "Saw V," which shows a man forced to crush his own hands to escape a pendulum cutting him in half, Gunderson said: "No comment."
Jesus christ, people; and the sad, sad thing is that this attitude isn't just a Utah thing. Sex in movies: "oh, no, that's too much, what if it gives kids ideas?" Violence in mo! vies: "oh, even young children understand consequences and know not to burst each others' eyeballs for fun." That is so ass-backwards that my head's going to explode.

NOOO!! Church Burns Porn

In a horror not seen since the Spanish Inquisition, a library of enormous historical content has been destroyed by a church. In this case: a hundred reels of 70's and 80's pornography found in a drive-in theatre went into the fire. The church, who bought the drive-in, chose morals over income, because a hundred reels of 35mm or 70mm full-length pornographic films would probably be worth in the six-figure range on the open market, depending on content and 'quality'. I do call 'publicity stunt' on this: a drive-in theatre would be very unlikely to have hundreds of pornographic films lying around (they couldn't show them on a giant public screen), and t! hey expect us to believe that nobody noticed the films just lying around even though the drive-in was still operating until last spring, and the church bought the drive-in in order to show wholesome, family flicks. They probably bought some moldy 8mm stag reels off eBay and used them as a symbolic representation of what they were trying to do. A church manipulating symbolism to promote their new business venture? Jesus would be proud.

Dolemite = Dead

Rudy Ray Moore, bizarre poet and horrible actor, has passed away. You may remember Rudy from the Dolemite series of films, making his strange career one to really ingrain blaxploitation in the B-movie-campiness category - not that it's a bad thing, his movies are excellent, and I'm surprised I don't have any of his vinyl around. Really, he's one of those guys who was pretty old in the seventies, and you're surprised he was still around. See you later, Dolemite.

James Gunn;'s PG Porn

Some guy named James Gunn, who's supposedly tha shit in film shorts today, has a new deal, with Spike TV, to produce PG Porn: real actors, real pornstars, together! doing suggestive yet chaste things to each other. I predict 3 watchable episodes, which is more than any internet-originating shorts-series has ever done.

First Porn 'Toon Ever

According to Panopticist, this is one of the first pornographic cartoons ever made. Ever Ready Horton does hus best to fuck anything that moves, but ending up getting a blow-job from a cow. Wondering how far porn has gone, Kevin Smith? It's barely caught up with pre-WWII pornmaking. Those Roaring Twenties were full of fucked-up sex-hungry filmmakers:

Kevin Smith: Perv

In promoting his new movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Kevin Smith has this to say: "I'll go read Google news, I'll go read Guardian UK, go read our Web site, and then if I've got nothing else, I will just peruse the porn sites, because it's an ever-expanding world...Just when you see the most outlandish clip you could ever see, somebody introduces something new. I just check in periodically just to see how far porn has gone in my absence."

Kevin Smith Gets An R

Kevin Smith's new movie, Zack And Miri Make A Porno, just barely snuck by from being called Kevin Smith Makes A Porno -- the rating board nearly wanted to give it an NC-17 due to somewhat explicit sex scenes (as one might see in a porno, I'd guess), but reduced the rating to R based on the comedy of it. Most amusing: one of his justification is that moviegoers unwilling to view people having sex are going to avoid a film with the word "porno" in it (and, if not, are inordinately stupid). I'll wager that many movie theatres will leave 'porno' off the marquee, just to protect people with gentler sensibilities.

Penis Obscuring

Very important information, presented humorously: how to hide your erection from the world. The video would like me to believe that erection-hiding is important to one's social life, but when my bulge extends down to the kneecap in my dungarees, I've decided it's more an asset than a liability. Your mileage may vary.

Movie Stars Porn Connections

Frisky has a fun list of film stars who've got porn connections -- I got really excited at the Thora Birch listing, but, sadly, it's about her parents rather than herself. Oh, well. I guess I'll have to stick to fantasizing that I'm Steve Buscemi in that one scene. Seems I fantasize about being Steve Buscemi more than you'd expect. Anyhow, I think I have an article about an early Coppola porn film in an old skin mag, I'll see if I can get it online this weekend. For now, read the Frisky article.

Sexy Movie Space Babes

Dark Roasted Blend has an excellent set of images documenting hot space babes from film and TV -- and it's not Star-Trek-hottie variety this time. Barbarella, of course, is heavily represented. I never saw U.F.O., but, damn, purple-haired alien chicks are hotter than I expected. We should all savor the 1960s female liberation that defined sexy, huge-breasted women as a sign of a better future!

Buy a Video Camera, Meet A Porn Star

I caught this floating around those 'old ads' newsgroups, so I don't know where it's from, but I couldn't let it go by:
Given its Penthouse tie-in, I assume it was an ad that appeared in that magazine. According to the ad, if you shell out twelve-hundred bucks, you not only get the camera with VTR (no all-in-ones back then), you'll get to meet and film a Penthouse Pet. First, I gotta say 'wow', because it's a far leap from today: buy a Blu-Ray DVD player, get to meet the cast of a hi-def porn film? Conservatives everywhere would freak out -- DVDs are for proper family fun, not watching porn, right? Back in the seventies, Akai knew what videotape was for, and the relaxed attitude towards porn was seen as a cultural asset.That gal in the picture? According to the small text at the bottom, she's Lynn Partington, the Penthouse Pet for December 1971.

Making Naughty Movies

In 1969, Vivitar ran this ad in Playboys -- and while Playboy was naughty, most advertisers played up the suaveness rather than the nudity aspect of the magazine. Vivitar ran with it and worked some female objectification into their ad.
They apply "take charge" in quite a few ways for a little ad. First, the selling point of the camera is that you can plug it in -- give it a 'charge' -- to the wall outlet (as if running out of battery interrupts the chance to stop every 5 minutes to change the film reel). Plus, they say you can "take charge" by seeing more through the viewfinder...but our geeky filmmaker looks like he's going to take charge by spiriting away his sexy subject to the darkroom for a quick fuck. Not that there's anything wrong with that; she looks ready to take whatever he's got in those fine slacks to give her. That's what he needs the AC power for -- plug in the camera, lock the trigger on, and film himself rocking this lady's world. Bully for the horn-dog in nerd-glasses!

Domino Vs Zora

Years ago, I heard a segment on This American Life about a statuesque Amazonian bounty hunter named Zora, who had been planning her life as a super-spy since her teenage years. The story is extremely engaging: one reserved for comic-book heroines, but this one is real. She had to be one-of-a-kind, right? Or made up...women don't just decide they're going to enter the industry of mullet-haired men, do they?

Apparently, they's news is full of stories about a young woman named Domino -- a Ford model who tossed it all away to become a bounty hunter. She was found dead in the bathtub; no further explanation is given.

It's not like Alias started this: these women have been at work longer than the show has been around. I suppose you could point fingers at Barb Wire, VI Warshawski, Charlie's Angels, even Wonder Woman...but they're still 'fiction spies', not the real thing, actually endowed with superhuman abilities simply by being fictional. These two women are real, and they're doing something that's the domain of big-breasted comic-book heroines and movie stars.

I suppose it's only fitting that it comes full-circle: Domino, a movie based on the model's life is to be released later this year, and Jennifer Aniston is at work on a movie adaptation of Zora's story. And we wonder why people have such trouble differentiating between reality and fiction? The two cross over far too often these days.

LA Blue Girl Review!

Hooray! The ever-pleasant has included another thing I wrote. It's a review of the iconic hentai anime La Blue Girl.

The fact that I'm fucking the owner of Sex~Kitten has nothing to do with it ;)

I don't really have much else to say except to ambush you with stop-motion RealDoll cartoons. Considering the South Park guys are being punished for hot marionette-on-marionette action, there's some strange mojo going on over sex with human substitutes. Note that there's no real sex acts in these cartoons, the only rules broken are the ones about human decency. The realism of the RealDoll makes these seem more like necrophiliac fun than the impersonation of life.

Sexy Kittygirls!

What's with the sexy anthropomorphic kittygirls lately? Yeah, they've been happily in anime for a while, but just when I think I've come up with something remotely original, it seems they're everywhere. Start with this year's Simpson's Halloween Special. Marge gets turned into a cat, and has violent sex with Homer. Next, I just get back from Treasure Planet, and the major female character is, yes, a very sexy kittygirl. With a British accent, no less.

If you haven't read them on, here's two parts of my ongoing kittyerotica: Crain Finds Himself a KittyGirl and Crain and his Kittygirl II: Search and Rescue

Sexy IMDB!

Is it a bad thing when the only reason you use IMDB is to figure out who the sexy chicks on TV are?

< 1 2 3 4