Posts Tagged 'Facebook'

Bang With Friends!

You may have decided that buying a fake Facebook girlfriend was just too weird, so here's a much more productive Facebook app: Bang with Friends is a Facebook app for finding casual sex in your friend-list. Sadly, everyone in my friend list is either somebody I don't really know, or is really somebody I'm not that interested in fucking. But, I'm also not a college student who gets automatically friended by everyone because I'm in their email list or because they need to get my Algebra homework. In that case, Bang with Friends is a toy for hooking up with people you're probably already hooking up with, which ain't that bad of a place to be in life.


Fake Facebook Babe!

More entrepreneurial spirit: this website will not actually get you laid, but it'll make your Facebook page look like you're getting some. For $40, they'll violate all sorts of Facebook terms of service and be your fake girlfriend for a certain amount of time. Better make sure it's only for a short time, though: drag it out too long and your Mom will insist "Becky" come along to watch fireworks at the 4th of July, and that'd be an uncomfortable conversation, you know. Well, depending on how deep your pockets are: for the right amount of money, you can get a "Becky" to be both a Facebook girlfriend and a sometimes lover. It all hinges on your budget, buddy.


No Facebook Oral Sex!

Sorry, sexy Facebookers: Facebook thinks oral sex is way too sexy-sex for Facebook friends. What's a little cunnilingus between friends, anyway? I guess Facebook is just for underaged girls to post sexy pictures of themselves, and for people to hook up with people they haven't seen from highschool, two entirely wholesome aspects of online culture. Wouldn't want people to learn anything akin to sexual education online, would we Facebook?

Facebook Tits!

Ever wonder where all the tits are on Facebook? Right here, losers. None of them are your friends, of course; your Facebook profile has the problem of having friended your mom, so now half your friends are her coworkers and if some hottie with a rack were to friend you, you'd be embarrassed to reciprocate. Note that there are no naked tits, which makes this list kinda 'meh', but only has the benefit of allowing you to not look like the skeevy titwatcher at the bar.

Facebook Boob Touch Redux!

If Facebook isn't ruining your political chances, it may be messing up your marriage plans. Posters on telephone poles in Italy are either advertising the most awesome band ever, or revealing the cheatings of some Italian rogue who didn't connect the dots that his friended fiancee will probably see the picture of him snuggling huge naked boobs that he posted to his Facebook account. If I were her, I wouldn't be pissed that he did it: I'd be relieved that I am no longer getting married to somebody so fucking stupid. Other signs that this article didn't happen in the U.S.: somebody is able to hang up thousands of R-rated images, in public, and she's the hero in the story. Stateside, she'd be in jail and reviled in the media for being a psycho bridezilla. Hooray, Italy! (via)

Politics and Sex: Bad!

Poor Ray Lam: this youngster tried to run for political office in his province, but he had to drop out because he was acting like every other fucking twenty-something idiot on Facebook, posting pictures of himself doing PG-rated clothed suggestive touching with, my guess is, political supporters. Yes, unprofessional, but the problem here aren't the expectations political behavior. It's the expectations of not looking like a horny idiot in public. Sure, he's gay, but what could possibly be the motivation to put photos of you touching a woman's breast online - so your coworkers at Best Buy can marvel at you, wondering how you could be so awesome as to actually having touched a breast in your life? Dude, you're on Facebook, you're not that cool.