When I think of "The Longest Handy Ever", I have PTSD flashbacks to an unlubed sexual experience in high school, but in THIS case a sex shop in Florida held a "hands on a hardbody" contest to win a goodie-bag of product. There wasn't a real penis involved - it was that blow-up penis the winner is so lovingly cuddling with in the pic below.

When I think of "finishing earlier than expected"...well, there's high-school flashbacks, too, but it also applies to the penis-touching contest. The Longest Handy Ever started at about 1pm in the X-Mart store in Gainesville, FL, but by two o'clock one contestant proposes everyone else drop out and she would share the sex toy goodies with the remaining competitors. Ah, when it comes to sex toys, cooperation always wins out in the end!

My good friend Slip over at A Slip of A Girl is hosting a contest in which you can win some lingerie. Go enter, and see what sorts of stuff Slip has to say about lingerie, she has a brain full of good info on the subject.

Over at A Slip of a Girl, a fine friend of this blog, you have a chance to win a 1-year gift subscription to the vintage erotica website Delta of Venus. Since it's that time of the year, Slip would like to know who you'd give the gift of retro smut to beneath the Xmas tree - although you're welcome to keep it, if you so choose, too. All the rules and information on entering are found at A Slip of a Girl, so put your writing hat on and you might get to see some fine natural black-and-white boobies for free!

Weekend's here, the holidays are finally fucking over, and now I'm sure you're ready to relax and use the ongoing cold as an excuse to fuck and cuddle. So, the news is in that K-Y Intense actually works (nipples too), and I've got one to give away. In order to enter to win this 10mL bottle of K-Y Intense arousal gel for her, I want to know the answer to this question: Do you stash porn on your computer, or do you maintain a virginal hard drive and get it off the internet when you want it? Sure, there's a certain convenience (and hard drive space is cheap these days) to saving the good stuff in an accessible place, but with the constant stream of new stuff and the risk of being caught with four gigs of boobs there's no reason to download anymore. So, let's hear from you: stash or don't stash? Pick one of three ways to enter:

• Either post your response here;
• or Twitter it; you have to in order for me to know you entered;
• or Email me your entry.

Disclaimers: no monetary value, one vote per entrant, entries limited to people in the United States, don't be an asshole. That last disclaimer applies to pretty much everything at this site. Cut off is the end of the day, Monday, January 11th, 2010, but I may continue to take entries if there aren't enough by that time to pick a winner.Update: I'm going to take entries for the rest of the week. New end of contest deadline - end of the day Friday, January 15.

I had no idea you could win a masturbate-a-thon: I thought it's very existence was a WIN for any participant. Turns out, some wanker called Masanobu Sato "won" this year's Masturbate-a-thon by holding on for nearly ten fucking hours. Holy crap, I'd have passed out well past the 2-hour mark; fifteen people drowned in the ensuing orgasm. It's amazing; you think it only exists in Anime, but, well, 10 hours of masturbating is a surreal event. (Via, who also linked to a slideshow of the event.)

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This is also part of a contest, so go win your gal some sexy lingerie...