Get on your favorite jersey, stake your claim to the comfiest chair, make somebody bring you a beer, 'cuz it's fucking National Porn Sunday! Yeah, I know it's a trick: XXXChurch works that way. Still, I love the porny elephant football logo and might get some shirts made anyway. As for the day's purpose: seriously, I understand people have a problem with their ability to control themselves, and difficulty with the degree of self-control their faith expects. If you can't resolve those two things and need the help of your clergy, go get it done, man. If the clergy isn't helping - fuck 'em, go watch your porn and stop doing it so much that it fucks up your life. I'm not a licensed psychologist, and I like porn, so as far as my advice goes, your mileage may vary. So, either porn up or go to church, because today's National Porn Day, motherfuckers, no matter how you interpret the name.

^{(want the logo to make your own t-shirts? Here you go.)}

Wait - a porn site promoting XXXChurch? The Dos Equis old guy orders you to drink responsibly, and he gets tonnes of hot ass, so I expect you assholes to porn responsibly, too. If the alternative is church, consider this your 'scared straight' moment.

Strip joint Rick's Cabaret just opened in Dallas, but the local constabulatory hasn't decided if Rick's deserves a liquor license just yet. The strip-club has taken these lemons and made them into limon: Alcohol-free establishments in Texas can go fully-nude - which makes Rick's the most popular place to be in Dallas this weekend. Well, for those without Super Bowl tickets, I guess. I dunno. I'll bet Rick's will have the superbowl on the big screen - AND plenty of naked chicks will be hanging around. My vote is still with Rick's.

Ashley Madison, the 'duh' in 'online daters are often married', can't air their commercial during the Superbowl. How come? Too much man-on-bunny sex.

Oh, the humanity! When will all the sexy sex end!?!? Alas, the family-friendly NFL needs to have some standards, so that's why they're having red-carpet coverage and some fucking stupid-ass Obama/O'Reilly interview during the preshow. It's good they're keeping it all about the football, and keeping lesbian kisses out of the commercial breaks. Well, unless it's in a beer commercial.